14/11/2025
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On Fridays, between 1–3pm, something very ordinary and very brave happens at Hamoaze House.
People walk through the door who aren’t “the one with the problem.”
They’re the ones who’ve been holding everything together.
---
For a long time, Sarah (not her real name) thought she didn’t deserve support.
Her partner was the one drinking every day.
Her son was the one using drugs.
She was the one who “should have known better,” “should have left,” “should have been stronger” – at least, that’s what the tiny cruel voice in her head told her at 3am.
She’d heard it from other people too.
> “You’re enabling them.”
> “You’re part of the problem.”
> “You need to be tougher.”
So she tried being tougher.
She shouted.
She begged.
She hid bottles.
She checked phones.
She didn’t sleep properly for months.
And still, nothing really changed – except she felt more ashamed, more exhausted, more alone.
One day she saw a post about a **SMART Family & Friends** group at Hamoaze and nearly didn’t come.
> “I’m not the one with the addiction,” she thought.
> “There are people worse off than me.”
> “I should be able to cope.”
But she also realised something harsh and true:
She *wasn’t* coping.
Her world had shrunk to walking on eggshells around someone else’s addiction.
Work, friendships, hobbies – all slowly disappearing.
She felt like a background character in her own life.
So she came.
---
In her first SMART Family & Friends group, nobody asked her:
“Why didn’t you leave?”
“Why did you put up with it?”
Instead, people asked:
“How are *you*?”
“How are *you* sleeping?”
“What do *you* need today?”
That was new.
In the group, she met other people whose lives had also been rearranged around someone else’s drinking or drug use – partners, parents, adult children, friends.
No one was perfect.
No one had a magic answer.
No one was beyond hope either.
What she found instead were tools and ideas that made sense:
* How to set boundaries without screaming or threatening.
* How to stop checking their phone every 5 minutes.
* How to respond when someone is intoxicated – and when to step away.
* How to reduce the chaos in *her* life, even if they kept using.
* How to stop feeling solely responsible for someone else’s choices.
She left that first group a tiny bit lighter.
Nothing at home had changed yet – the drinking didn’t magically stop.
But *she* had changed just enough to feel like she could survive another week.
She came back the next Friday.
And the Friday after that.
Slowly, the shame started to melt. Not because anything dramatic happened, but because she was finally in a room where nobody judged her for staying, or for leaving, or for not knowing what to do yet.
They just walked alongside her while she worked it out.
---
If you’re reading this and you love someone who’s using alcohol or drugs in a way that’s hurting them – and you – this is for you:
* You are not weak for being affected by it.
* You are not selfish for needing support.
* You are not “the problem” because you’re tired, angry or confused.
You are a human being under strain.
And you deserve a space that is about *you*.
---
# # # SMART Family & Friends Group – Every Friday
**Time:** Fridays, 1:00pm – 3:00pm
**Where:** Hamoaze House, Mount Wise, Devonport, Plymouth
**Who it’s for:** Anyone affected by someone else’s drug or alcohol use – partners, parents, grandparents, siblings, friends.
You don’t need a referral.
You don’t need to have everything “sorted” before you come.
You don’t even need to say much – you’re welcome to just sit, listen and breathe.
If you want to know more or check it out first, you can call us on 01752 566100 and ask about the SMART Family & Friends group.
If you’re carrying shame, blame, or “I should be coping by now” on your shoulders, you don’t have to keep carrying it alone.
Come and sit with people who understand.
We’ll make space for you.
