A Mindful Life

24/10/2024

We scrubbed up!

And won!!

This is us at The Independent Podcast Awards last night, where we were shortlisted for 2 categories

And came first in the parenting category!

Such a fun evening, celebrating with all the other independent podcasters, who are a passionate and creative bunch, all podcasting out of love for their topics.

Here’s a link to all the amazing category winners: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DWYhD9lyeyCQq?si=trvvbNRsRDqi5zYfRT-5zA&pi=e-BL4vx7VsTIO5

A million thanks to the brains, journalism, ninja like research skills and work ethic of the founder, inspiration and my co-host for the podcast Rachel Richards.

She easily does 90% of the work and I’m so happy she also got to receive the award in person this year. We also won last year (different category), but she couldn’t be there, so I swanned in and took all the glory..🤷‍♀️

Parenting teenagers is such a beautiful, life enriching and, at times, Halloween like terror inducing ride.

I utterly love being mum to my 3 teens and it is easily the thing I’m most proud of in my life.

I feel lucky and grateful that I get to discuss all the different, tricky and often answer-less topics with someone like Rachel.

We discuss sometimes difficult topics and have a lot of laughs along the way. We don’t always agree on our approaches, which makes it way more interesting and useful.

That so many are then listening and finding it helpful is both incredible and a little mind boggling
My teens are part proud, part bemused. (The eldest thinks we’re ‘buying fake listens’ 🤷‍♀️)

Have a listen or share with anyone who is parenting tweens and/or teens https://www.teenagersuntangled.com

13/09/2024

The way out of anxiety isn’t to be calm 
The way out is through 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭

Don’t get me wrong, practicing tools & techniques to feel calm, regulated, able to breathe more easily really, really help.
They can be life saving even. I teach and use them everyday!

But they’re just one piece of the puzzle.

Anxiety is fear - fear of the future, of the unknown, of the uncontrollable. 
Calming tools really help, but often the niggling anxiety returns - perhaps just as a different story.

To really shift anxious thoughts, we need to get quiet, to (courageously) allow and listen to our own personal fear narratives.

When they are clearer to us, we can begin to question them.

And then invite their antidote in : 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭

Trust in ourselves, in our capacity to manage and deal with the ups and downs of life, trust in the universe, trust in life itself.

It’s a practice

Trusting that maybe, just maybe, everything will turn out beautifully afterall. Whatever shape or form that takes.Imagine the freedom 🧡

What are your thoughts on this? I’d love to hear ☺️

17/06/2024

This model changed my life

It’s about communication. Our patterns and the roles we play in relation to others.
Which we’re usually unaware of and often lead to conflict. *

Many of us are pinging around in this triangle, bouncing between the roles, which are dysfunctional and rely heavily on blame and shame.
And exist due to a lack of honest, aligned communication

We all take on these roles at times

But we’re usually drawn to one role more than the others.

Which role is your go-to? At work? At home?

Is your tendency to play the victim? The ‘poor me’ identity?
Or perhaps you are a rescuer? You can’t bear the discomfort of not stepping in to ‘fix’?
Or do you find yourself blaming a lot? Often feeling like you’re surrounded by idiots?!

Both parties in the communication have to play the roles for it to continue.

To step out of the triangle, requires one person to up their self awareness, take responsibility for the role they’re playing and communicate their needs honestly & without blame.

Once you are aware of the patterning and its existence, you cannot unsee it. You start noticing the roles in yourself and in the people around you. It’s amazing information

People use the word gamechanger very freely. This is truly one.

Which role do you recognise the most in yourself?

*The Karpman Triangle is a social model of human interaction, created by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman in 1968

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10/03/2024

It’s Mothering Sunday and it’s prompted me to think about the words mother & mothering. 

I love this definition:
‘to mother means to treat a person with great kindness and love and to try to protect them from anything dangerous or difficult’
(Cambridge English dictionary) 

Which turns mothering more into an intention and a way of being. Rather than a role that some of us get to play.
It means that we can all be mothering, as we can all choose to offer others kindness and protection, to nurture others.

And the world can really use more of that!
So how about as well as celebrating our actual mothers today, we also celebrate mothering as an intention and as a beautiful way of being with others in the world.

Another use of the word I really like, is when we use it to describe ‘the largest or most extreme example of something’ e.g. ‘The mother of all storms’. 

As I mother of 3 teens alone, this 2nd definition also really resonates… 😁

Happy Mothering Sunday to you all, whatever that means to you and however you celebrate 🧡🌸❤️

10/03/2024

20/11/2023

This was my view on a run yesterday. If I looked to the left, there was bright blue sky. If I turned my head to the right, I saw dark, ominous clouds.

I could choose which way I looked, I could choose my view.

It reminded me that we always have that choice in life, especially when choosing our thoughts.

The dark and the negative has more of a pull, as our minds have an evolutionary negative bias.
But with practice, it’s completely possible to shift this and be more intentional with where we place our attention.

Where are you placing your attention? Do you have a pattern? Do you look towards the blue sky or to the dark clouds, perhaps worrying it might rain?

10/11/2023

For true learning, growth or healing to occur, we first have to feel safe. We need to feel comfortable, able to be ourselves, without fear of being judged.
I think this applies whether the relationship is a professional or a personal one.

I’m always very intentional in creating and maintaining a safe, non-judgemental space in my work. Whether its group courses, one-off workshops or 1:1 therapy work.

I often forget to ask for testimonials, so when this spontaneous feedback pinged into my phone last night from the mum of new teenage client, I did a little leap of joy.

A safe space where we’re given / can give ourselves permission to just be, is essential.

Where or with who do you feel truly safe? Truly free to be you?

01/11/2023

Pumpkin carving is an annual event in our home. No one ever needs persuading to join in.
(Although we really missed my eldest this year, as he’s now away at uni)

Carving is a beautiful space, where we hang out and get to be creative. Get our hands mucky, laugh at each others efforts, chuck seeds, try weird designs.

It feels nourishing and fun. It’s what I call an ‘ahhhh’ space.

Where we feel regulated, in balance and can just be

It’s so important we create these spaces. I know not everyone enjoys carving pumpkins though, so what’s your aaah space?

31/10/2023

We won!! ❤️🎉
Independent Podcast Awards
Teenagers Untangled - An audio hug for parents of teenagers

31/10/2023

So proud to win our category for self improvement at the Independent Podcast Awards last night!!

Missed the lovely Rachel Richards - co-host and momentum behind our Teenagers Untangled - An audio hug for parents of teenagers podcast.

Super fun night meeting lots of creative & brilliant podcasters and a big thanks to all at the organisers.

My own fabulous teens are excited and proud of us. And wonderful at keeping me real with late night requests on the train home to wash a muddy football kit for the morning…

26/10/2023

FEELINGS ARE SIGNALS
Learning about this way of seeing feelings changed everything for me

We spend a lot of energy pushing away feelings that don’t feel comfortable.
We’ve learnt that there are ‘bad’ feelings, such as anger and anxiety, and we try to avoid or get rid of them.

But we don’t choose our feelings, we only choose our behaviours. Our feelings are automatic responses.

Our feelings are SIGNALS.

We miss out on the incredibly useful information they bring, when we deny or repress them.

We also think we’ll somehow encourage them by allowing them. They’ll get bigger and overtake us.

It’s the opposite.
They get bigger and even explosive when we deny them.

When we turn towards them, investigate them and work out what their signal is telling us, we can choose behaviours that match the need and help us.
Which then soothes and alleviates the feeling.

Would you like to know what other feelings are signals for?

23/10/2023

NEW BLOG: 3 Steps towards Balance

I’m always trying out new ideas, tweaking my usual tools and ways to be present, to regulate, to stay in balance.
Just like everything else in life, we change, are inspired by others, perhaps read something new that resonates, as we grow and work out what works for us and what doesn’t.

I thought I’d share something in my latest blog, that I’ve developed and am using right now when I feel a little out of balance.

It’s a simple 3 step practice, that grounds, acknowledges where we’re at and then shifts our state.

As everything mindfulness and wellbeing, it all starts with awareness; NOTICING how we are doing, then STOPPING

Then trying my 3 simple steps to change your energy and state. Let me know how/if they resonate

Read the steps in my Blog post - in bio