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Accanto Counselling, Newton Abbot (2025)

18/08/2025

‘When Our Internal Family Finds Its Strength’ 💪

Sometimes our parts have been working overtime because the external world hasn't felt safe. When we've experienced abuse, neglect, or ongoing harm, our internal system adapts, parts take on roles they were never meant to carry alone.

Protective parts might become hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger. Young parts might go into hiding, carrying pain and fear in isolation. Manager parts might work exhaustingly hard to control every variable, believing safety depends entirely on their vigilance.

Here's what can shift in IFS therapy:

Parts that have been carrying the full weight of survival start to realise they're not alone anymore. The hypervigilant part discovers there's now an external ally (your therapist) helping to create safety. The parts that went into hiding begin to sense that someone trustworthy is standing guard.

When protective parts feel genuinely supported, not just told to ‘relax’ but actually experiencing sincere backup, something profound happens. They can start to ease their death grip on control. They begin to trust that Self can lead, knowing there's now a safety net.

This is when the real healing work becomes possible. When parts no longer have to spend all their energy on basic survival, they can turn their attention to processing, integrating, and reclaiming the fullness of who you are.

The shift can look like:

• Protective parts discovering they have an ally, not just another threat to manage
• Exiled parts sensing it might finally be safe enough to share their stories
• Self getting space to emerge and lead with the groundedness that comes from genuine safety
• The whole system learning what it feels like to not be carrying everything alone

This work takes time. Parts need to test whether this new support is real and lasting. But when they discover it is - when they feel truly backed up rather than abandoned to cope alone - that's when transformation becomes possible.

11/08/2025

The Part That Carries Hope 🌱

In our internal family, there’s often a part that holds something precious - HOPE.

This part might be quiet sometimes, especially when life feels heavy, but it’s there.
It’s the part that whispers ‘maybe tomorrow will be different’ when today feels impossible.

This hopeful part might show up as:

~The voice that says ‘let’s try one more time’
~The feeling that stirs when you see a sunrise or hear a favourite song
~The part that keeps you moving toward healing, even when progress feels slow
~The gentle nudge to reach out for support when you’re struggling

Sometimes other parts try to protect this hopeful part by hiding it away.
Our inner critics might say hope is naïve, or our wounded parts might fear that hoping leads to disappointment.
These protective responses make sense, hope can feel vulnerable.
But when we’re in Self we can appreciate both the wisdom of our protective parts AND the gift of our hopeful part.
We can honour the courage it takes to keep believing in possibility, even in the face of difficulty.

A gentle invitation: Take a moment to thank the part of you that carries hope.
What does this part want you to know today?
How might it want to be honoured or given more space?

Your hopeful part is not naïve, it’s wise.
It sees beyond what is, toward what could be.
And that vision is part of what keeps us moving toward healing and growth.

04/08/2025

Learning to Dance with Life’s Shifting Sand

Our parts really, really want guarantees.

They scan the horizon looking for solid ground, something they can count on staying the same.
Your Planning part wants to know exactly how things will unfold.
Your Security part is constantly checking
‘Are we safe?
Is this stable?
Can we trust this?’
And honestly? You can’t blame them.
They’ve been working so hard to create predictability in an unpredictable world.
But here’s what I’ve noticed:
When we’re always grasping for firm ground, we can miss out on the aliveness that comes from learning to flow with change.
Life is a bit like shifting sand, isn’t it?
The moment we think we’ve got it all figured out, something shifts.

What if, instead of fighting that reality, we could find a different kind of stability?
Self has this amazing capacity to be like a tree with deep roots, flexible enough to bend with the wind but grounded in something that doesn’t depend on external circumstances staying the same.
When Self is present, parts can feel that steady internal foundation even when everything around them is moving.
From that grounded place, we can start to lean into uncertainty with curiosity instead of fear.
We can ask,
‘What wants to emerge here?
What am I being invited to learn or become?’
Instead of just trying to survive the changes, we get to discover what it means to actually thrive within them.
Your parts might be hesitant at first. Change has probably felt scary before. But when they feel Self’s steady presence, they often discover they’re way more resilient and adaptable than they ever imagined. They start to trust that even if the ground is shifting, they’re not going to fall through the cracks.
What’s it like for you when you stop gripping so tightly to how things ‘should’ be?
Have you found that internal steadiness that lets you dance with life’s changes?
Ready to discover the unshakeable ground that lives within you?
Let’s explore what it means to thrive, not just survive 💙

28/07/2025

Your Internal Sanctuary

Did you know you carry a sanctuary with you everywhere you go? Not just as a nice metaphor, but as an actual inner space that belongs entirely to you.

In IFS, we talk about Self having this incredible ability to create what feels like a sacred internal space. A place where you can retreat, breathe, and just… be. It might look different for everyone. Maybe it’s a cosy log cabin in the middle of a forest, a sun drenched beach, or even just a feeling of vast, open sky. Some people experience it as warmth in their chest, others as a sense of coming home to themselves.

Here’s what’s beautiful about this sanctuary, your parts know about it too. When they’re feeling overwhelmed or scared or just exhausted from all their hard work, they can come here. It’s like having a safe room in your inner world where parts can rest without having to be ‘on’ or performing their usual jobs.

Picture your part that carries anxiety finally setting down that heavy bag of concerns it’s been carrying. Or the part that brings anger occasionally, getting to just… exhale, knowing it doesn’t have to fight right now. In the sanctuary, parts remember what it feels like to be held by something bigger and more peaceful than whatever crisis they’ve been managing.

And you? You get to be the loving host of this space. Self naturally knows how to welcome parts here with such tenderness. ‘Come and sit by the fire. You’ve been working so hard. What do you need right now?’

The amazing thing is, this sanctuary isn’t something you have to build or earn, it’s already there, waiting. Sometimes life gets so loud and chaotic that we forget it exists. But it’s always there, this quiet place of refuge within you, ready to offer rest and restoration whenever you remember to come home to yourself.

Have you discovered your internal sanctuary? What does it feel like when you and your parts find that sacrosanct space within?

Ready to explore the peaceful refuge that lives within you? I’d love to help you find your way home to yourself 💙

14/07/2025

The Magic of Being Truly Seen

One of the most beautiful things about IFS therapy isn’t just learning about your parts, it’s experiencing what happens when someone else gets to know them too.

Think about it: so many of our parts have been working in the shadows, trying to protect us or keep us safe, often without anyone really understanding why they do what they do.
Maybe you’ve got a part that’s always pushing for perfection, or one that withdraws when things get intense. These parts have their reasons, but they’re not usually the kind of thing you chat about in everyday company.

Then you walk into therapy, and something different happens.

Your therapist doesn’t just accept your parts, they genuinely care about them.

When your People Pleasing part shows up and starts apologising for ‘taking up too much time,’ your therapist might lean in with real warmth and say, ‘I’m noticing a part of you that’s worried about being a burden. I have such care for this part, what’s it been carrying?’

No judgment. No rushing to fix it. Just authentic love for all the ways you’ve learned to survive.

And here’s what’s incredible - when parts feel truly held by someone who genuinely cares, they often start to soften. That hypervigilant part that’s always scanning for danger? It might finally exhale a little when it realises there’s someone else who’s strong enough to hold watch. The part that’s convinced it has to handle everything alone? It gets to rest in the safety of a relationship where someone else is holding the container.

Your therapist becomes like a steady lighthouse, present, reliable, beaming care toward all your parts even when the storms of life are raging.
They hold space for your anger, grief, your fear, your shame, your joy. All of it. And in that holding, parts start to remember they don’t have to work so hard to be loveable.

This isn’t just about having someone listen to you talk about your problems. It’s about parts experiencing a relationship where they’re truly cherished, where they don’t have to be performative or hide or work so damn hard to be acceptable.

Your therapist’s Self is in relationship with your Self AND your parts, with deep, authentic care. They create a strong, safe container where even your most wounded or reactive parts can show up and be met with compassion. And when parts feel that kind of steady, loving presence, they often remember something they’d forgotten - that they’re worthy of care ‘exactly as they are.’

Have you experienced this kind of healing relationship? What was it like for your parts to be truly seen?
If you’re ready to explore what this kind of therapeutic relationship could offer you and your parts, I’d love to connect 💙

07/07/2025

Halfway Through the Year!

We’re halfway through the year now.
A time when many of us quietly take stock,
not in a big flashy way, but in small, reflective pauses.

What have I carried too long?
What no longer feels like mine to hold?
What parts of me are tired from pretending?

Sometimes the most healing thing we can do isn’t to ‘push forward,’
it’s to step back, even momentarily, and say:

That’s not my work to do anymore.
That’s not my story to fix.
That’s not my energy to spend.

It can be deeply uncomfortable to realise you no longer feel the same,
about a role,
a person,
a version of yourself.

But discomfort isn’t failure.
It’s often the doorway to freedom.

You’re allowed to have changed.
You’re allowed to say ‘no’ now,
even if you used to say yes.

You’re allowed to grow out of things that once appeared to fit you perfectly.

Therapy doesn’t hand out permission slips, it helps you write your own.
And I’m here if you’re ready to begin.

30/06/2025

🌿 What does a healing system feel like?

For some, it starts with a whisper, a quiet sense that something inside has been waiting. For others, it’s more of a jolt…. like tripping over a part of yourself you didn’t know was still alive.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) isn’t about ‘fixing’ you.
It’s about helping you find your way back to the home you carry within, the one that’s always been there, underneath the burdens, the beliefs, and the noise.

With their permission to feed back, Clients often describe moments of surprising tenderness:

‘I felt like I was meeting myself for the first time.’

‘I didn’t expect to like that part, but I did.’

‘It was like turning toward a child who thought I’d forgotten them.’

Healing isn’t always dramatic. Often, it’s quiet and fierce in equal measure.
It’s honouring the protectors, tending to the wounds, and learning to walk beside your Parts with clarity and care.

This is the work. Not to become someone new, but to return to the Self that was never truly lost.

If that idea speaks to something in you, a pull, a knowing, a nudge, you’re not alone.

You’re being invited back in. 🌿

23/06/2025

Just leaving this here for your System to absorb!

“…..and there’s a real risk that those words become a part of how you see yourself.”

Remember, your Parts are NOT what they might sometimes carry.

17/06/2025

🦁When Our Protectors Want to Step In

Many of us may have experienced that feeling when someone we love, especially younger or more vulnerable family members, is facing a decision that makes our protector parts sound the alarm.
Every fibre may want to jump in and say ‘this feels wrong’ or ‘don’t do that.’

I find it fascinating how our internal family of parts can sometimes mirror our external family dynamics.
The same protectors that guard our own vulnerable parts may want to shield the vulnerable people around us.
But what if the most powerful thing we can offer isn’t our intervention, but our trust?

Picture a lioness in the tall grass, alert, watchful, ready if truly needed, but allowing her cubs the space to explore and learn.

When we can keep our Self in that same patient, loving presence instead of letting our protectors take the wheel, we can offer something far more valuable than our opinions.

We create a container of safety where the people we love can make decisions that are truly THEIR OWN, free from our fear, free from manipulation, free from the weight of having to manage our anxiety about their choices.

Is there a gift we can offer in all of this?

Inviting them to check in somatically:
‘What does your body tell you when you think about this decision?
Do you feel warm, at ease, maybe even joyful?
Or do you notice anxiety, unease, restlessness?’

Our bodies often know before our minds catch up.

Sometimes the greatest act of love, whether toward our own parts or the people in our lives is gently stepping back and trusting that their inner wisdom is just waiting to be accessed.

02/06/2025

The Beautiful Clarity That Comes From Knowing Your Own Parts

There’s something profound that happens as we deepen our IFS journey.

The more intimately we know our own parts, their voices, their concerns, their protective strategies, their exile wounds, the clearer it becomes when something doesn’t quite… fit.

It’s like learning the unique rhythm of your own household.
You know the sound of your teenager’s footsteps on the stairs, the particular way your partner closes the kitchen cupboards, the specific creak of that floorboard by the bathroom. So when you hear something unfamiliar, you notice immediately.

The same thing happens with our internal system.
When we’ve spent time with our parts, when we’ve listened to our achiever’s anxious planning, our inner critic’s harsh assessments, our people pleaser’s constant scanning for approval, we develop an intimate familiarity with our own inner landscape.

And then someone else’s projection lands on us, and there’s this moment of… ‘Wait. That’s not mine.’
Maybe it’s someone else’s shame trying to find a home in your system.
Their unowned anger looking for a target.
Their exile’s abandonment terror searching for someone to carry it.
And instead of automatically absorbing it (as our parts might have learned to do for survival), there’s space for pause and awareness.

‘I know my Parts. you may say, I know which Parts carry my shame, my anger, my terror. This feels different. This doesn’t belong here.’

Of course, trauma can cloud this clarity, our parts can be so activated, so blended, that everything feels like a threat or an emergency. But as healing progresses, as we create more space between Self and our wonderful Parts, this discernment grows stronger.

It’s not about becoming invulnerable or building walls.
It’s about knowing yourself so clearly that you can love both your own parts AND maintain healthy boundaries with what isn’t yours to carry.

Your Parts have worked so hard to protect you. They deserve the clarity that comes from you knowing them this deeply.

What have you noticed about this kind of recognition in your own journey?

26/05/2025

When Self Meets Part: The Sacred Dance of Healing

The 'magic’ happens in those sacred moments when Self settles into presence and truly meets a part with curiosity and compassion.

I witness this beautiful dance in session after session, when a Client's Self turns toward a part that's been carrying so much, maybe for decades, and simply says ‘I want to understand you.’ The part often responds with surprise at first. It's not used to being met in this way. Not used to being seen without judgment, without someone trying to repair or change it straight away.

There's an intimacy in this meeting that takes my breath away. Self and part, face to face, perhaps for the first time. The part begins to share its story, why it took on its role, what it's been protecting, how long it's been working so hard. And Self listens. Really listens. With the kind of presence we all long for.

In these moments, healing isn't something we do TO the part.
Healing IS the meeting itself.
It's the part feeling truly seen and understood.
It's Self discovering their own capacity for unconditional love.
It's the nervous system relaxing as the part realises it's no longer alone.

Frequently my 'Self’ has the privilege to witness this sacred encounter, holding space for the relationship that matters most, the one between Client and their own inner world.
Always I'm moved by the tenderness, the courage, the homecoming happening right in front of me.

This is why I fell in love with IFS. Not because it's a technique, but because it honours the profound healing that happens when we come home to ourselves…….one part at a time!

19/05/2025

When Chaos Feels Like Home: Befriending the Parts Who Keep You There

Do you find yourself drawn to challenging relationships, not because you enjoy the stress,
but because something in you recognises the pattern?
Maybe it feels strangely familiar, almost like home.

If you grew up in a household where love was unpredictable, emotions were volatile, or silence felt loaded,
then your system will have developed a kind of internal choreography.
Certain parts of you learned to scan, soothe, anticipate, apologise, or disappear.
From an IFS lens, this isn’t dysfunction, it’s intelligence.
These parts adapted to keep you safe.
They formed a blueprint.

So when you now meet people who are kind, steady, and available, some parts may not trust them.
One might say, ‘they’re too quiet.’ Another whispers, ‘Don’t relax, you’ll get hurt.’
These aren’t signs of self-sabotage.
They’re signs of protection.

In fact, your vigilant parts likely have brilliant skills.
They know how to decode tension in a room before a word is spoken.
They’ve mapped every possible emotional weather pattern and know how to dodge the lightning.
But ask them to rest? To trust? To be loved without proving anything?
They don’t know how. Not yet.

This is the quiet tragedy of the protector system, it’s loyal to the past. And the past, for many of us, was not safe.

The way forward isn’t to force yourself into ‘healthier relationships’ with gritted teeth. It’s to build new trust, inside.
Slowly. Curiously. Tenderly. Here’s how that might begin:

Meet the protectors: Befriend the parts who brace, fix, fawn, freeze, or flee.
Get to know how they’re trying to help.
Let them know you see them, and appreciate them.

Listen for the exiles: Beneath every reactive part is a vulnerable one it’s protecting.
A younger part who once felt unlovable, rejected, invisible or unsafe.
They hold the heartbreak.

Invite Self energy: Begin allowing your calm, compassionate, curious Self to make contact.
Just a whisper of it at first.
The system doesn’t need to be convinced, it needs to feel it.

Allow new experiences in small doses: Your system can’t jump from survival to surrender.
But it can begin to notice safe connection.
A kind text. A respectful boundary.
A moment of ease.
Let those land, even if a part says, ‘This won’t last.’

Trust the rewiring will be uneven: You may find yourself back in old patterns.
That’s not failure, that’s your system re-checking the map.
But now, something different is happening.
There’s a new part emerging. One who can witness the storm, and choose not to get swept up in it.

Eventually, what once felt like ‘home’….chaos, drama, the need to prove yourself, starts to feel draining.
And what once felt foreign…mutual respect, quiet companionship, safety, starts to feel possible.

And then, one day, your parts don’t brace anymore.
They don’t need to. Because they trust you’re here now.
And you’re listening.

Accanto Counselling

18/08/2025

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