19/04/2026
Sea
Sunsets
Sunrises
Sauna
Salty sea hair
Sheringham
Swims
Salthouse
Some of my favourite things to soothe my soul...
These past few weeks have been HEAVY, the weight of Grief pressing down on my chest, the physical pain in my heart, the tears, the memories, the arching of my breath as if winded, I have been feeling it ALL..
That is what I do...I am a feeling being and I show it, I don't hide it and I don't hide from it...I feel the highs, the lows and the plateaus...and whilst some of the lows are really low I also feel happiness and joy and am grateful for it all...
It is over 3 years since my love left this earth and I am not sure whether the Grief will ever leave me and I'm not sure I want it to as it feels symbolic of my love for him and it has been one of many great Teachers these past few years.
I feel as though I am constantly learning...about myself, others, the world and how I move in it and I am learning to accept that now some time has passed not many people talk about my love or how I am still navigating his loss.
Sometimes it feels as though he didn't exist at all except in my head, heart and bones. Few people talk about him and his crazy inventions, his love of mini-cheddars and rice pudding, his generosity and how he walked to the beat of his own drum and his laugh....oh the laugh!
Christian's body died not his soul, our love didn't die when he died, our life together didn't die when he did. So if you know someone who has experienced such profound loss in their lives, please keep checking in on them, not just for the few weeks or months after they died, but years and years and years later...the person that lost their person will never forget them even if you do..
Thankful to the ones who still speak his name, who still check in and listen to me trying to speak even when the words won't come out, to the one who is new in my life and who has held me physically and metaphorically and who has never shied away from my grief...thankyou.
And just like the ebb and flow of the tides the feelings and the Grief comes in waves, sometimes crashing all consuming and breath taking, others calmer, softer and gentler...
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