Candlewood Counselling

12/02/2026

05/02/2026

05/02/2026

A lot of us, especially men, are taught to just 'crack on with it'.
Research by Mind and others, has found that men are less likely to seek help than women, even when they are experiencing serious problems or high levels of distress.
But, whilst 1 in 4 adults in the UK will experience mental health problems, only 1 in 6 will access support. Many people put off seeking help due to stigma, not knowing where to go, or thinking they should be able to sort things out themselves.
Asking for help can feel like you’re failing or being “too much”. Men can often feel under even more pressure to ‘Man up’ -to just keep quiet and cope.
This Time To Talk Day, you don’t have to share everything or say the ‘right’ things.
You just need a starting point.
You could simply say, “I’ve been struggling a bit lately” to a mate, partner, or colleague. You could book in with your GP, or drop a counsellor a message and see how it feels to talk
That smallest step is still a step. Let your first conversation be the moment things start to change.

29/01/2026

How Do I Choose A Counsellor or Therapist? ?
So you’ve decided that now is the right time to begin therapy – that’s fantastic. Taking that first step is a big decision. Now you have to pick who you want to work with. How do I choose a counsellor? What should I look for? Where do I start to find a good counsellor?
Looking for a counsellor may feel overwhelming, like it’s going to take up loads of your time – but trust me, it’s worth taking the time to research your options and think about what you need from your counsellor.
How to know if a counsellor is right for you?
Ok. So how do you know if you’ve found ‘the right one’? When it comes to finding your counsellor, it really is up to you. What works for one person may not work for another. If you haven’t worked with a counsellor before then there will be things you don’t know, which may feel uncertain. I know when I looked for a counsellor I had a million questions. But that’s ok. I’m going to try and answer some of the questions I had, below. I’m a qualified counsellor, but I’ve also been the client, so here is my guide to what to look for when choosing a counsellor:
Are they professionally registered and qualified?
The great thing about beginning your search is there are plenty of resources online to help. The bad news is, in the UK the titles ‘counsellor’ and ‘therapist’ are pretty much entirely unregulated. This means that literally anyone can call themselves a ‘counsellor’ without any qualifications or training. Kind of worrying really. A good place to start is find a counsellor who is registered with a professional body like the BACP ( British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) or the NCPS ( National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society). Being registered means that a therapist holds a recognised counselling qualification and are committed to continuing professional development. They will also follow a code of ethics and have regular supervision to ensure they are practicing safely. You can find registers of BACP or NCPS members ( or any other professional counselling organisation) online. Make sure you counsellor is listed on there, or ask them which professional body they are registered with.
Do they have experience/ Specialisms?
Obviously when picking a counsellor you’ll want someone who has experience working with the things you want help with. So if you’ve experienced depression, you might look specifically for someone who specializes in depression. Experience is obviously important, but it’s not the only thing to consider. Another thing to look into is a counsellor’s background, their training, how they keep up to date, and their counselling modality. Lots of counsellors will state their experience clearly on their website. Think about what you personally want to know about your counsellor and their background.
How will you access counselling?
Now you’ve got some ideas about who you might want to work with – think about the practicalities. When will you be able to meet up with your therapist? Where are you based? Do you need online counselling or are you able to travel to meet someone face-to-face?
Let’s start with when. Do you have regular time that you know you’re free? If you’ve never spoken to a therapist before, you might need a bit of clearing some time in your diary. Make sure you have a think about when you’re available before you contact anyone. Most therapists will be pretty flexible when it comes to finding a mutually convenient time. Say you can only meet on Thursday afternoons, just let your potential therapist know! Compatibility is important so early on, let them know your time limitations.
Online counselling is increasingly popular. There are benefits and down-sides to both meeting online and face to face. Online counselling means you don’t have to travel to meet someone, which can save time and money. Some people prefer online sessions, others prefer face to face. Think about what you’d prefer. If you’d like face-to-face counselling, you might want to consider where the therapist is located. If you don’t want to travel too far out of your home area that’s completely reasonable. Decide how far you want to travel.
Finally a big one is money. Private counselling can be expensive. Think about how much counselling you can realistically afford. Do you need to find lower cost counselling? Can your GP refer you for counselling on the NHS? You may have a long wait, but it might be worth considering. Think about how much money you can afford to pay per session, and see if you can find someone whose rate fits your budget.
Have you got any access requirements? Make sure your potential therapist can meet your needs. Ask if the counselling rooms are accessible? If you’re deaf do they have a hearing loop? What about if you’re wheelchair user? Whatever your accessibility requirements make sure your potential therapist can cater for your needs.
You feel uncomfortable? Move on!
This one is key. Every article I read about what makes therapy successful says the same thing. The quality of the relationship between client and therapist is the most important element of positive therapeutic outcomes. Feeling comfortable with your therapist and being able to speak openly with them is essential.
How you feel when you first speak to or meet with your therapist matters. Yes, counselling can be uncomfortable. Yes it will challenge you, and yes you may have to talk about some difficult things. But therapy will always feel awkward if you don’t trust and feel safe with your therapist. Your therapist should empower you to explore your feelings in a safe environment. If you don’t feel safe, it won’t work.
During your initial consultation with your counsellor, chat to them. Ask questions. They’re here to help you but this is also about YOU figuring out if you can trust this person with your thoughts and emotions. Most therapists will offer a free initial consultation as this is their chance to tell you what they offer and for you to get a sense of who they are and how they come across. Ask your counsellor about how they work, listen to how they respond to you, and see if they feel like someone you can work with. Trust your initial feelings.
Speak to a few therapists. If you don’t feel at ease, speak to someone else. I can’t stress this enough. Just because you contacted somebody doesn’t mean you have to go with them. Take your time. If you feel pressured into ‘committing’ to a therapist when you first speak to them, then that’s not the right therapist for you.
But what if I start and then don’t like my counsellor?
It happens sometimes. But if you don’t feel like the relationship is working out, tell them! They’ll completely understand. Therapy isn’t always easy. If you feel you’re not getting on with your counsellor it is totally fine to contact them and explain. If you’d like, they could help to find someone new for you to work with. It needs to be right for both of you.
So...what should I ask my counsellor?
I’ve listed a few below but these are just suggestions. Trust your gut and ask whatever you feel will help you decide if you can work with this person.
• What qualifications do you have? What organisation are you registered with?
• How much experience do you have working with ( insert issue here) ?
• How would you describe your therapy style?
• How long and how frequent are counselling sessions?
• Can you tell me about your availability?
• How will we both know when it’s time to finish counselling?
• How much do you charge per session? Any concessionary rates?
• What is your cancellation policy?
Picking a counsellor can feel daunting, but remember you’re taking big steps towards better self-care and looking after your mental health. Asking for help takes courage. Make sure you feel safe and supported with your counsellor so you can openly explore whatever it is that you need to work on.
Good luck, and I hope you find the counsellor that works best for you.
Samantha x

How do I choose a counsellor or therapist in Newton Abbot? Learn what to consider, which questions to ask, and how to find the right support

12/01/2026

For many adults, stress has a way of quietly weaving itself into daily life. It can show up on busy mornings, restless nights, or a constant sense of needing to keep going. Often, it's not caused by one dramatic event, but by the steady accumulation of responsibilities, expectations, or uncertainty. My 'Understanding Stress' blog on the Candlewood Counselling blog page explores how stress can show up in day-to-day life, and how you might recognise when a bit of extra support or space to reflect could be helpful. You might find it useful to read, as a first step in understanding what stress might be trying to tell you. You can find it here: https://candlewoodcounselling.co.uk/understanding-stress-and-counselling-support/

05/01/2026

The fairy lights come down, the bills arrive, and suddenly you're staring towards February through a grey window, wondering why you feel totally flat.
This is January. Not the Instagram version with yoga mats and juice cleanses. The real one, where you're too tired to care about self-improvement and too broke to pay for a gym membership.
Your body is probably a bit confused. For weeks it filled up on mince pies and stayed up late watching festive telly. Now January has flipped a switch and is expecting normal service to resume. Meanwhile the sun sets at half four and your bank account is wiped out.
True, it can be about circadian rhythms and serotonin levels—reduced daylight throwing your internal clock out of sync. But it may be also true that you spent December running on fumes and fairy lights, and now your tank is empty.
People call it the January blues -not a diagnosis, but the name we've given to that flat, grey feeling that settles in after the decorations come down.
Blue Monday Isn't What They Say It Is
We hear in the media this idea that the third Monday in January is scientifically the most depressing day of the year. It was actually a PR stunt for a travel company. The whole thing is manufactured, but that said—people do feel rotten in January. The marketing story doesn't invalidate the lived experience. You can know Blue Monday is made up and still wake up feeling like soggy wrapping paper.
When It's More Than Blues
Seasonal Affective Disorder is different. SAD isn't just feeling a bit down because it's dark and cold. It's depression that arrives with the season and leaves when spring does, affecting roughly one in fifteen people here.
The difference: your low mood doesn't lift after a decent night's sleep or a walk in what little daylight we get. It settles in like a houseguest who won't leave. You lose interest in things that usually matter. You oversleep but wake up exhausted. Your brain feels like it's wading through porridge.
This isn't about motivation or toughing it out. It's brain chemistry responding to lack of light. If this sounds familiar, it might be worth talking to your GP. There are treatments—light therapy, talking therapy, medication—that genuinely help.
The Pressure of New Year New You
January arrives dragging this enormous suitcase of expectations. Lose weight. Get organized. Be productive. Optimize yourself into some shinier, more efficient version of you.
You don't have to buy into any of that.
You might not need an overhaul. You might just need a break. For many, whilst Christmas may be enjoyable, it’s not relaxing. Spending a month shopping, decorating, cooking, entertaining and showing up as your most festive self can be exhausting. So the pressure to then transform yourself in January when you're running on empty, can feel crushing. Mind—the mental health charity—recognises this, but the message can get drowned out by the noise of new year fitness and health transformation programs.
Rest isn't failure. Slowing down isn't giving up. Sometimes what you need most is to acknowledge you're tired and give yourself permission to just... stop.
What Might Actually Help
Instead of resolutions, maybe try boundaries. Saying no to things. Going to bed early without guilt. Spending an evening doing nothing productive whatsoever.
Winter is a season that asks for dormancy. Trees aren't frantically trying to grow in January. Hedgehogs aren't setting goals. You're an animal too, and the dark months are for conserving energy, not burning through it.
Connection can help more than you'd think. Not forced socializing, but reaching out to someone who gets it. A friend who won't try to fix you. A counsellor who'll let you talk without jumping straight to solutions.
When You Might Want Support
January is hard. The blues are real even if Blue Monday isn't. You're allowed to feel slow and quiet and not particularly optimistic about the year ahead
If the low feeling persists beyond a couple of weeks. If you're struggling to function—not just dragging yourself through the day, but genuinely unable to manage basic tasks. If you're withdrawing from everyone and everything, or if hopelessness starts feeling permanent rather than passing.
Support exists if you need it. Needing it doesn't mean you've failed. It means you're human, and humans aren't built to sprint through winter pretending everything's fine. This isn't about 'fixing' yourself. It's about having support while you figure out what you need.

20/12/2025

The glitter in the high street shop windows doesn't tell the whole story. For some of us, December arrives like a rising tide of ‘shoulds’: You should be happy. You should spend money you don't have. You should reconcile with people who haven't earned your time and attention.
It’s heavy, complicated, draining.
The adverts would have us believe that behind each warmly-lit, cosy-looking window and door, there is a heart-warming Christmas scene, of three generations of family sitting around a turkey. But the truth is often much messier. Maybe this is your first year of silence, of stepping away from family obligations. Maybe you’re navigating the "Phantom Limb" of estrangement—missing a version of a family that never actually existed. Or maybe you’re just exhausted from the performance of ‘getting in the Christmas Spirit’.
You are allowed to reclaim the calendar. If the thought of a full-blown family production makes you want to hide, shrink the schedule. Your Christmas doesn't have to be a fortnight of endurance; it can be a single, quiet afternoon. It can be a walk through the Teign Valley where the only noise is the river, or a day where the "traditional roast" is replaced by whatever actually brings you comfort.
Here is how you could draw a line in the Devon frost this year:
The "Silent" Permission: If you are navigating estrangement, the silence isn't a failure. It’s a boundary you built to stay safe. You don’t owe anyone a seat at your table just because it’s December.
The "1-in-5" Reality. You aren't as alone as your silence feels. Research suggests one in five families experience estrangement. Lots of people are making the same difficult choices to protect their peace.
Edit the Script: If specific traditions feel like salt in a wound, scrap them. Start a ritual that belongs only to you—one that doesn't require you to perform "happy" for an audience.
The Cost of ‘Coping’: Financial and emotional strain often peak now. If "making it perfect" is costing you your peace of mind, the price is too high.
While the lights on the high street may try to convince us everything is sparkling, it’s okay to acknowledge the grey. You aren't failing at Christmas; you’re succeeding at protecting your own mental health.
Enjoy your peace this Christmas x

I’m Samantha. If you’re looking to untangle challenges your facing and find a path to firmer ground, I offer a counselling in a space that’s professional but human, gentle but honest. Find out more about how I work on my website, or get in touch on Whatsapp.

Get professional counselling in Newton Abbot for adults seeking support with anxiety, stress, low-confidence. Near you in person, or online.

16/12/2025

The 'Fantasy Family' Trap
The first Christmas after you’ve cut family ties and said ‘No More’ - the silence can be deafening. It’s hard. You miss them. But – what is the ‘them’ that you’re missing?
According to research by the charity Stand Alone, the hardest part of the Christmas period isn't always missing the actual people—
it’s missing the potential of them.
You might be grieving an ‘Ambiguous Loss’ (coined by Dr. Pauline Boss) - a grief without closure. Are you mourning the warm, safe family Christmas you see in adverts—a Christmas you maybe never really had, even when you were with them?
The Pressure of ‘Should’
Removing yourself from a toxic family dynamic is a healthy choice, a clear boundary drawn for your survival. But it can also feel like a flaw you should fix by December 25th.
When you decide to disconnect is when the guilt can shout the loudest. Your brain may try to edit the past, whispering: "Maybe it wasn't that bad? Maybe I'm the problem?"
But that pressure to "just let it go for Christmas" dismisses the years of hurt that often led to the split.
Remember why you left. Did you walk away to punish them or was it actually to save yourself?
Sitting with the quiet discomfort of your decision may be be a lot easier than returning to the emotional chaos.

The Strategy: Write A New Script
Even after years of silence, the Christmas holiday can feel like an emotional wave, pulling you back towards what’s familiar, but toxic
The BACP suggests that the key to coping is to plan and create entirely new, non-traditional rituals that suit you.
My advice for the 25th? Re-write the script.
Don't cook a roast - eat toast if you want. Don't watch the Queen's speech if it reminds you of a rigid Christmas tradition. Walk on Dartmoor. Soak in the bath. Sleep till noon.
Write down three things you gain (e.g. peace, safety, sleep) and three things you won’t miss (e.g. anxiety, shame, damage to your chosen family).
Make the day unrecognisable. Your new rituals can break old spells.

You Don't Have to Explain Yourself
Whether you are navigating your first Christmas of being estranged from family, or feeling the pull of a lengthy separation, know this:
The pressure or expectation to ‘make up’ and have ‘the perfect family Christmas’ is external.
The peace you are building is internal.
You are doing the hard work of breaking a cycle. That deserves respect, not judgement. You don't have justify your decisions to other people.
Remember that your quiet celebration is a valid celebration - and it may be the greatest gift you could give yourself this year.
Have a peaceful Christmas x
Candlewood Counselling.

09/12/2025

So, let's be honest for a moment..
The adverts tell us this season is all about sparkling tables, perfect families, and unbridled joy. But for so many of us, the countdown to Christmas doesn’t feel like excitement—it feels like a tightening in the chest.
If you’re finding it hard to get into the spirit, I want you to know: you're not the Grinch. You’re human.
Christmas has a way of magnifying everything. If you’re grieving, the empty chair at the table feels bigger. If you’re struggling financially, the pressure to buy feels stronger. If your family dynamic is complicated, the obligation to "keep the peace" can be exhausting.

According to the mental health charity Mind, nearly a third of people feel unable to cope with the pressure of Christmas. You aren't alone in this.
So, how do we navigate the festive season without burning out? Here are a few gentle reminders:

🎄 Drop the "Perfect": Real life isn't a John Lewis advert. The turkey might be dry. The kids might argue. You might feel tired. That’s okay. Lowering your expectations isn't failure; it's an act of self-care.

🎄 Boundaries are your best friend: You are allowed to say no. No to the party you don’t have the energy for. No to the relative who always upsets you. No to spending money you don’t have just to "keep up." As Relate suggest, communicate your plans early so people know what to expect. "I can only stay for two hours this year" makes things clearer.

🎄 Make Space for Grief: If you are missing someone, trying to force "happiness" over the top of your sadness usually backfires. It’s okay to raise a glass to them, to cry, or to step out of the room for a breather. Your grief doesn’t take a holiday, and you don’t have to mask it.

🎄 Schedule the "Do Nothing" Time: We often schedule every minute of December with doing. Try scheduling some being. A walk in the cold air, ten minutes with a book, or just sitting in the car for a moment of silence before heading into the house.

A final thought: You don’t have to perform joy for anyone else’s benefit if you're not feeling it. If you just need to get through the next few weeks quietly and gently, that is enough.

Look after yourselves this week.

Samantha x