Rhian Kivits

15/07/2025

I'm so happy to be featured in this Telegraph article today about supposedly 'happily married' men who have affairs. 💔

Is it possible to use 'happily married' and 'affair' in the same sentence? I don't believe so. 🤦‍♀️

We can't excuse the lies and deceit, and the hurt that's caused when the affairs are exposed. 👀

Rhian xo

Two anonymous men open up about loving their wives, but admit they have no intention of stopping being unfaithful

02/07/2025

Featured as an expert in this article - online dating can be a minefield! You don’t want to fall prey to liars, narcissists or users!🫶

SHOCKINGLY seven in ten singletons say they’ve given up on dating. Why? Because half of them say they’re put off by constantly meeting liars. But are the signs there from the very first…

26/06/2025

It's hard enough recovering after discovering your partner's hidden secrets, but if you're tempted to carry everyone's burdens as you heal, you'll crumble under the pressure. 🥀

Here are three things that will never be your responsibility:

✨ Protecting your betraying spouse's image.
It's his responsibility to be accountable for every choice he's made.

✨ Making others feel more comfortable.
Don't mask your pain. You deserve to be seen, heard and validated.

✨ Repairing the relationship single-handedly.
Your spouse has to step up and help you heal before any relationship issues that were present prior to the betrayal can be resolved.

Save this post to help you remember that you don't have to carry burdens that were never yours to shoulder. 🌹

Rhian xo 🦋

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25/06/2025

So, Metro asked me to comment on why Formula 1 drivers seem to have an enduring attraction to some of us! 🤣

Will you be going to see the new movie starring Brad Pitt? I'm not sure it's for me, but I enjoyed sharing my expert opinion with the journalist for this one! 🥰

x

Why are they always hot?

24/06/2025

5 Things You Can Say To People Who Are Trying To Rush Your Healing After S*xual Betrayal. 🌹

✨ 1 | I’m taking my time to process what happened.

Healing from betrayal trauma takes time – first you’re coming out of survival mode, then you must work through your complex feelings and finally you’ll rebuild your life. This doesn’t happen overnight.

✨ 2 | I’m taking my space to heal on my own terms.

When someone pressures you, it’s okay to assert a boundary because nobody knows what you need better than yourself in the aftermath of trauma. It’s your mind, your body and your life.

✨ 3 | Healing isn’t linear, and I need to do it my way.

You have your own healing needs and every individual’s mind, brain and nervous system is unique. It helps to remind others that your journey is unique.

✨ 4 | I’m following my own timeline as I recover.

You have the right to take control of your own healing journey, after being disempowered and destablised by the pain of your partner’s choices. Don’t let others tell you what to feel or when to feel it.

✨ 5 | I’m respecting my individual capacity to heal.

The pace of your healing journey will depend upon your coping skills, your energy levels and how you engage with the tools and support you need. Nobody else’s expectations or assumptions matter.

You don’t owe anyone a quick recovery. 🌹

You’re doing the best you can and don’t need to rush. 🥰

Save this post so that you can come back to it when you need a boundary. 🙏

Rhian xo 🦋

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20/06/2025

I wish more betrayed partners knew that you don’t have to keep making excuses for your spouse’s gaslighting. 🤯

It doesn’t matter if his toxic relationship behaviours come from:

🥀 Childhood wounds.
🥀 Shame.
🥀 Poor emotional regulation.
🥀 Unhealthy coping strategies.

It’s his responsibility to address his issues. That's the only way that he will begin to change. 💔

Gaslighting is emotional abuse. 🧐

It’s not a misunderstanding or poor communication. 🤷‍♀️

It’s a deliberate attempt to protect the betrayer, not the relationship. ⛳

No amount of guilt, fear or pain justifies manipulation. It has to stop. 🚫

I know it’s hard to hear this, but if you want to heal, you have to name exactly what’s happening. 🌹

Rhian xo 🦋

🎁 PS. Don't forget to download your free Breakthrough Guide if you need a helping hand with your healing journey. I'm here for you.

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18/06/2025

If your spouse is gaslighting you in the aftermath of s*xual betrayal, he’s continuing to harm you by hindering your healing. 💔

When he twists the truth to protect himself, he’s manipulating you and keeping you stuck in the confusion of betrayal trauma. 🥀

Stay alert to the red flags. ⛳

Here are 6 phrases that your betraying spouse may use to manipulate you into confusion and doubt:

1 | You’re just being paranoid.
Makes you dismiss your instincts and feel ashamed for questioning.

2 | You’re remembering it all wrong.
Rewrites history, destabilising your memory of what actually happened.

3 | This shows you don’t trust me.
Flips the blame, weaponising your desire to rebuild trust within the relationship.

4 | You’re always looking for problems.
Deflects from their behaviour or flaws, and shames your awareness of the issues.

5 | It’s no big deal, you’re just too sensitive.
Minimises the harm of the betrayal and invalidates your emotional pain.

6 | I lied to protect you and our family.
Tries to justify deceit by pretending that it’s love, leaving you even more confused.

Your instincts, memories and questioning are not signs that you’re too sensitive, over-reacting or making things up. 🔥

You deserve:

✨ Validation.
✨ Accountability.
✨ Respect.

Save this post to remind yourself that gaslighting is emotional abuse. Because you deserve better. 🌹

Rhian xo 🦋

🎁 PS. Get your free Breakthrough Guide from my bio. It’s time to heal.

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16/06/2025

Let’s be clear: gaslighting is NEVER okay. But understanding why your betraying spouse has been using this abusive tactic can help you step out of self-blame and see things more clearly. 🙏

In the context of s*xual betrayal, gaslighting is a defence mechanism. ⛳

Your betraying spouse has been hiding, lying, cheating and deceiving you. He feels guilt and shame as a result of being exposed. 🧐

Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he’s trying to protect himself by controlling your perception of reality. 😖

This is self-preservation, NOT care. ❌

He wants to avoid being accountable and he wants to shut you down so he says:

🥀 “You’re too sensitive.”
🥀 “I never said that.”
🥀 “You’re over-reacting.”
🥀 “You’re making this up.”

You become so confused that you stop trusting yourself. Your instinct, your memory, your sense of what’s real and true are all in question. 🥶

This serves your betraying spouse. But it’s deeply harmful to you. 😡

The gaslighting cannot be allowed to continue, whether you decide to stay or go. You’re not here to be manipulated and made to feel like you’re going insane. 🤷‍♀️ ✨

Save this post to help you remember that gaslighting is NEVER acceptable. 🔥

Rhian xo 🦋

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13/06/2025

You've asked your cheating spouse for full disclosure but he's making excuses, avoiding or downright refusing to tell the truth. 😭

He runs away, instigates an argument or tells you that he's entitled to his 'privacy'. 🤯

Here's why:

1 | Fear Of The Consequences 🥀
Your spouse may believe that when you hear the full details of his infidelity the relationship will end.

2 | Guilt And Shame 🥀
Your spouse may realise that facing what he’s done will require him to sit with his acute guilt and shame.

3 | Control And Power 🥀
By keeping control over the facts, your spouse may feel like he has the upper hand in the situation.

4 | Lack Of Accountability 🥀
Your spouse may be unwilling to take responsibility, preferring to blame you or make excuses for his choices.

✨ Disclosure may be tough for your spouse. But lack of disclosure is harmful to you. ✨

If he wants any chance of repairing your relationship and rebuilding trust he must:

🌹 Stop pretending that secrecy is 'privacy'.
🌹 Be willing to accept that you have the right to choose whether you stay in the relationship.
🌹 Find the courage to sit with his own guilt and shame.
🌹 Stop blaming you and making weak excuses.
🌹 Release control and other harmful relationship behaviours.
🌹 Choose accountability fully and completely.

It’s time to prioritise YOUR healing. You deserve to hear the facts. 🙏

Rhian xo 🦋

Save this post to remind yourself that your need for disclosure is completely reasonable. 🥰

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