Skylark End of Life Doula Cornwall

17/01/2026

There's a spot I go to when I don't know what to do with myself. When emotions and thoughts become a maelstrom instead of a flow. When life is crashing all around and wave after wave of stuff seems relentless. I sit here watching the ocean it reminds me that actually the best thing to do is nothing. The RNLI advice if you fall in the water is 'Float to live' and actually it's very good advice as we navigate the waters of life and death. When all around is chaos all we can do is come back to ourselves and try to breathe.
Yet as I contemplate this I am reminded how bloody hard it is to breathe when physically and metaphorically you are being held down by the force that's crashing down upon you. How terrifying it is to be held under that weight spinning and churning and not knowing which way is up.
If any of you have ever wiped out in the ocean and felt that fear then you'll know it's not dissimilar to how we feel when life's challenges feel utterly insurmountable.
I sat this morning and watched the waves, listened to the roar of the Earth's breath and in that place noise and endless motion I remembered that quote by Rumi
"You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop,"
We can't stop the chaos of life but we can try to hold onto the fact 'life is not something that happens to us, life happens through us.' Donald L Hicks

10/01/2026

This week Storm Goretti reminded me that we can never know what nature has in store. Young saplings were struck down alongside strong trees in their prime, yet other, seemingly old and decrepit trees survived losing only twigs. Humans never know when our time may come so we strive to blossom, to create legacy, to live our lives in a way that gives to all around us, the same way tree does.
We support and we are supported by countless other people throughout our lives, whether they are long or short. We live in relationships of reciprocity. If we are lucky enough to reach the autumn of our lives having known the youthful vigour of spring and long, heady days of summer, we can prepare for the winter that will inevitably come.
For even as our days grow shorter there is beauty in the life we have left. Let us cherish the delicate nature of our own winter and hold it tenderly, appreciating what once was and what still is.

30/12/2025

Watched this film on Netflix with my 16 year old last night and tbh wasn't sure what to expect but it hit the mark in so many ways. We laughed, we cried, we hugged and our hearts went out to the characters.
It made us have honest conversations about what we would or wouldn't like in our final weeks and it brought a difficult but completely normal human experience out of the shadows where society likes to keep it hidden.
I think the thing that struck me was the normality of it all. Life went on, chaotically, mundanely, heart wrenchingly normal even as the family matriarch lay dying. It shone the spotlight on how life and death sit side by side at the dinner table of human existence and how June sat at the head of their family table in this life and beyond.
It was so relatable & honest.There was obviously a fair bit of artistic license on the way the hospital was depicted (we know hospitals care stretched to breaking point) but apart from that I felt the film tried and succeeded to tackle a difficult subject in a way that was neither superficial nor drowning in despair.
Kate Winslet starred and directed this all star cast and gets a thankyou from me for normalising what can seem a heavy subject at the most light hearted (supposedly) time of year.

23/12/2025

Just sat here enjoying our Christmas tree as the lights shine off decorations old & new. Some passed through generations reminding me of family who hung them on their own trees. Some gifted by friends who left this world too soon. And as the candles flicker my thoughts go to those we have lost and those we are losing

Christmas is emotional.
Whether we like it or not.
It's a lot.

We think of those those not with us yet sometimes want to strangle those that are!
In the spirit of festivity and joy, love and celebration coupled with aesthetic ideals we often forget life & death doesn't stop for Christmas.
Like a fairy light reflecting on a glass bauble it can often feel distorted, magnified and just too much.

It's ok if it's all a blur. It's ok to be sad, it's ok to wish things were different.
It's also ok to be having the best time and enjoying every bit of light and love Christmas has to offer because none of us know how many we have.
However you are feeling try to remember this too will pass.

Sending love this Christmas 🎄❤️🎄

18/12/2025

This is so true. Walking beside someone in their final days is a dance between people and intuition is a vital part of being in relationship. Trust your instincts as to who you want beside you.

End-of-life doulas do not claim expert or professional authority. They work from earned experience. Experience of sitting with uncertainty, witnessing dying, supporting people and their close networks and understanding the practical, emotional, and human realities of the dying process.

Many doulas also draw on spiritual, cultural, or contemplative practices, always guided by the values and beliefs of the person they are supporting and never imposed by the doula.

The role is always grounded, hands-on, and responsive. It often involves quietly and undramatically doing whatever is needed: rolling up sleeves to track down an emergency plumber to fix a broken heating system, offering calm reassurance to someone who is agitated, or stepping in to support a carer who is close to burnout.

End-of-life doulas step in and step up where needed — and step back when they are not.

Doula support is deeply relationship-based. It’s not just about training and skills. It’s about trust, comfort, and connection. You need to feel at ease with the person you invite to be with you.

15/12/2025

The rose and the robin of December.
I was gathering herbs on my allotment after all the rain, surveying storm damage and reminding myself it's all transitory when I heard the song of the robin and saw the rose.
There are few people who don't mourn in the dark month of December. We mourn the ones we have lost and the ones we are losing. We mourn the year that's passed in the blink of an eye and we mourn the short days and not getting outside. We mourn Christmas 's past and and things that don't last. But still the robin sings and the rose blooms. The tears from the sky sitting like diamonds up blush petals. They weather the storms and offer hope on dark days. December isn't an easy month for many people so sharing this sign with you all.

08/12/2025

It's the last day of (first I have known about it tbh) and in a month where our losses can seem even more poignant I just wanted to reach out because grief is one thing we all have in common.
There's no right or wrong way to grieve and absolutely no linear path on the journey we all take at some point or another.
The waves of emotion can hit fifty years from our loss as strong as they came in the beginning. The fury and weight of that emotion can hit us out of the blue or it can be stoked up by winds of change we are not even aware of.
Often we learn to ride the waves yet sometimes we feel like we are drowning. It's ok to feel like this. Never be afraid to talk about it. If someone close doesn't feel comfortable there are places and people who cou share with.
In Cornwall there are a lot of resources such as the wonderful Compassion cafe held once a month in Penryn facilitated by No One Dies Alone Cornwall and Cornwall Hospice Care organise bereavement walks
https://www.cornwallhospicecare.co.uk/our-community-services/bereavement-support/

The Good Grief Guide

25/11/2025

25/11/2025

I bounce from the often grim reality of how tough life is to its wonders. Like this seagull soaring on a rainbow this afternoon. In my work I see the challenges people face daily. Whether that's learning to adapt to frailty that comes with age, life changing illnesses, navigating disjointed health & social care services, being in a technological world that's supposed to make life easier but actually makes things harder and less personal. All the challenges that come with life and death.
But they carry on. We all carry on.That is all any of us can do. Until we can't anymore.
The point of this post is to remind us all we are not alone. We may not be able to fix things, or even lift the weight to make things easier, but we can all offer a smile, an ear, a shoulder to lean on.
Because that's all it takes to help the spirit soar. Shared humanity.
We don't need to be wellness facilitators, grief coaches or trained social workers but we do need to have an open and loving heart and compassion for our fellow people. Because one day all our souls will reach for the rainbow and I hope we can fly high knowing we were cared for.

20/11/2025

Well said Living Well & Dying Well South West

New analysis from Loughborough has revealed that 103,000 people died in poverty last year, around one in six of all deaths.