Kerry O'Gorman Counselling

04/09/2025

11/03/2025

What is the theory behind rupture and repair?

John Gottman suggests that in successful relationships it is not the fact that we fight it is the way in which the fight is handled. I feel this also applies to us as individuals. We have our own unique relationship with ourself and if we can find a way to listen in a kind compassionate manner we can bring peace within our own minds.

A rupture is a break in the connection between two people. Often caused by hurt and anger, ruptures are a normal part of all relationships. Ruptures can vary from a single argument to a much longer prolonged breakdown in communication and trust.

The repair is putting in effort by both parties to emotionally and physically connect. By taking steps this can build into a much stronger relationship than before.

The steps
To identify the minefields (money, in-laws, sex, housework, to name a few) in a non attacking manner.
Taking responsibility and to maintain a dialogue, so that they don't escalate in our own minds.
Taking ownership of what is happening - "I feel - hurt, upset, taken for granted etc.
Expressing how you would like the situation to play out, listen to the other party and find a way to compromise, find that common ground.
Show appreciation and hope, listen to each other, acknowledgement, build the fondness.
Self soothe.

These steps take time and effort, the results help to build a much stronger, more empathic relationship where you both learn to take responsibility and how to communicate and express yourself in a non judgemental way leading to fewer ruptures.

Seeing a counsellor is a good place to start. It can provide that safe place and to have that person to help to you navigate as a couple or individual to find that common ground and find the way to build on the repair to create the stronger version of yourself or couple.

https://kerryogormancounselling.com/counselling/

22/02/2025

🌼What you focus on, amplifies 🌼

Just by starting your day with a kind thoughtful statement can help your day get off to a good start 🌻

18/12/2024

Changing the way in which we see and talk about things can have an impact our how we feel about ourselves and the life we are living. Why not give it a try - This isn't going to work to This can work!

13/11/2024

This time of year can be hard for some of us, how about trying something different, notice the differences and reflect on the positives.

28/10/2024

A quote from Brené Brown about vulnerability and how sometimes we shield it from others in the fear of their response and in doing that we are no longer our authentic self causing inner conflicts.

She talks about vulnerability as a superpower, think of it as two components. One is can we connect to what we feel? Can we connect to the truth in our feelings? And then, can we share with somebody, can I feel what I feel in order to stay connected and survive and share it with somebody else? Often the problem is the way the other person reacts to our feelings.

https://kerryogormancounselling.com

22/05/2024

You cannot measure or compare what it is you are going through, it is exclusive to each and every one of us. Loving, respecting and caring for yourself holds no limits.

You are worth it and you are capable of making the changes that you feel will take you in the direction of your preferred future.

What is your best hope for your future?

01/02/2024

This is a poem that has been written by one of my clients, it is with full permission from her, and it has put into words some of the journey she has been on.