Miranda Ellis Coaching

11/01/2023

I was struck by something my yoga teacher said this week. She said:

“Make your resolution about what you need to do less of, not about doing more.”

She was talking about the yoga practice and letting go of tension in the body, relaxing the body to get a deeper stretch rather than straining with unnecessary effort. Doing less.

I think it equally applies to other resolutions. I’m talking about your intentions for 2023.

- How can you work smarter, not harder?
- How will you make sure you have time for your wellbeing?
- Are there things that are draining your energy? Do you need to let them go?

Did you make New Year’s Resolutions? If you did, how are they going? If you’ve already discarded them, you’re not alone. Apparently, as many as 92% of resolutions are broken before January is out.

Why is, that do you think?

Chances are they were not realistic goals in the first place. If you feel something is too far out of your comfort zone or too difficult to achieve, then you are destined to fail. Instead, you need to break goals down into achievable, smaller steps.

Or maybe it’s something you feel like you should be doing, but your heart isn’t really in it. If your goals are “shoulds” rather than “wants”, the motivation doesn’t come from you but from some external pressure. Instead of doing what society says you “should” do, look inside. Listen to you heart. Be clear about what it is you really want for yourself and why. Then work out the first small steps you need to take to move you closer to achieving your heart’s desire.

I no longer make New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, I take January to reflect on what I want to achieve, then set myself a few well-formed intentions for the year to come. By the end of the month I am clear about what I want to achieve and why, and I know what my next steps will be.

This year I think my intention is clear:

Less is more. Do less!

10/01/2023

Delighted to be listed as one of the top 15 coaches in Norwich 😊

Norwich is a city renowned for its history, culture and education. Here are the top coaches in Norwich in 2023, where you will find the best professionals to help you with your career goals.

22/12/2022

I know Christmas can be a stressful time, so I'd like to give you a little gift. It's a quick guided meditation to help you stay calm and relaxed. You can download it directly from the link in the comment below. I hope you will enjoy it and find it useful.

Please remember to make time for yourself over the festive season. It's easy to become exhausted when there are so many people to visit and entertain, but you can't pour from an empty cup. Time for self-care isn't a luxury, it is essential.

Practising what I preach, I am taking some time off for myself over Christmas. I will be back in January to respond to your emails and I have appointments available if you'd like to book a complementary call to find out how I can help you.

Wishing all my clients and followers a peaceful Christmas and happy New Year.

Miranda xx

19/12/2022

On matters of the heart…

If, like me, you’re single, do you find yourself waiting to meet that special someone who will make your life complete?

If you do, it’s entirely understandable. The notion that we are incomplete without a “significant other”, without a “better half” is so deeply culturally imprinted on us.

And if you are in a relationship, how often do you refer to your partner as your “other half”? I certainly used to. It’s not surprising then, that I felt so bereft when my marriage failed and I found myself alone for the first time in my adult life. As much as it had been an unhappy marriage in the later years, and the decision to separate was mine, I still felt as if I had lost a part of myself.

Following my separation and divorce, I had several brief relationships, always seeking to fill the void and complete myself. It’s taken me a while, and a fair bit of pain, to realise that what I needed most was within me all along. I didn’t need another person to complete me. I needed to heal my wounds, to grow. Most of all, I needed to learn to love myself again.

Believe me, I’m far from perfect. I still have much to learn and I still make mistakes. Sometimes quite painful mistakes. But the first step must begin with the realisation that you are not half of anything. You are a whole person. You don’t need someone else to complete you.

Learning to love yourself can be a challenge. Again, it is deeply culturally ingrained, certainly within British culture, that self-love is vanity. It is not. Self-love is accepting who you are, nurturing and caring for yourself, learning and growing in compassion.

If you cannot show yourself love and compassion, how can you ever truly show love and compassion to another person?

If you feel you are so undeserving of your own love and compassion, how can you expect someone else to share their love and compassion with you?

When you can begin to love yourself, you begin to give off a higher energy that is attractive. Then, when you attract the right person, you will complement one another, but never complete one another, for neither one of you is incomplete. That, I believe, is the basis for a strong, loving relationship.

Positive affirmations can be helpful. Try looking at yourself in a mirror, whilst saying these phrases out loud to yourself. It may feel strange at first, but keep practising until you can say them and mean them.

I am enough
I am worthy of love
I love myself just as I am today
I choose to be kind to myself

13/12/2022

Christmas Blues?

I’ll admit, I’ve been in denial about Christmas. Now it’s less than two weeks away, I thought I should probably acknowledge it’s happening.

Why would I be in denial? Because I’m one of the many people for whom Christmas is a difficult time of year.

With the ever-increasing commercialisation of Christmas, I think we’ve lost sight of what it’s really about. The superficial trappings – all the food, the presents, the decorations – are really not important. People matter most. There is so much social pressure to appear to be brimming with happiness, but such pressure only serves to further isolate those who aren’t feeling the merriment. Problems don’t go away just because it’s Christmas. It’s okay not to be okay and to be honest about your feelings.

For me, it’s been different since my baby daughter died. Suddenly the tinsel, the parties, the schmaltzy adverts all rang hollow. What was the point any more? In the early years, we worked hard to give our family Christmas meaning. Rather than trying to follow all the usual family traditions as if everything was normal, we started some new ones. For example, we went out for a Christmas day walk and a picnic lunch on a frozen beach, then came home to our favourite foods in the evening. It was a way to mark the day and be together, where nobody had to pretend to be happy for anyone else’s sake. Surprisingly, those were some of my happiest Christmas memories.

Christmases in my childhood were mixed. I have some happy memories of the magic of Christmas, nestled alongside unhappy ones spent with toxic relatives. It’s an uneasy blend.

More recently, I’ll be honest, Christmas has been lonely at times. Being alone on a day when you know other people are surrounded by their families can feel quite isolating.

This year, I’m facing the fact my mum is unwell and this may turn out to be our last Christmas together. There’s an element of anxiety and a sense of pressure to make it count.

If for whatever reason, you’re not feeling full of festive cheer right now, know that you are not alone. Whether it’s because you’re missing someone who has died, because of past unhappy Christmas memories, because you are on your own, because of illness, or indeed for any other reason, your feelings are entirely normal and perfectly valid.

It doesn’t make you the Grinch. You’re not a party pooper. You’re not a bad person.

So what can we do to survive the festivities and reduce anxiety? Here are my top tips:

1. Listen to your heart – how do you want to celebrate Christmas? What would make it feel more comfortable for you this year? What changes can you make?

2. Make a list of the little things you can do that make you feel better – it could be simple things like a relaxing bubble bath, a walk in nature, or listening to music. Choose at least one thing to do each day that’s just for you and enjoy it.

3. Be mindful. Take a few minutes to sit, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. When thoughts interrupt, simply notice them without engaging with them and gently refocus your attention on your breathing. We spend so much time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future that we often fail to notice what’s going on right now. Meditation helps by bringing you back into the present moment.

4. Avoid comparing yourself to other people. Other people’s social media posts about their perfect Christmas aren’t showing you the whole picture. They don’t share the tantrums or the arguments. It’s unhelpful to measure yourself against unrealistic images of perfection.

5. Practice gratitude. Each day, try to notice at least three things that make you smile. It could be the smallest of things, like sunshine on a crisp, frosty morning, or enjoying a cup of coffee. Pay attention to the little things and express your gratitude for them, then notice how you feel. It’s impossible to feel negative emotions at the same time as feeling grateful.

6. Give the gift of time wisely. Spend quality time with people you genuinely care about, family or friends, and be fully present, give them your full attention. Avoid toxic people who drain your energy and avoid over-committing yourself – make sure there is time in your busy schedule for you.

7. Talk. Tell people how you’re feeling and be honest. It’s good to acknowledge your feelings and to share with someone who will listen without judgement. The Samaritans are excellent listeners who are available for everyone 24/7. You don’t have to be desperate to call them – 116 123.

However you are spending Christmas this year, I wish you peace and happiness. I am here if you need me, please don’t hesitate to send me a message or email miranda@mirandaelliscoaching.com if you want to talk to someone who understands.

29/11/2022

I just finished another powerful hypnosis session with a client who, just two weeks ago came to me with such anxiety that she was in tears all the time and having panic attacks. It was affecting her work and her personal relationships.

Today she arrived looking calm and radiant, feeling so much better than she has for a long time. She is able to concentrate on her work, feeling more effective, and she is feeling that harmony has been restored in her relationships. She has found her inner peace and I’m so happy for her.

I often hear people talking about having anxiety like it’s a thing they own. Without realising it, they are holding onto it and making it a part of their identity. It becomes habitual and takes root.

To be free from anxiety, we need to let it go. It really is that simple. I know from personal experience that it doesn’t feel simple at all, but holding onto anxiety will only feed it and keep it alive.

Your natural state, your default if you like, is to be happy, but negative thoughts create negative feelings that pull us out of shape and make us unhappy. When you begin to release anxiety, indeed any negative state, what’s left is inner peace.

You already have all of the resources you need in life to be happy, calm and confident. When I work with my clients I help them release their hold on negative states like anxiety so that they can let them go, reconnect with their resources and return to their default, contented state.

If you were holding hot coals in your hands, you’d drop them pretty quickly, right? So if an emotion is hurting you, drop it. Let it go.

Hypnotherapy can help and the results are instant. Two sessions is all it took for my client to feel so much better, and todays session will have given her a final boost to get her where she wants to be.

If you’re struggling with anxiety, don’t own it. It isn’t yours. It is temporary. It may try to make you believe it has moved in permanently. Don’t let it. Even if you’ve struggled with it for a long time, I can help you release it and find your inner peace again.

Visit https://mirandaelliscoaching.com/contact/ to book a free initial chat.

22/11/2022

Need a quick confidence boost? Try this…

A simple technique to help you reconnect with your confidence and feel amazing.

19/11/2022

Daily Mindfulness Practice

Earlier in the week I debunked some common myths around meditation. Today I’d like to share some ideas for bringing mindfulness into your daily life. What has chocolate got to do with mindfulness? You’ll see…

All too often in our busy lives we get caught up in what we are doing or embroiled in thinking, about the past or the future, and we forget to notice how we are feeling right now in the present moment.

Mindfulness is about making some space in your day to notice what is going on for you right now, bringing you back into the present moment. It helps you keep calm, relaxed and focussed, restoring a little balance to your day.

Whatever you’re doing right now, take a moment to stop and take a couple of slow, deep breaths. Now rub two fingertips together, slowly and attentively. Notice the feeling. See if you can feel all of the fingertip ridges on both fingers. Rub the palm of one hand with the fingertips of the other hand, again, slowly and with attention to the sensations.

That little mindfulness break is something you can do at any point in the day. Give it a try! Take a short break from your work, or try it while you’re waiting for the kettle to boil. Take that moment to check in with yourself and notice how you feel.

Other things to try:

Focus on the physical sensations every time you wash your hands – the temperature of the water, the texture of the soapy lather, the feeling of the towel or hand drier.

Focus on your feet and try to feel each one of your toes.

Rub your hands together until they feel warm, then cup the palms of your hands over your eyes and feel the warmth radiating from your hands.

(This one is my favourite…) Unwrap a square of chocolate. Look at the colour, shape and texture. Bring it up to your nose and inhale the aroma. Put it on your tongue and let it slowly melt, without chewing, whilst noticing the flavour and the sensation as the chocolate melts.

It may help to set an alarm on your phone to remind you to check in with yourself at intervals. Notice how the habit of mindfulness, by bringing you back into the present moment, reduces any stress you may be feeling and helps you refocus.

17/11/2022

Meditation Myths

Meditation is a powerful tool for wellbeing that I’d encourage everyone to try. Regular mediation practice helps you reduce stress and improve your concentration. It can lead to better sleep, greater self-awareness and lower blood pressure.

Let’s dispel a few myths about meditation:

❌ My mind is so busy, there’s no way I can switch off my thoughts

Meditation is not about stopping your thoughts. That’s virtually impossible. It’s about noticing them, without getting caught up in them. Rather like sitting beside a busy street and watching the cars passing, without chasing after them. The more you practice observing your thoughts and letting them go, the more you will notice the difference. Some days your mind will be quieter than other days. This is entirely normal.

❌ I can’t sit like that, it’s too uncomfortable

You don’t have to sit cross-legged on the floor to meditate, you can do it anywhere. An upright position is generally best, with feet flat on the floor if you’re sitting in a chair. You can meditate lying down if you prefer, although you may find you drift off to sleep more readily in a prone position.

❌ I don’t have time

Yes you do! You don’t need to meditate for hours on end for it to be effective. Just 5 minutes per day will make a big difference, especially if you incorporate mindfulness into your day in other ways too. (More on this later in the week!). You will find that those 5 minutes invested in yourself will increase your focus, making you work more efficiently and ultimately saving time.

❌ I’ll get frustrated because I can’t do it properly

Even the most experienced practitioners have days when their mind is busy. A busy mind doesn’t mean you’re not doing it properly. Everyone who meditates realises at some point during their mediation that they have been distracted by their thoughts. When this happens, because it will – it’s normal, gently and kindly bring your attention back to your focus. Be kind to yourself, without getting cross or frustrated.

❓What do you actually do?

The short answer is, nothing! Or as near to nothing as is possible…

The more involved answer is, whilst sitting still, usually with eyes closed to reduce distractions, you focus your attention on a given object. The object of focus is often the breath, because it is something we all have and can all observe. You focus your attention on the sensations of breath coming in and out of the body. Sometimes you will be instructed to count the breaths. This is known as mindfulness of breathing. Some meditations have a different focus, for example, thinking kind thoughts about yourself and others, or visualising a place or journey.

❓I don’t know where to start

Allow me to help…

There are lots of really good apps and YouTube videos out there that are an excellent starting point. You’ll be guided through the practice with instructions and reminders to help maintain your focus. Sample a few different ones to find a voice and style you like.

I’d recommend starting out with no more than 5-10 minutes per day, then when you get used to the practice, you can either increase the length of your meditation session or add in another 5-10 minute session at a different time of day if you wish to expand your practice.

You might like to try my guided meditations. I have a new YouTube channel where I will be posting new videos every week, including guided meditation videos. If you like these, you might also be interested in my little album of guided relaxations, available to download and keep for a small fee – details will be shared in the comments below.

16/11/2022

Are you having trouble sleeping? Worries on your mind? I can help. Let’s talk...

Norwich hypnotherapist Miranda Ellis from NR3 has revealed how to reduce anxiety and get good sleep at night.

14/11/2022

We’re all breathing, all the time, every day of our lives, but how often do we ever give it any thought?

Did you know, you have a powerful tool for relaxation that is always with you? Just focussing on your breathing has the power to relax your body and calm your mind. It’s so simple, yet so very effective.

Have a watch and let me know how you get on.

We all do it every day of our lives, but most of the time we pay it no attention. Focussing on your breathing can help you feel instantly calmer and more re...