02/11/2025
I couldn’t get out of bed.
The dark mist of ongoing life shocks and traumas had finally got to me.
Three weeks ago, my body just stopped.
I had nothing left to give.
My head wasn’t thinking properly.
A fog felt as though it was following me.
My neck hurt, a heavy block wedged between my shoulders and my heart hurt.
I felt like I’d crashed and burnt out - I had!
And I had nothing left to give.
All the daily battles; caring for my poorly family member, fighting the system for help, holding it together as a single mum, had piled up.
At first, I kept my head above water, handling it all, keeping afloat...but the repeated stresses got to me.
Eventually the cracks showed.
I couldn’t hold all that stress, trauma, and pain anymore.
Every day brought a new wave, and I just couldn’t keep up.
Some mornings, the idea of life outside my cosy, safe bed felt impossible.
The covers were soft, holding me, helping me feel safe, saving me from the challenges that were out there.
I had nothing left.
I just needed to rest and heal.
So I gave myself permission.
No obligations except the ones I chose.
I let myself rest, heal, just be.
When you crack, you crack.
Sometimes the bravest thing is to admit you need to take time to heal.
I was deep in the pit, everything feeling pointless, my energy run out, my body heavy with pain.
I’d given everything to everyone else, and there was nothing left for me.
But real life doesn’t pause.
I still had two children to care for, a home to look after, a business to run, all sorts of admin to manage.
So I did only what was absolutely necessary, let the rest go, and allowed myself to rest whenever I could.
That pain between my shoulders wouldn’t budge.
It was thick, heavy, like a burden pressing down.
I knew I needed healing.
One morning, after letting myself rest, I found a flicker of courage and acted on it immediately with some encouraging self talk.
I rolled out of bed, shuffled out the house, walked the short path down the garden to my garden office, and settled into my meditation chair.
The air was cool, the chair grounding.
I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and brought my attention to the pain.
I could feel the lump in my back and the connections of pain linking up with my muscles, like thick bands holding tight, refusing to relax.
I felt deeper down, a mist of heaviness, blocking my flow.
I needed to go into this pain to let it go.
I had to feel it, so I moved in closer, started to touch the edges of it, courageously stepping further into it.
It was so painful but feeling it felt right.
Suddenly, I recognised the amount of stress I’d been in, the amount of duty I was holding, the depth of it all.
Out of nowhere, a great surge of emotion came.
I couldn’t stop it.
The tears flew out of me and I wept, deeply and from my core, as all that pain was finally releasing.
As I let myself really feel how difficult it has been.
It had to go.
I’d been holding it for too long.
As those tears fell, I felt the pain begin to shift, melting away.
The block in my back softened, the heaviness rushed out through invisible pipes, and relief started to come.
I could feel my spine again, as though I’d lost it before.
I saw how the pain had disconnected me from myself, my body, and life around me.
With every breath, fresh air filled my lungs.
My spine began to straighten, muscles and bones clicking back into place.
I felt lymph moving from my chest and under my arms, the stress inflammation was finally draining away.
Life started to return to those freshly cleared places inside me.
A deep pulse of energy, nerves firing, my heart beating stronger.
I felt the base of my spine, energy pulsing, reminding me of my strength.
That energy flowed down through my legs, anchoring me to the ground beneath me and rising up out of my head filling the space around me, reconnecting all parts of me.
I became aware of my aura, how it had lost its light.
The stress and trauma had disconnected me from everything.
Suddenly, I saw a flicker and a flash as my grey atoms and molecules turned back on and sparked into into colour, reconnecting with everything around me.
It was as if I’d been plugged back into the world.
I reconnected with life again.
Sensing this reconnection felt like a blessing.
Waves of gratitude washed over me and the tears of pain changed to tears to deep thanks.
I hadn’t realised how disconnected I’d been, and how much it was affecting every part of me.
And you know what?
Everything feels different since that healing.
I feel alive again.
I can get out of bed happily.
The stresses and strains are still there, and life is still challenging, but to feel held by All That Is again feels like bliss.
Since that reconnection, little gifts have appeared.
A free Tesco delivery order of an entire week’s shopping, thanks to a mistake.
Reconnections with wonderful previous clients.
A fantastic night out with friends, dancing and laughter.
A couple of financial wins.
Extra support options booked in my calendar.
And my mojo is back.
In all this process I didn’t make myself wrong for feeling how I felt.
I knew this was the most challenging time I’ve ever had as a single mum.
I let myself revel in it, not push it away.
I gave myself permission to heal in my own way.
There were other facets to this healing using The Healing Spheres...
Long, hot baths.
Talking to friends.
Getting help.
Dancing.
Going out when I could.
Being around people.
Listening to music.
Clearing up the house.
Sleeping better.
Helping others.
Doing what I could, when I could.
Each action a reconnection with parts of me, all to help me feel alive.
Healing is never linear.
For Highly Sensitive People, living through trauma is a full-body experience.
But when we allow ourselves to rest, to feel, to reconnect, the shift can be profound.
If you’re feeling the weight of it all, know you’re not alone.
Your body is listening.
Give yourself permission to rest, to feel, to heal and take action with what you need to do.
With my love,
Be
💫💖✨
