26/07/2025
How times change
6-7 years ago, I'd of spent my weekend getting absolutely wankered in order to avoid feeling anything at all.
This weekend so far it's been spent resting, meditating, working & grounding; not to mention a very impromptu tarot reading 😉 and voice note exchange with one of my favourite people.
I'd have been spending my time with people who encouraged and enabled my bad behaviour in order to validate their own.
Spending my time building toxic, toxic relationships with people who were never my friends, and never actually had my best interests at heart.
It makes me cringe a little bit inside, and a little bit sad.
I was hurting so bad, and not a single person could see it.
During & after Titler (Mr Big C), I spent my time going inward. Trying to understand "why" I'd been through all that I had - not just Titler, but everything from my childhood to the present day.
I started deep diving into my shadows, into my past and subsequently, and unintentionally started my journey towards healing.
I began taking accountability for my actions and started disconnecting from those who were only there when it suited them. The people that were only there because I served a purpose in some way. I remember being treated so poorly by some. Openly allowing people to speak badly about me and to me, and just taking it.
I once remember being called a "Drama Queen" by one woman because I was still grieving the death of my father. We'd only lost him two months before, and I'd left a bottomless brunch early to go home because a) I didn't actually want to be there, b) I was on antibiotics I couldn't drink on - and yet had still been encouraged to drink on them, which c) resulted in me actually being sick.... Did I mention I lacked boundaries - massively - as well.
I cut alcohol out. I stopped going out. And one by one, those people who didn't serve my highest good, started to fall away.
It was quiet. It was lonely. It even hurt at times.
It was hard. You often find when you start healing & are accelerating forward, you lose people along the way, and occasionally people will try to hold you back.
They'll tempt you back into that old way of living because they can't relate to the person you're growing into, and without meaning too, you begin to highlight & throw a spot light onto those parts of themselves that are unhealed.
You find that people will simply dislike you, for no reason.
They'll use the excuse that you're "boring" because your days are filled with finding the things that bring you actual joy instead of a week filled with regrets & never ending anxiety because you've finished your third bottle of wine the weekend before.
People will tell you, "you've changed" because you no longer allow them to cross your boundaries & if they do you set consequences for those actions - because a part of the healing journey and process in understanding your worth and realising sometimes the most loving response you can give someone is "No". Not for them, but for you.
You will find that you no long judge others because you no longer find joy or entertainment in gossiping or bringing other people down. It's not your forte; in fact, it never was, but you did it to apease other people & to fit in, and now, well now, you find joy in encouraging, enlightening and inspiring others.
And because of this, your circle will become SMALL, sometimes it will feel like it's only you, and then one by one, your people will start to arrive.
You know those people. The ones who show up and your soul goes ✨PING✨ "I recognise this person" - Those are your people.
You will come to realise that not a single person on this planet is more superior than another. We're all just souls attempting this weird ass human experience SIMs game we signed up 25,000 lifetimes ago.
We're all learning.
We're all growing.
We just do it at different paces and occasionally on different frequencies.
If there is something in your life that you're not happy with, maybe a cycle that keeps reoccurring (Mercury Retrograde is a love for bringing those bad boys back around every few months), I encourage you, in fact no, I DARE YOU, to start breaking that cycle.
You are way more than any of your limiting beliefs will have you believe.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF A GOOD LIFE.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOU.
The only person standing in your way is you. If you want to make the change, YOU have to be the change. Nobody is going to do that for you.
Healing is not easy my loves, but my god is it worth it.
I hope you're all having a wonderful summer so far and are surviving the current mercury microwave we're in.
Sending you love a million times over
Anna 🤍 ✨
