08/12/2021
Today is a very important day to me. To you it may just be another December day, but today, 10 years ago I was saved. I survived. The doctors who operated on me for over 8 hours, countless blood transfusions, antibiotics and pain medication ended when they removed my colon. It was killing me-literally. I had been suffering with Ulcerative Colitis for years.
Always in and out of hospital since I was 12, getting progressively worse and eventually having 2 years of my eldest sons childhood robbed by it by being isolated in hospital to keep me alive-a time you should be able to relax and enjoy with your first child. We never had that and it will always haunt me.
It took months after it being removed to even be able to walk again, breathe again-my muscles had all wasted away and I was in a wheelchair for some time. I had to learn to walk, learn to eat again. Because my body was so tired, it reset itself-I lost my hair, had pneumonia and pleurisy, a collapsed lung, MRSA, C-Diff and my bloods were all over the place. Every time I thought I was getting better, it got worse.
It has taken years of treatments, therapy and a significant force within myself to fight for the life me and my children deserve.
To do better, be better.
Living now with the repercussions of surviving that..is it gone-no. The mental battle will always be worse than the physical. The financial destruction and instability chronic conditions cause are indescribable.
But still..I fight.
And on days when I can’t anymore-God, the universe, the man upstairs, whatever you believe, works their magic and shows up when I least expect it that throws everything on its head.
If you are reading this and you have been a part of this journey with me and are still there standing by my side-thank you..for putting the pieces of my heart back together again when I couldn’t. For picking me and my children up when I was too poorly to, especially my Mum. Anyone that knows our story knows just how truly incredible she is. 💖🙏🏻
I do not share this lightly or for sympathy- I am sharing this because I am proud of myself-so proud. And with tears in my eyes I’ve learnt that’s ok too. 🥲
I share this for everyone living with a chronic condition, constant pain and feeling alone- I hear you and stand with you 💜
I share this to inspire people who feel like giving up-please don’t. Speak, shout, ask for help 🗣 Finding the right therapist and support will be your guiding light 💡 I know mine was and inspired me to channel my energy, anger and sadness into something beautiful.
I learnt, educated myself day and night on the connection between the body and brain and now..
now (and for the last 7 years) I have been working with patients across the country helping them heal, understand what’s happening to their bodies, so that no one ever has to feel as frightened and alone as I did.
Anyone who has stared death and destruction in the face multiple times, be it divorce, illness, infertility, whatever your battles are, and come out the other side-you are a true warrior. That strength within you cannot be taught only experienced.
But the more warriors I meet, I realise.. we all have a duty to find our purpose and deliver it effectively to better life-because you never know who just might need it.
Fall as many times as you need-even if you stay down, you will grow again in the right environment and eventually rise.
I finally understand.
I am not ashamed nor embarrassed-I am brave. I hope this helps someone else be brave too.
You are valid and you matter.
I am valid and I matter
God Bless ###
Crohn's & Colitis UK
Deveroux's Family Wellbeing
Northampton General Hospital NHS Trust
