Naomi Light

❤️‍🩹 Should I stay or should I go?
🌪️ Relationship crisis
👇🏼 Evidence-based resources

15/08/2025

What I learned about heartache

Some relationships have normal ups and downs, while others get caught in the drama of ambivalence. Your relationship is ‘fine’ or even ‘good’ and also ‘terrible’ at the same time.
One minute you are watching a film together, the next you are mentally filing for divorce.
One minute you are holding hands, the next you are screaming in rage.
One minute you are playing with your child together, the next packing a bag to leave. Again.
I am a couples therapist, and on my channel, I share gentle, proven solutions for your stuckness.
Follow for guidance and clarity.

31/07/2025

🤣 Talk about unequal!? I mean is he even in this relationship!? Does he even have a pulse?

Someone needs to tell her that she is not his parent! 😧 And to rip up that list! 🗒️ 🛑

Seriously……where do you even start with these folks!?!

27/07/2025

If you want to get good at managing conflict (unlike these two idiots! 🤣) learn to accurately summarise and validate your partner’s feelings.

Whatever they feel is VALID. Even if it is whole galaxies away from what you feel.

When your partner hears you accepting them as they are they can RELAX and when they are relaxed they can be open. That is the start of intimacy right there.

And if you are a wordy partner who takes 1,000 words when 10 will do learn to communicate directly.

Clear is kind ❤️

For more tips on managing conflict grab my resource Talking It Out: A Roadmap for Healthy Conflict. Comment CONFLICT below to be sent a link.

30/06/2025

📱 “Let me see your phone… NOW.”

Classic Emma. Classic Anthony. And classic case of relationship overthinking at its finest. 😅

When trust issues, attachment anxiety, and late-night scrolling collide, anything on that tiny screen can look very suspicious. 🙈

Ever peeked at your partner’s notifications and filled in the blanks with worst-case scenarios? 👀
Yup, same with Emma!

29/06/2025

Disclaimer: It’s normal to behave in some of these ways if you have been hurt. But if you are using these ways to act out pain you are unwilling to confront in a constructive way that is where contempt comes in.

It was only recently that I have realised that my behaviour at the start of our relationship was contempt. I was shocked. I thought contempt was obvious, malicious and rude.

Contempt can also be subtle, subconscious and ‘justified’ in our minds. It’s called covert contempt*and in my life it rode on the back of my low self-esteem.

The answer to this is healthy conflict. 😝

I have created a free couples conflict worksheet. Comment CONFLICT below for the link.

You got this!

Naomi 💚

28/06/2025

It is so hard to listen to yourself when your brain is like Waterloo Station and your life is going faster than a speeding train. 🚄

Under stress our thoughts speed up and we start making more errors. We see things less cleary.

If you are seriously considering ending a relationship you need to do some things to slow down your thoughts and get alone with yourself.

🍃 Take some time out for the routine and go somewhere calming - a forest, a lake, the beach
🍃Get some solitude. The person living with the consequences of your decision is you so seek your own counsel and talk to yourself about this.
🍃Journal your thoughts. Then read back aloud what you have written.
🍃Rest, breathe, stretch, eat well, sleep and breathe some more.
🍃Feel your emotions. Let them move through you like a wave. You will be more clearheaded if you are able to express what you feel.
🍃Ask yourself some open questions: What do I really want? What are my pirorities? What are my values/truth? Where do I want to be in a year/5 years?

Your heart will talk if you slow down long enough to listen.

Place the most importance on what you hear when you are calm, still and thoughtful.

I’m here for you.

Big love,

Naomi💚

24/06/2025

Be smart and never get drawn into a fight with your partner over who is right.

Your memory is always inaccurate, so you are both wrong in some way.

But you are both important… and so is what you have to say.

Next time you are at loggerheads, play the ‘switch roles game’.

🗣️ Argue passionately for your partner’s point of view, and get them to argue for yours.

🗣️ It makes the whole thing seem comical and takes the stress out of the situation.

Try it! It’s fun. 🤣

For more smart conflict reframes, grab my downloadable Conflict Rescue Pack. Comment RESCUE below 👇 It includes 80 game-changing phrases to use with your partner OR Roadmap to talking it out. Comment for a link to this.

20/06/2025

This is a both AND If you over-do the helping you become an enabler, but if you refuse to make space for the healing work you partner is doing THROUGH the relationship and insist that they are already sorted you repeat the hurts and you miss the opportunity for emotional intimacy.

So both AND!!

18/06/2025

What started off as a way to protect me from criticism had become an automatic default to be the one who says sorry. Very likely your inner critic has good intentions. If she can keep you being vigilant for areas to improve and keep you working hard to please others then you will be less likely to meet rejection.

Solution:

Maybe you need an inner encourager. Maybe I need one too. An inner voice that reminds us we are doing great as a partner, perfection is not the goal, we can be appreciated for our efforts and the qualities we bring to the relationship..and most importantly to encourage us to make space for our partner to fix their side of things. To remind us to step back, let things go wrong a bit and trust our partner to step up.

Yes there will always be things we could do better. But what if you saw your relationship as something to relish in. Something to celebrate. And saw yourself as a partner to be proud of?

How would that change the responsibility and burden you feel? If the voice of your inner encourager was louder in your ears, maybe you would walk a little taller, relax a little deeper and love yourself a little better.

16/06/2025

Can anyone relate to any of the invalidating phrases from a partner?

Being shut down by the person who you should be able to open up to the most is so painful. If you have been on the receiving end of invalidation, criticism, defensiveness, or contempt, I’m sorry. That is not how it should be.

We all say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret, and learning to do effective and swift repairs is an antidote to disconnect. But if you can avoid invalidating your partner in the first place, then shouldn’t we all be working towards this kind of self-control?

Practice using validation in your conversations. I think it's the single quickest way to deepen emotional connection.

Grab my conflict rescue pack and use it to enhance your conflict skills.

P.S A lot of communication is about tone of voice and, of course, context. Whether or not these exact phrases are used in communication, if you feel invalidated by a comment, then something needs addressing.

14/06/2025

Life as a covert avoidant! 🫣
When the idea of connection sounded nice…
but the reality of social interaction had you praying for a last-minute cancel 🙏
And then the universe delivered. 🤣🤣🤣

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http://www.naomilight.com/, http://bio.site/naomilight

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