Rhian Kivits

06/05/2026

S*xual betrayal trauma is not just ‘relationship pain’ or a ‘hiccup’ in your marriage.

For many women it’s a profound rupture in safety, trust, reality, identity and intimacy.

And when that pain is minimised by the people and society around you, the trauma becomes even heavier and more confusing.

I believe that you deserve support that recognises the depth of what you have been through.

Rhian xo 🦋

03/05/2026

When I ask my clients what the loneliest part of sexual betrayal is, I hear this all the time.

It’s not just the betrayal. It’s how impossible it is to talk about it.

There’s so much shame. So much fear of exposure. So much fear of judgement.

The silence can easily turn into isolation.

If this resonates, it’s not that there is something wrong with you. Please know that this is a ‘normal’ part of the experience.

S*xual betrayal trauma is real. It has a very real impact.

If you’re trying to make sense of all this, I’ve created a checklist to help you understand it more clearly.

Find it via my bio.

And this space is here for you.

Rhian xo 🦋

01/04/2026

Made For Mums asked for my expert opinion on the topic of 'mismatched libidos'. 🔥

In my experience, what can be perceived as a mismatch can often be traced back to other factors, like poor intimate communication or a lack of emotional connection and pleasure.

You can read the article here:

05/03/2026

I've lost count of the number of times I've had to explain this to unfaithful partners.

What she doesn't know DOES hurt her.

It hurts more than you can imagine.

The real damage is evident when she looks back and no longer knows what was real and true.

Every memory, every special occasion and even an ordinary day feels tainted when she looks through the lens of your betrayal.

So stop minimising the harm by directing her back to your 'happy marriage'.

Happiness built on deception is not informed consent.

Be accountable for keeping her in a reality that was not of her choosing.

And start recognising the traumatic impact of your choices.

🦋

*xAddiction

03/03/2026

As a specialist therapist, I hear this again and again in sexual betrayal cases, and it gets me every time...

“I thought we were happy. Not perfect. Not without stress. But we felt stable, solid and safe.”

Then the betrayal is exposed. And suddenly the life you treasured feels like a complete lie.

Memories don’t make sense. Conversations are replayed. Nothing feels real any more.

And then the shame creeps in.

“Why didn’t I see it?”
“I must have been so stupid.”

BUT you were not stupid and there are two important reasons why.

1 | Betrayal Blindness: a survival mechanism that protects you by softening or filtering the signs.

2 | Compartmentalisation and deception: cheating partners become experts at living their double life.

If it feels like your reality has collapsed, please know this is totally understandable after sexual betrayal.

You’re not over-reacting or ‘just upset’. This is relational trauma and you deserve to receive the right support.

Rhian xo 🦋

PS. Get your free trauma checklist from the link below. Understanding how the betrayal has affected you is a vital first step.

https://go.betrayalprescription.com/freebie

19/02/2026

Sharing this Telegraph article that featured my expert comment – I actually didn't realise this one was published until today.

My stance is that it's not possible to claim you are 'happily married' while having an affair.

Who's 'happily married'? You may be if you're the one having your cake and eating it.

But for your husband or wife, a 'happy marriage' surely can't involve being kept in an intentionally manipulated reality without their consent.

The narrative of 'what they don't know won't hurt them' is toxic and deeply damaging. It is abuse.

Two anonymous men open up about loving their wives, but admit they have no intention of stopping being unfaithful

12/02/2026

Decision paralysis after sexual betrayal can feel terrifying.

You're used to being decisive, clear and capable in other areas of your life. Yet suddenly you can't work out what you feel, what you want or what your future should look like.

I'm here to reassure you about this. You haven't gone crazy and you're not over-reacting or being unreasonable.

When your nervous system is in survival mode after betrayal, it prioritises protection. Everything feels overwhelming. You have no idea what's feels right for you, and it can seem too risky to make decisions.

It's unfair that you're now being pushed to make important choices when you never chose or wanted this path.

Honestly, trying to force clarity when you don't have safety and stability usually makes the distress worse.

But once your body begins to feel safer, your capacity to think, to weigh up your options and to make solid choices will return.

Your decision paralysis is totally understandable. It's a sign that your mind and body are fighting to help you survive.

Save this post if it helps you in some way.

Rhian xo 🦋

*xAddiction

09/02/2026

You can’t think your way out of survival mode.

If you’re struggling to decide what to do after sexual betrayal, this new article explains why.

If you’re coping on the outside but still feel stuck inside, you'll benefit from reading this.

Find it here: https://betrayalprescription.com/survival-mode-after-sexual-betrayal/

Rhian xo 🦋

*xAddiction

20/01/2026

Betrayed partner, I see you coping. I see you managing work, children and home, pouring yourself into keeping everything going.

But I also know the cost of living this way. 🌹

The constant anxiety as you wait for the next disclosure, scanning for signs that you’re still being betrayed.

Waking at 3am, your mind replaying the details of what you discovered, unable to fall back asleep.

Feeling reactive and depleted, with no capacity for conversation, rest or even half an hour of distraction in the evening.

If this resonates, you’re not alone.

After discovering a partner’s serial cheating, compulsive sexual behaviour or ongoing deception, it’s common for your body and nervous system to remain in survival mode.

This is protection. It's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. And it’s a sign that your system is still trying to keep you safe.

Moving out of survival mode is often the first step to healing after sexual betrayal. You deserve to experience a sense of safety that's real and sustainable.

With time, understanding and the right support, your body and mind can begin to settle again.

Rhian xo 🦋

*xAddiction

18/01/2026

Healing after discovering that your partner has been betraying you isn't one decision. It's a process. 🌹

I meet so many women feeling too shocked and distressed to know how to move forward after their partner's sexual deception has been exposed.

They're often being pushed to forgive, repair or decide whether to stay or go before they’ve even had space to understand what has happened to them.

But how can you make these huge life decisions when your whole world feels like it's crashing down around you?

In my work I see early recovery unfold in 3 essential phases. Without this kind of orientation, you'll probably get stuck in overwhelm and self-doubt.

And if you never had the chance to move through this process, it may be exactly what you need now, even if time has passed since you discovered your spouse's hidden secrets.

The focus isn't about fixing your partner or saving the relationship.
It's on your own stability, clarity and protection.

Only after this foundational work are you truly equipped to address deep emotional or relational wounds or make solid decisions about what the future holds.

Slow down and offer yourself the space to take one step at a time.
This matters because it's how you can breathe again.

This early healing path is your Recovery Compass. It's where we begin.

Rhian xo 🦋

*xAddiction

12/09/2025

Betraying spouses often construct a complex system of emotionally abusive relationship behaviours. 💔

This enables them to dominate and control your relationship while they continue engaging in their sexual cheating.

We can think of this as 'integrity abuse' – behaviours like gaslighting, denial and projection can keep you trapped in a web of lies that were never of your own choosing.

This is an issue that has to be addressed, whether you stay with your partner or whether your relationship comes to an end.

If you're a betrayed partner, I know it's painful to see your spouse's behaviour in this light. But without recognising the reality of what's happened, healing is elusive.

Integrity is essential for healthy, happy relationships. You deserve nothing less.

Rhian xo 🦋

*xAddiction