Rebecca Vivash Counselling

17/11/2025

We’re taught that love should feel overwhelming. That it should consume us. That we should fight for it, prove ourselves worthy of it, work endlessly to keep it.

But sometimes what we’re calling “love” is actually our nervous system trying to resolve something from our past.

If you’ve ever felt that electric pull toward someone who felt familiar in ways you couldn’t quite name... or found yourself over-giving, over-explaining, or quickly forgiving behaviour that hurt you...you’re probably experiencing what happens when old wounds mistake chaos for connection.

Trauma bonds can feel deeply compelling because they tap into our earliest templates of love - the ones written when we were too young to know that love shouldn’t require us to abandon ourselves.

Swipe through to explore five patterns that often get mistaken for love, and what they’re really signalling.
This isn’t about shame. It’s about recognising the difference between what feels familiar and what feels safe. Between intensity and intimacy. Between proving your worth and knowing it already.

You deserve relationships that feel steady, not just strong. That feel nourishing, not just necessary.
Save this post if you need the reminder. And if this resonates, I’d love to hear which slide landed most for you - drop a number below 💬

09/11/2025

Unpopular opinions I’ve gathered after 10 years as a relationship trauma therapist:

After a decade of sitting with people healing from emotional abuse, I’ve noticed some truths that might be uncomfortable to hear, but they’re also the ones that help people start to really heal.

🔸 “Just leave” isn’t helpful advice. Leaving an abusive relationship is a process, not a moment. Most people leave an average of seven times before it sticks and there’s no shame in that.

🔸 Healing isn’t linear. You’re not “taking too long.” Your nervous system has been through a lot, and it needs time to feel safe again.

🔸 You don’t need closure from them. I know it’s tempting to wait for that last conversation or apology, but closure is something you create for yourself.

🔸 Being “too sensitive” was your body trying to protect you. You were responding to a painful situation, not overreacting to life.

🔸 You’re not broken. What happened to you caused an injury, not a flaw in your personality. There’s a huge difference.

🔸 Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is stop trying to understand why they did it. Not everything deserves your energy, especially not someone who chose to hurt you.

✨ If this feels familiar and you’re wondering what healing could look like for you, you can book a free therapy call via the link in the comments. ⬇️

01/10/2025

🌿 October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.

So many people experiencing coercive control and emotional abuse don’t say “I’m being abused.” They say, “I feel like I’m going crazy” or “I can’t stop replaying what happened.”

In my latest blog, I explore the subtle ways abuse shows up in daily life - the second-guessing, the quiet undermining, the fear of speaking up, and how therapy can help you reconnect with yourself, feel calmer, and start trusting your own voice again.

Get in touch via the link in the comments 👇

When people come to me for counselling, they don’t usually sit down and say, “I’m being abused.” What I’m more likely to hear is, “I feel like I’m going mad”, or “I can’t cope with feeling this anxious”.That’s what coercive control does. It doesn’t always look like shouting...

14/08/2025

Really enjoyed contributing to Hello! Magazine about why playful affection often signals safety and trust in a relationship 🧡

12/08/2025

People-pleasing, over-apologising, second-guessing - these aren’t flaws or weaknesses. They’re survival strategies you learned when connection felt conditional. Healing rebuilds safety, so your voice can return.