15/12/2025
Many childhood trauma survivors wonder if they willfully attract abusive people into their lives.
While it can look like that from the outside, I don't
believe we look at someone and say, "Yes...let's
welcome this abusive person into our lives so they
can ruin it."
It doesn't work like that.
I think children who grow up in neglect and abuse
are modeled that their safety doesn't matter. So many
of us were left with perpetrators or exposed to them.
Just like in childhood, we dissociate when someone says abuse is normal and ok. Unfortunately, this pattern repeats in our adulthood with difficult or abusive people. We are not focused on our safety because we most likely don't know how to do that.
When parents do not:
*Model healthy boundaries
*Use good intuition about their child's safety
*Choose a child's safety over a perpetrator's feelings
the child grows up without the vital mechanism of self-preservation.
How can we know who is safe when the adults
welcomed in danger? We need help getting
a radar system in place that should have been
there all along.
It's more like abusive people happen to us because
we don't think we have rights around our happiness
and safety.
This issue is also mixed with dissociation, codependency in the form of not wanting to rock the boat, and magical thinking.
