Skylark End of Life Doula Cornwall

14/08/2025

There's a cost of dying crisis worldwide and international companies are driving prices higher. You can get price lists from all local funeral directors and crematoriums and you don't HAVE to use a funeral home. By law you can keep your person at home if you so wish until burial or cremation and you can arrange all that yourself. Unattended funerals (direct cremation/burial) are now seen as the most cost effective funeral but deny loved ones of rituals that help the grief process unless there is something to go alongside that allows people to come together to talk, cry, laugh and share their grief. These days you can choose to have a natural burial where your body will be returned to the earth not in a traditional cemetery but in a natural environment. Unlike in America where you can save tax free for a funeral, here you can pay for a funeral plan that may or may turn out to be suitable.
Personally I've looked at funerals like I would any large investment... local firms, peoples recommendations, services provided and cost effectiveness. You can meet with funeral directors to discuss your needs in advance and make sure they're the right fit for you. I've shopped around, compared prices, looked at a wish list and what I can afford, discussed it with my daughter and the only thing I am certain of is that if I save a tenner a week in five years I will still only have the most basic of funerals.
Have you made plans for the future for yourself or loved ones? Let me know your experience.

14/08/2025

This is lovely

12/08/2025

I think it's really important to understand this.

If you would like to know more about Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking as a choice at end of life we are hosting free information and discussion sessions at Exeter Library. Please email alizoun@alid.co.uk to book a place

Tuesday 9 September 10.30am to 1.30pm or
Wednesday 10 September 10. 30am to 1.30pm

If you can't come along in person there is an on line session on
Thursday 11 September 5pm to 7.30pm

11/08/2025

Newquay played host to the Boardmasters festival over the last 5 days as the sun shone down and music played, the surf rolled in and people of all ages had a brilliant time. For about 3 hrs yesterday this rainbow hung in the sky above. A poignant reminder of those we love who aren't with us anymore. From young to old no-one is immune to dying and the grief that holds those left behind. We take comfort in our memories, we keep their spirit alive by saying their name and we honour life itself by continuing to live on, through the hard times and the good times.

06/08/2025

The wonderful and I are facilitating a one day workshop in Newquay to help you become more comfortable with dying and death. This is an interactive workshop where you get the opportunity to talk, ask and be with other people who want to learn more. We can help you prepare, learn what support is available locally, how to have those tender conversations not only with our loved ones but those around us. This isn't just for those who are dying and their caregivers. This is for anyone who is death curious and wants to know more. Often it's the fear of the unknown that makes us turn away from dying. Let us share what we know and take some of that fear away.
28th September. WI Hall, Newquay TR7 1NF 10AM-4PM
For bookings please email alizoun@alid.co.uk

01/08/2025

Let's talk about pets. Our beloved furballs are part of our families. They grieve when they lose their people and other pets and we grieve when we lose them. I've had a few sleepless nights with this one this week. She's in pain, the vets can't find what's wrong, and we are both in that liminal space of uncertainty. It struck me how vet surgeries are like doctors surgeries and hospital waiting rooms. We retain a breezy demeanor whilst burying our fears. I think we don't talk about pet dying and death enough. We don't give ourselves and our pets the time to grieve. When my other cat died this one was depressed for a good while and even though she sniffed her lifeless body and sat with me as I mourned for weeks she had her own mourning to do. I think my cat has a lot of life left in her but there will come a time when she doesn't and that just reminds me to cherish her now and to honour everything she gifts me. Animals are often our greatest teachers. In life and in death.

31/07/2025

This is so important. I update my advance care plan regularly as my tastes change. We often think (and the medical model would like you to think) it's all about treatments but for me it's about the things I would like to eat and drink before my body says no more. Window open or closed, direction my beds facing, mood lighting, scents, favourite body lotion, please stroke my hair! Who I don't want in the room, whom I do want. That kind of thing. Think and talk about these things whilst you are well and then when the time comes it wont be as overwhelming. (If anyone comes into my room and turns the TV on or starts chatting inconsequential crap I will come back and haunt them) Yes thats in the plan too!
In Cornwall you can print this off the NHS website or you can simply write your wishes down
CHA4308MyAdvanceCarePlan.pdf https://share.google/zPFBIEGSv6UdTv3mH

Would your loved ones know what you’d want at the end of life? Not just where, but how. Smells, music, touch, pets, blankets.

The Good Death Book is a roadmap.

👉 Comment NEW BOOK to join the conversation

30/07/2025

Death cafes are held all over the country and are a great way to start having conversations about death and dying. Would anyone be interested if we do one in the Newquay area?

A network of Death Cafes have sprung up around the country, offering people a place to talk about life and death over tea and cake

29/07/2025

Often we struggle with words...the ones that say how we are feeling, the ones that express our hopes and fears. Sometimes words can reframe those unspoken feelings into something else. Occasionally words can blow a hole in the defences we build around ourselves. Often words can bring comfort.
We don't all have the words. But there are words for all.

29/07/2025

A beautiful reminder that in our living, despite the losses we endure, we carry those we love with us throughout every day.

14 years ago today I placed one of my headphones in one of my dads ears and the other in mine and we listens to the Stones, Wild Horses.

He was going to die that day. The most beautiful man I’d ever known, the kindest and sweetest. The only man who had ever looked at me with a mixture of joy and tears in his eyes at how perfect I was. He was leaving and taking with him the only male eyes that ever seen me as perfect.

Grief is the worsts pain you can imagine, yet the nature of the pain makes you intentionally never want to let it go.

I didn’t want to heal from losing my dad, I didn’t want to feel like I was living my life when he was losing his.
It was as if I’d pledged to honour him by suffering for him. It was the only way I knew how to keep him with me.

What I wish I knew then what I knew now.

And if anyone out there has recently lost a parent please know this.

You can get them back, but it doesn’t happen until you let yourself live. It’s actually the opposite of keeping them through grief. You can let go of your grief in order to see them again.

Billie swears to this day that “poppy” visited her as a fairy while she was on the trampoline.

And after 14 years I feel his energy stronger then I ever have. He’s with me everyday day and because of that, things are a little funnier, I’m a little braver and that perfect reflection of me lives on forever.

Time and space are an illusion, he and I are just star dust existing differently but always together, because Wild Horses couldn’t tear us apart.

Con

23/07/2025

There's so much to hold in today's world and sometimes that reawakens our old griefs, even the things we thought we had processed, and in that sadness our heart feels heavy. Grief is often like a freak wave that knocks us off our feet when we least expect it. I made this wreath today to to ground myself, to be at one with my surroundings and to let nature hold me.
On Sunday I will be joining the team at in their companionship cafe at the Temperance Hall Penryn 2-4pm where we will be making our own grief wreaths and combining creativity, companionship and nature to support ourselves and each other. All are welcome, please do come along.

23/07/2025

Statistically women are more likely to become widowers than men but I've worked with several men in the last few years who have lost their wives and I've found that to meet them where they are at, both before and after the death of their life partner is an essential part of their journey through these tumultuous times..
Members of End of Life Doula UK undergo rigorous training to help hold the space to be the support you need when you need it. And there are End of life Doulas who are male too. Dying and death is a human experience not a gender based one and there is support for all people.

We are always keen to understand and reduce any barriers to people accessing support, and we are aware that the majority of individuals who contact us seeking eol doula support are women. Talking about death can be challenging for many, but for some men it can feel especially difficult. Cultural expectations around masculinity can often discourage open expression of fear, vulnerability, or grief; all emotions that are deeply intertwined with the end of life. As a result, some men may find themselves withdrawing or defaulting to practical concerns when faced with death, rather than engaging with the emotional and existential realities of the situation. This can lead to a sense of isolation, even when surrounded by support, and may make the experience of dying, or supporting someone else who is dying, feel all the more overwhelming.

An end of life doula can offer help in these moments. By creating a calm, non-judgemental space, a doula can support healthy exploration and processing of emotions in a way that feels safe and accessible. Whether it’s through quiet presence, practical guidance, or open conversation, doulas support individuals to make sense of what is happening on their own terms.

For some, this might mean finding words for feelings that have long gone unspoken; for others, it could involve meaningful rituals or legacy work, or simply having someone who can hold space without pressure or expectation. The doula’s role is to accompany, to listen, and to offer compassionate support that meets each person where they are. This can be transformative, not only for the dying person, but for those important to them as well.