Rebecca Vivash Counselling

31/03/2026

When people ask what led me into the mental health field, I often give a fairly vague answer. The truth is, the reasons are layered and deeply personal, and for a long time I’ve kept that story close.

As therapists, we’re trained to be thoughtful about self-disclosure. Our role is to hold space for our clients’ stories, not centre our own. But sometimes sharing something of ourselves can deepen trust and remind someone they’re not alone in their humanity.

The real reason I feel such a strong pull to support people with their mental health is my Dad. 💙

My kind, clever, quietly funny Dad - the one with the terrible dad jokes and the man who consistently beat Carol Vorderman on Countdown.

He also carried something incredibly heavy for most of his life.

In 1990, during the first Gulf War, he was taken hostage. Captured in August and released in December, he returned home to us just before Christmas.

I was a young teenager and remember the relief of having him home, but I didn’t understand the deeper impact of what he had been through.

Like many people of his generation, he carried on. He didn’t seek help and rarely spoke about it.

Looking back now, with the understanding I have as a therapist, I can see the signs I didn’t recognise then - the emotional withdrawal, the anxious need to know what was happening and when, the narrow window of tolerance for stress.

When trauma isn’t processed it doesn’t simply disappear. It often lives on in the nervous system, shaping how we experience safety, stress and connection.

My Dad was 66 when we first noticed signs of confusion. By 71 he was living in residential care, and by 73 he required specialist nursing care after being diagnosed with a rare and complex form of dementia.

Alongside the cognitive changes came a huge resurgence of the PTSD symptoms that had never truly been processed. At one stage his needs became so complex that only one extraordinary nursing home felt able to support him. Their patience and humanity have meant more to our family than I can express.

He has faded now and we know we are in the final chapter of his life.

Sometimes I wonder whether things might have been different if he’d received the support he needed after 1990. Of course, are no certain answers, but through my work I see how trauma leaves an imprint – not just in memory, but in the body and nervous system.

My Dad never really had the chance to process what happened to him. But the work I do today, supporting people to explore their stories and make sense of what they’ve lived through, feels like a continuation of his legacy.

And if sharing a little of that story encourages even one person to seek support, then it feels like the right time to tell it.

06/01/2026

Many of us carry echoes of our early family dynamics into adult relationships - feeling responsible for others’ emotions, anxious in groups, or uncertain about our own feelings.

Triangulation is one of the ways this can happen. In my latest blog, I explore what triangulation looks like, how it can affect your life today, and how therapy can help you start untangling these patterns.

If you grew up in a family where nothing was ever said directly, but everything was somehow felt this may resonate with you.Triangulation is one of the most insidious dynamics in families. It happens when a parent avoids direct communication and instead pulls a third person into the relationship to....

22/12/2025

When you’ve been in a relationship that felt unsafe or unpredictable, your nervous system learns to monitor for danger.
So the checking, the overthinking, the “are you okay?” texts…
are actually survival strategies your body developed to protect you.
No matter how much you try to be rational and separate your feelings from theirs, the anxiety still comes.
Emotional safety comes with teaching your nervous system that it doesn’t have to stay on guard anymore.

17/11/2025

We’re taught that love should feel overwhelming. That it should consume us. That we should fight for it, prove ourselves worthy of it, work endlessly to keep it.

But sometimes what we’re calling “love” is actually our nervous system trying to resolve something from our past.

If you’ve ever felt that electric pull toward someone who felt familiar in ways you couldn’t quite name... or found yourself over-giving, over-explaining, or quickly forgiving behaviour that hurt you...you’re probably experiencing what happens when old wounds mistake chaos for connection.

Trauma bonds can feel deeply compelling because they tap into our earliest templates of love - the ones written when we were too young to know that love shouldn’t require us to abandon ourselves.

Swipe through to explore five patterns that often get mistaken for love, and what they’re really signalling.
This isn’t about shame. It’s about recognising the difference between what feels familiar and what feels safe. Between intensity and intimacy. Between proving your worth and knowing it already.

You deserve relationships that feel steady, not just strong. That feel nourishing, not just necessary.
Save this post if you need the reminder. And if this resonates, I’d love to hear which slide landed most for you - drop a number below 💬

09/11/2025

Unpopular opinions I’ve gathered after 10 years as a relationship trauma therapist:

After a decade of sitting with people healing from emotional abuse, I’ve noticed some truths that might be uncomfortable to hear, but they’re also the ones that help people start to really heal.

🔸 “Just leave” isn’t helpful advice. Leaving an abusive relationship is a process, not a moment. Most people leave an average of seven times before it sticks and there’s no shame in that.

🔸 Healing isn’t linear. You’re not “taking too long.” Your nervous system has been through a lot, and it needs time to feel safe again.

🔸 You don’t need closure from them. I know it’s tempting to wait for that last conversation or apology, but closure is something you create for yourself.

🔸 Being “too sensitive” was your body trying to protect you. You were responding to a painful situation, not overreacting to life.

🔸 You’re not broken. What happened to you caused an injury, not a flaw in your personality. There’s a huge difference.

🔸 Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is stop trying to understand why they did it. Not everything deserves your energy, especially not someone who chose to hurt you.

✨ If this feels familiar and you’re wondering what healing could look like for you, you can book a free therapy call via the link in the comments. ⬇️

01/10/2025

🌿 October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.

So many people experiencing coercive control and emotional abuse don’t say “I’m being abused.” They say, “I feel like I’m going crazy” or “I can’t stop replaying what happened.”

In my latest blog, I explore the subtle ways abuse shows up in daily life - the second-guessing, the quiet undermining, the fear of speaking up, and how therapy can help you reconnect with yourself, feel calmer, and start trusting your own voice again.

Get in touch via the link in the comments 👇

When people come to me for counselling, they don’t usually sit down and say, “I’m being abused.” What I’m more likely to hear is, “I feel like I’m going mad”, or “I can’t cope with feeling this anxious”.That’s what coercive control does. It doesn’t always look like shouting...

14/08/2025

Really enjoyed contributing to Hello! Magazine about why playful affection often signals safety and trust in a relationship 🧡

12/08/2025

People-pleasing, over-apologising, second-guessing - these aren’t flaws or weaknesses. They’re survival strategies you learned when connection felt conditional. Healing rebuilds safety, so your voice can return.

17/06/2025

Emotional abuse often goes unseen, but its effects can be long-lasting and deeply felt.

In this blog, I talk about how these experiences shape us and why understanding them matters.

If it speaks to you, I hope it helps.

On the outside, you seem calm and capable, maybe even the person others rely on. You’re thoughtful, you show up and you get things done. But inside, there’s often a deep unease, where you question yourself constantly, apologise for things that aren’t your fault. Maybe you replay conversations ...

24/05/2025

So grateful to receive these kind words - it was my privilege to support this lovely client 💟

22/05/2025

Reflective journaling creates space to notice patterns in your thoughts, reactions, and beliefs. It helps you step back from automatic responses, understand where your stress or people-pleasing habits come from, and make more intentional choices.

Pause and check in with yourself. These reflection prompts are here to help you build inner safety, soften old patterns, and reconnect with your authentic self.