Rebecca Vivash Counselling

12/08/2025

People-pleasing, over-apologising, second-guessing - these aren’t flaws or weaknesses. They’re survival strategies you learned when connection felt conditional. Healing rebuilds safety, so your voice can return.

17/06/2025

Emotional abuse often goes unseen, but its effects can be long-lasting and deeply felt.

In this blog, I talk about how these experiences shape us and why understanding them matters.

If it speaks to you, I hope it helps.

On the outside, you seem calm and capable, maybe even the person others rely on. You’re thoughtful, you show up and you get things done. But inside, there’s often a deep unease, where you question yourself constantly, apologise for things that aren’t your fault. Maybe you replay conversations ...

24/05/2025

So grateful to receive these kind words - it was my privilege to support this lovely client 💟

22/05/2025

Reflective journaling creates space to notice patterns in your thoughts, reactions, and beliefs. It helps you step back from automatic responses, understand where your stress or people-pleasing habits come from, and make more intentional choices.

Pause and check in with yourself. These reflection prompts are here to help you build inner safety, soften old patterns, and reconnect with your authentic self.

16/05/2025

Do you find yourself constantly tuning in to the moods of those around you, sensing even the slightest shift, and feeling an undercurrent of anxiety when someone seems distant or upset, even if it’s not about you?

This experience often comes from what I call 'Emotional Vigiliance' - a deep, sometimes unconscious habit of scanning other people’s feelings to keep yourself safe or to prevent conflict.

For many, this pattern takes root early in life, often in environments where emotional safety was fragile or unpredictable. You learn that your own peace depends on the emotional state of others, that if someone else is uneasy, danger might be near.

Over time, this hyper-awareness can become exhausting. It blurs the lines between what’s truly yours to carry and what belongs to someone else. You might feel responsible for fixing others’ feelings or smoothing over tensions, even at the cost of your own wellbeing.

Even if these patterns have been with you for years, it’s still possible to shift how you relate to yourself and others. You don’t need to become less caring or dial down your empathy, you just start to understand what’s yours to hold, and what isn’t, and how to stay steady in that space.

If you're finding it difficult to understand where your emotional boundaries are, or you feel overwhelmed by the emotional needs of others, either I or one of my team of expert therapists can work with you to unpack what's going on and help you find steadier ground.

Contact us here https://www.rebeccavivashcounselling.com/contact-3

12/05/2025

Trauma bonding can look like:

- Cycles of intense connection followed by emotional withdrawal
- Confusion about what’s real or who you can trust
- Staying in relationships that leave you depleted, yet somehow still hopeful.

As a therapist, I often support people in untangling these painful patterns. Therapy can offer the safety and space to:

🧠 Understand how early experiences shaped your sense of connection
🪞 Validate your story and feelings (especially the parts you've second-guessed)
🔁 Uncover patterns, process trauma, and rebuild trust in your own judgement, so future relationships feel less chaotic and more secure.

This work takes time, gentleness, and support, but it’s absolutely possible.

📧 contact@rebeccavivashcounselling.com

02/05/2025

Have you ever said “I just don’t like to upset people” while quietly abandoning your own needs?

That urge to be agreeable, easy going, always available?
That’s not your personality.
That’s your nervous system doing what it had to do.

It’s called the fawn response, a trauma pattern where we move toward connection to avoid danger, discomfort, or disapproval.

You might:
• Say yes when you mean no
• Struggle to express anger or set boundaries
• Worry more about being liked than being honest

It’s not weakness. It’s survival.
And you don’t have to live this way forever.

Can you relate? What’s one way you’ve started choosing yourself, even when it felt hard?

09/04/2025

🧠 We need to stop beating ourselves up for not being able to think our way out of anxiety.

When we experience chronic anxiety, it’s often because our system has learned to stay on high alert 🚨.

It’s NOT because we aren’t strong enough to "just calm down."

It’s because our body still feels unsafe. 💭

This is why real healing asks more of us than positive thinking.

It asks us to listen to the body as well as the mind.

To understand where the fear first took root, and to meet it with compassion rather than judgement. 🌱

Perfectionism, control, people-pleasing are all ways we’ve learned to keep ourselves safe. 🛡️

"If I’m perfect, maybe I’ll be safe."
"If I’m in control, maybe I won’t get hurt."
"If I keep everyone happy, maybe they won't leave me."

When we stop seeing these patterns as personal flaws and start recognising them as survival strategies, we open the door to real change. 🚪

Healing anxiety isn’t about fixing yourself.

Its about creating safety, inside and out, patiently, gently, over time. 🤲🧘‍♂️

👉 I’d love to hear your thoughts - how do you support yourself (or others) in finding safety beyond the thinking mind?

Feel free to share or connect if this is something you're passionate about too. 🌿

02/04/2025

April is Stress Awareness Month 🌿

Stress is something we all experience, but when it becomes chronic, it can start to take a serious toll on both our mental and physical health. Persistent stress can lead to inflammatory illnesses, disrupt our nervous system, and affect our mood, causing irritability and make us more likely to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

As a therapist and consultant, I work with individuals and organisations who are dealing with the effects of stress, and I’ve seen just how damaging it can be when it’s not managed. The good news is that stress doesn’t have to control us. By understanding how stress affects our bodies and minds, we can take proactive steps to protect our health and well-being.

This April, with it being Stress Awareness Month, I’ll be sharing insights and strategies to help regulate the nervous system, prevent burnout, and manage stress in a healthier, more sustainable way. These are practical tools that can be used in your personal life and work life - no gimmicks, just real solutions that make a difference.

I’ll cover:

🍃 How to recognise the signs of stress before it becomes overwhelming

🧠 Simple techniques to help regulate your nervous system

🪴 How to set boundaries and create a routine that supports your mental health

🪷 Practical advice to prevent burnout and maintain balance in your life

If you’re feeling the pressure or noticing the physical and emotional toll of stress, know that you don’t have to handle it alone. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing more tips, and I hope you find them helpful.

Take care of yourself this month, and if you’d like to chat more about managing stress, drop me a message.

27/02/2025

As a therapist and supervisor, I've seen how people-pleasing behaviours, like taking on too much, struggling to say "no," and working excessively long hours to maintain the "ideal" employee image can lead to burnout and strained team relationships.

In my latest blog post, I explore these hidden costs and offer compassionate, practical strategies to develop healthier workplace dynamics.

Keen to improve your workplace relationships and productivity? Get in touch -
contact@rebeccavivashcounselling.com
https://calendly.com/vivashrebecca/30min

https://www.rebeccavivashcounselling.com/post/the-hidden-cost-of-people-pleasing-in-the-workplace

As a therapist and supervisor, I've observed how people-pleasing behaviours can quietly infiltrate workplace dynamics, leading to burnout, reduced productivity, and strained team relationships. While the desire to accommodate others stems from good intentions, it often carries hidden costs that can....

14/01/2025

If you were never taught to protect your emotional space as a child, it’s completely understandable to struggle with setting boundaries as an adult.

As children, we often learn from our environment, and if emotional boundaries weren’t modelled or respected, we may not have developed the tools to safeguard our feelings. As adults, this can show up as difficulty saying “no,” feeling overwhelmed by others' demands, or sacrificing our own needs to avoid conflict.

The good news? You can learn how to set boundaries now. 🌱

It takes time and practice, but by acknowledging your past and being kind to yourself, you can begin to create healthier emotional boundaries that allow you to protect your energy and show up as your best self. You deserve the space to care for your own well-being.

09/01/2025

Starting my day with a cold, quiet walk by this stunning field next to my office. It’s a grounding way to prepare for seeing clients, and I feel so lucky to have this view every day, a peaceful space for reflection and calm.