Jonathan Hills UKCP Trainee Psychotherapist

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Jonathan Hills UKCP Trainee Psychotherapist

Online Booking 🔗⬇️ | Low-cost online counselling & psychotherapy based in Nottingham, specialising in relationship issues and emotional difficulty.

UKCP Trainee Psychotherapist, member number 2011185407. I've completed >600 core training hours in Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy at The Berne Institute on a UKCP-accredited training programme. I'm accruing client hours towards the Level 7 Postgraduate Diploma and UKCP Registration in Humanistic & Integrative Psychotherapy. Since 2024 I've volunteered for the charity Clean Slate 1197726 who support abuse survivors. In January 2026 I've launched my psychotherapy Private Practice.

07/05/2026

"If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad". Anyone remember Sheryl Crow? I'm aware that song and that lyric has a deeper meaning that I'm about to take out of context. But on the face of it, in the message of that lyric, there's both some truth and also some caution in whether happiness "can't be that bad".

It was maybe only in the past year that I realised that things that make us happy can be Unhealthy. And Healthy things can make us unhappy. Whether that's people, relationships, our behaviours, habits, etc.

So, it's a question of how bad is "that bad". It's not true that happiness "can't be that bad" because, actually it depends on what it costs us later. But, I do believe life is for living, and it's personal choice on what constitutes "unhealthy" and how much "unhealthy" we would choose.

The important thing is that people weigh up and balance the 'Unhappy ➡️ Happy' scale alongside the 'Unhealthy ➡️ Healthy' scale and then do what's best for them - which doesn't necessarily mean choosing the "healthiest" option. It's making a calculated choice that's the important thing.

And then hopefully not saying to themselves "Then why the hell are you so sad"! Quite self-critical, Sheryl Crow ☺️

03/05/2026

hold my beer while I find a way to turn this photo into a deep & meaningful therapy metaphor ☺️ 👀

Hope you're having a nice weekend 🌦 🤸‍♀️

29/04/2026

Sadness. I read recently that feeling sad, tears and crying are partly a social cue to signal to others that support is needed. Which makes sense.

But what happens for those who learned growing up that they must suppress their sadness in order to conform or be accepted and loved? They didn't receive a relationally attuned response to the sadness underneath and the attachment was interrupted.

And what about those who were allowed to display visible sadness growing up, but also didn't receive any attuned response, and were left alone with it? The attachment was interrupted there too. The social cue was missed or ignored.

Isn't this a sad topic. Because, there's nothing wrong with sadness in itself. Sadness can actually be a wonderful thing, and says a lot about the significance or how important something is, to feel so strongly about it. But for those people left alone with it growing up, they are left with the work to do as adults in therapy to learn to express it safely and ensure it is seen, heard and responded to, which is not a task they should've ever had to learn.

24/04/2026

📢 Now offering single-session online counselling. This is suitable for signposting or practical support on any present-day topic as a one-off session in 60 minutes.

It can also lead into recurring counselling & therapy but it doesn't have to. It's well suited for those at a crossroads who would like one-off support or a sounding board to help decide their next steps. It is not offered for emotional support or processing of past difficult experiences.

It can booked on my website, second option in the booking system, 'New-Client One-Off Counselling Session'. It's charged at the usual standard rate and the 20% concession discount is available.

www.jon-psychotherapy.co.uk

22/04/2026

Emotional safety and boundaries. I read a lot of mixed views on what constitutes appropriate healthy use of boundaries, and what is just avoidance that preserves 'peace' and limits conflict, discomfort and emotional intimacy.

I think it is possible to break this down and work it out case by case, but the straightforward answer in general is that if the person setting boundaries is having good quality of life, including some inevitable discomfort at doing so, but on balance is feeling healthy, happy and functioning well, then the boundaries are serving them well. And they are achieving the safety needed to thrive in their lives 🌱

18/04/2026

Our day-to-day environment affects our wellbeing. Whether that's our work, location, relationships, or where we live, these external factors will affect how we feel.

People come to therapy and quickly learn that there is nothing wrong with them; their response to their difficult environment is completely normal and understandable; and they are not 'the problem'.

So then it becomes their choice on what to do about their environment. Partly this is about exploring how a person ended up in this environment in the first place, because chances are it involves some kind of replay of past patterns, and 'healing' represents making new choices and having better safer experiences.

And partly it's about building a person's wellbeing, self-worth and confidence, so that they are better armed and more resilient in standing-up to the environment, raising self-standards, establishing values and boundaries, clarifying past confusions, and making choices in which aspect of environment to keep and which to change.

Others in the environment may resist and attempt to stop these changes, because they are threatened by changes that will no longer serve their interests. It is frequently those other people who should be in therapy.

It sometimes takes enormous strength and determination for a person to make choices for a better life and a healthier environment. Change and a better life are possible and the choice to attend therapy and commit to a brighter future is sometimes the most difficult step.

15/04/2026

Loneliness. It's the least talked about and most severe condition that I can think of. It's not recognised as its own disorder because it's considered to be a 'symptom' of other conditions. But in itself, it has symptoms and origins and it has significant impact.

Because it's an interpersonal issue it's likely to have origins in past trauma and mistreatment, or it involves the grief of losing people. It made me laugh to read the NHS top tip of "try and keep in touch with people". Well, erm... no s**t.

It needs taking seriously as its own condition. Each person will have their own unique experience of what it means for them. Maybe it's the absence of human contact; or maybe it's the emotional isolation of being in a room with people and feeling alone.

Its origins in each person need exploring, to find out what has happened to them in the past. If it's due to defences, withdrawal and avoidance, then what threat does social contact represent. If it's about communication being difficult, then why is that, and how does it serve a person to not ask others for their needs to be met.

Therapy can help identify the underlying needs and barriers, and can be a place to role-model, lower defences and build social confidence in a safe way. But it also needs each person to find safe people and safe experiences to build confidence and have better experiences in relationships, new healthy connections, and gradually lift the loneliness in a way that doesn't reinforce the painful isolation of the past.

Loneliness is a silent disease that needs paying attention to. The good news is that its origins make perfect sense and each person can be supported to build a more socially fulfilling life. 🖤

12/04/2026

What is the aim of counselling & psychotherapy? Seems like a simple question but it took me nearly four years of psychotherapy training to work out an answer. And even then, I had to go back nearly 65 years to Eric Berne 1961, who wrote in straightforward terms about people "getting better" or "feeling better".

There's so much theory in modern psychotherapy training about symptoms, and pathology, and diagnosis, and physiology of the brain, neuroscience and neuroplasticity, trauma and nervous system regulation; complicated treatment plans and modes of working; outcome measures, evidence and efficacy; benefits of the therapeutic relationship, etc. etc.

But in the end: if people can feel better and enjoy better quality of life in present-day then that is the goal, by whatever means, and from whatever difficulties they were facing.

Each unique person has their own choice on how to measure this, and whether they would like to be supported by therapy, or not, and whether it needs one session, or 100+ sessions. Overall, feeling better is the aim. 🌷

08/04/2026

Is it Addiction, or Obsession?

Obsession exists in the mind. It involves being very preoccupied, taken-over and unable to stop thinking about an external thing. It doesn't necessarily include behaviours that act on the thinking.

Whereas, Addiction is behavioural. And doesn't necessarily include thinking about the external thing. Addiction is about 'habit' and being unable, or it being very difficult, to stop participating in the external thing.

This difference matters because in both cases they may originate from past mistreatment that has left a deep confusion, so using the correct term is the first step to establishing clarity. Then from that clarity, an appropriate 'treatment' can follow.

An example is "love addiction", which might not be a valid description for a person's symptoms, depending on whether it exists in the mind as obsessional, or includes habitual behaviours as an addiction.

What differentiates the two terms is the underlying need that they are serving, and identifying this is the key to people feeling better.

Obsession is likely linked with needing safety due to feeling unsafe, anxiety, uncertainty and over-thinking. Whereas an underlying need for external soothing of emotional pain, escape, or relief, numbing, avoidance, validation or recognition then maybe there is behavioural dependency on an external thing.

Either way, a person's symptoms are rarely about the external thing, and really about what the external thing represents and what underlying need it's serving.

05/04/2026

Can joy be an issue? Well, hopefully not. But, it depends on context. Feeling joy, happy and content in a way that’s in-proportion to the present-day moment is lovely.

However… excess joy, elation, euphoric, intense feelings of magic can be sign that something from the past is being brought into the present. Maybe an old unmet need, or of finally feeling safe, or the yearning to be finally ‘chosen’, or of reassurance that things are finally ‘good’, or of finally being ‘seen’ and ‘recognised’, or as an escape or avoidance of underlying pain and shame.

Whatever it means, it isn’t necessarily a problem it is just important to make sense of it and separate past from present, and notice what happens when the ‘high’ is taken away. And then make a informed choice on what to do with it.

Otherwise, to ‘chase’ the highs, and suffer the lows, can become addictive. Or, sometimes excess joy is problematic if it comes with the message ‘oh but the good times are soooooooo good’, or ‘oh but the s*x is soooooooo good’ – in a way that is defensive, if those highs belong to an unhealthy or abusive cyclic dynamic of highs & lows.

Anyway, now that I’ve depressed a perfectly joyful Easter Sunday lol, I truly wish everyone a safe, content, joyful long weekend 🙏

02/04/2026

Guilt, and shame 🪦 People who experience overwhelming guilt and shame have probably been repeatedly punished with the messages of "failure" and "not good enough" in childhood. These messages might have been delivered by parents, but also from extended family, community, institutions and organisations too.

The child had no defence in the face of such overwhelming power imbalance from their carers and environment, and, even worse, they grow up confused by not knowing that their experience wasn't normal, and believing that 'they are the problem'. It's all backwards - because actually it was the child who was failed, and it was them who received the not-good-enough experience.

The child forced into these beliefs may grow up to please others at a high standard to avoid punishment and criticism; to take care of others to stabilise themselves by finding worth and purpose (co-dependency); and take on excessive responsibility for others' needs while abandoning their own needs. This all protects against the pain and worthlessness of guilt and shame.

To undo this child confusion takes a delicate process of building up self-love and self-worth at the child level; and choosing and establishing clear adult values in present-day about who the person wants to be, how much responsibility they want to take on, and that they can choose for themselves how much guilt and shame to feel - rather than allowing others to judge their worth.

It's a process of gradually correcting the original power imbalance, and empowering the person to be clear and feel good about who they are. And with repeated good experiences, which are probably uncomfortable at first, because they're so unfamiliar, the person can let go of the messages from the past. 🌻

Address

Nottingham

Telephone

+447464882790

Website

https://www.jon-psychotherapy.co.uk/

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