01/08/2025
💙💛
20 minutes.
That’s how long my heart was breaking for my daughter today.
20 whole minutes of just sheer pain, before the smiles kicked in.
All because she wished she could walk, use the toilet, do the things that other people do. This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation. It’s not the first time my heart has broken for her… but it’s the first time I’ve realised how I reacted to the situation. No one teaches you HOW to talk to them in the moments like this, and we always hope we never have to - if we’re being honest with ourselves… but I do, so I’m gonna share with you what I do.
Positivity. It has a time and a place.
If they are positive about it, ie refer to themselves unique or special etc - match it. Build them up on the pedestal they belong on. They are precious and amazing kids, they just want you to be with them in that moment. Tell them they are who they are because of the challenges they face if that’s what they wanna hear! Explore their talents and who they are…
Negativity. It has a time and a place.
If they are negative about it, ie wish they were different, hate being unlike others - match their mood. Explain you understand why they may feel like that, ask them how they feel specifically, sit in the moment with them, even if your heart is breaking too. When appropriate, offer solutions, make plans and create a space where they can say anything… and you will be there to hear it all.
Be their parent - not a carer in this moment.
Some days they will flick between both. Majority of the time they probably won’t even think about it. But you will. You will always wonder when the next conversation will come.
And it will.
For you? Some of this will feel s**t. Especially the first negative one… but in time you will find your way to have the conversation in the best way possible for them and you.
And a hug is never ever outta place… no matter how big they get…
And know that there is always another parent carer doing the same thing, willing to listen to you offload… including me ❤️
