30/01/2026
https://www.facebook.com/share/1BugxSa5xd/
My PDA Autistic kid NOW, is the same kid, that he has ALWAYS been.
Kind. Curious.
Fiercely independent.
Anxious and
protective of his routines.
Eager to learn.
Competive.
Assertive.
Hyperfocused. Playful.
And desiring close connection with people he deems SAFE.
_____________________
That's Charlie in a nutshell.
It's ALWAYS been Charlie.
He's NOT a bad kid.
Just an intense and earnest one.
And yet some people, have demonized his drive for Autonomy....
So I'm going to sum it up, in 3 stories.
If you can't read them all, that's okay...pick one and then skip ahead to the end.
____________________
🌠Story 1
It all began at Preschool....
We went to Head Start. A government program for low income families.
He attended half days, 4 days a week. They served Federally Funded meals that included milk.
🍎Teacher:
Can we talk about how he
doesn't ask adults for help?
We worry he is experiencing neglect, at home.
🧠Me:
Grandma is a retired
preschool teacher, and
lives with him.
She lives FOR him.
She reads to him for
2 hours each day.
He is not neglected.
Charlie is TREASURED.
🍎Teacher:
Well, can you explain why
he would approach a water
fountain that is TOO high
for a 3 year old,
vault onto it, and straddle it
so he can lean forward to drink?
None of the other kids can use the cross handle faucet. It's from the 1940's.
It turns counter-clockwise,
towards the drinker.
Most kids ask for a drink.
But Charlie gets his OWN drinks.
He figured it out!
🧠Me:
Charlie has a milk allergy
and you don't provide water
at meals.
You REQUIRE him to use an inaccessible water fountain,
but YOUR concern is that he figured out a way to accomodate HIMSELF?
🍎Teacher:
Look, this is a courtesy
call. We would like to
conduct a home visit.
You can refuse. But it would
help us to see Charlie in
his home Environment.
His independence is concerning.
🧠Me:
And if I don't agree?
🍎Teacher:
Well, I would feel compelled
to contact a social worker.
___________________________
🌠🌠Story 2
2 years later, Charlie entered
A Traditional School Environment.
And it got even worse....
🍏Teacher:
Charlie had a bad day.
He was in the red zone for
most of the day... so I withheld
recess and had him sit INside
while the class went OUTside.
🧠Me:
What do you mean?
🍏Teacher:
Charlie kept playing with
the Velcro on his shoes.
It was distracting his peers.
I told him to stop and he
stood up from the circle time
rug, marched to the far corner,
and threw his shoes at the
wall, before returning.
🧠Me:
It sounds like he needed
to fidget and became
frustrated when you denied
him the only fidget available.
But he still removed himself from the group before throwing the shoes.
He didn't hurt anyONE.
He didn't break anyTHING.
He was impulsive but still
managed to be SAFE.
And you responded by
taking away his movement break.
Did that improve
afternoon behavior?
🍏Teacher:
Charlie continued to
stay in the Red Zone.
He didn't complete his Math
worksheet. And he asked
if we had toys.
When I said we only use
Manipulatives during certain
types of lessons and it was
worksheet time...
...he lay on the floor and
Meowed like a cat.
🧠Me:
He needed movement
and didn't get it.
So he expressed an age
appropriate desire for toys,
and when you told him they
weren't available,
he engaged in make-believe
play, instead?
🍏Teacher:
Charlie needs to conform
to expectations.
🧠Me:
If your expectations aren't
rooted in an understanding
of child development, then
Charlie will require
accomodations.
Children NEED movement breaks.
🍏Teacher:
Charlie doesn't have
an IEP plan.
🧠Me:
How do I request an IEP plan?
🍏Teacher:
Write to the principal.
*2 days later*
👩🏫 Principal:
Kindergarteners are not
eligible for IEP plans.
(That wasn't true)
_______________________
🌠🌠 🌠 Story 3
IEP Evaluations at a new school, a year later
👨🏾🏫 Principal:
Charlie isn't Autistic.
He's too SMART to be Autistic.
🧠Me:
Charlie already has an Autism
diagnosis from a board of.
Neurodevelopmental
psychologists.
What training do you have
about Autism?
👨🏾🏫 Principal:
None, but I don't need any.
He can make eye contact.
He likes learning but he
needs rules, punishments,
and strict enforcement.
You need to make him fit in.
🧠Me:
Autism and intellect limiting
conditions are 2 DIFFERENT
kinds of disabilities.
There is no such thing as
TOO smart to be Autistic.
And Autistic people aren't
deathly allergic to eye contact.
👨🏾🏫 Principal:
You know what I mean.
🧠Me:
I am familiar with harmful
stereotypes, yes, you are
correct.
If he likes learning, I think you
could find ways to motivate him.
But if you need ideas, I can
provide some. And I can also
buy reinforcer prizes he
can earn for participating.
👨🏾🏫 Principal:
Reinforcement doesn't
work with Charlie.
🧠Me:
What do you mean?
👨🏾🏫Principal:
We have a classroom money
system where kids purchase
prizes.
But Charlie always
saves his money for
the same thing.
🧠Me:
What does he save for?
👨🏾🏫Principal:
For a parapro to take him
on an extra library visit so he
can read the Smithsonian
website.
He wants to learn things
that are above his reading
level so he needs assistance.
🧠Me:
That's great!
👨🏾🏫Principal:
We would prefer he
purchase candy or video
game time.
He is the only kid in the
class who saves up
long enough,
to earn
supported choice time.
Our parapros are busy
people. So we make that
prize take 2 full weeks of
earning.
🧠Me:
If Charlie's choice is a
problem, you could remove
it from the menu.
👨🏾🏫Principal:
No. We like kids to THINK
they could earn extra
recess, even if its not
ever gonna happen.
Hope is motivating.
___________________________
🌠🌠 Summing it all up: 🌠🌠
Now, Charlie is 14 years old.
But now that he is older, adults seem to appreciate things like
*his independent problem solving,
*his playfulness,
*his imagination,
*his ability to vent frustration in relatively safe ways,
*his desire to learn from close connections with others,
*his ability to see through B.S.
*and his ability to delay gratification.
__________________________
But in a very DEEP and REAL way, Charlie hasn't changed.
What HAS changed, is that adults are more tolerant NOW, of his drive for Autonomy.
They expect it, in a teenager...
but they weren't prepared to accept it from a child of 3, 5, or 7.
And CHARLIE paid the consequence for their intolerance.
________________________
For YEARS, representatives of educational and medical systems, made Charlie feel unsafe.
They send Social services to investigate him,
referred him to stern ABA techs,
pathologized his desire to play in his own way,
denied him supports,
criticized him for making use of the supports that WERE available,
AND they demonized his desire to learn beyond their limited curriculum.
________________________
Charlie is Autistic and ADHD.
Charlie is PDA.
Charlie is disabled (in the social model of disability).
And ALSO, Charlie is perfectly FINE, just as he is.
I wouldn't change him for all the tea in China.
And I hope very much that the world prepares itself for more Charlies.
_____________________________
PDA Kids are already out there!
Their Moms and Dads are getting wiser, stronger, and louder.
And we are tired of the shifting standards, that leave our kids
labeled "old souls" when
they are young,
and "immature" when the
same kid is a little older.
___________________________
Charlie has always been Charlie. It just took you 11 years to get ready for him.
And Thats a YOU problem.
It should NEVER have been Charlie's.
