09/12/2025
The Puppy Brain: Why Early Separation Doesn’t Work the Way You Think.
Puppies and Separation — A Mammal’s Reality 🐾
We talk about puppies as if they’re tiny training projects, but they’re mammals first — born with a nervous system that’s still under construction and completely dependent on connection. Their safety, their ability to cope, even their developing sense of “self,” all come from borrowing the stability of another being’s nervous system.
And this is where we get separation so wrong.
Those early weeks and months aren’t a time to “teach independence” or push the idea of start as you mean to go on. A puppy’s brain simply isn’t built for that yet. Their emotional circuits, especially the systems responsible for attachment and regulation, are still wiring themselves. The thinking part of the brain isn’t fully online — so behaviour isn’t a choice, it’s expression.
When people talk about encouraging “calm,” we miss the point. Life isn’t calm. Dogs feel excitement, confusion, frustration, joy — all of it. A healthy nervous system isn’t one that avoids these states; it’s one that can move through them without getting stuck. And that ability only develops through co-regulation: one nervous system shaping and supporting another.
Separation then becomes not about absence, but about what came before it. A puppy learns they can tolerate space only after thousands of tiny moments of connection, attunement, and shared emotional experience. They rise, they fall, they get overwhelmed, they come back — and each time, the connection is there. That’s what builds a dog who can one day be alone without panic.
We forget that dogs, like us, are social mammals whose brains expect partnership. Independence is not the starting point — it’s the outcome of a secure, supported beginning. When we treat puppies as if they should cope alone from day one, we’re working against biology.
True development comes from relationship. From nervous-system to nervous-system communication. From the lived experience of “I am safe, even when my world is changing.”
When we honour that, separation becomes something a dog grows into — not something we force before they’re ready.
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