03/06/2025
Let’s be honest there’s no better way to truly get to know someone than hearing about the chaotic, unfiltered magic of their childhood.
The Sweet Tooth Scandal 🍬
I’ve always loved gift giving, even as a child. One year, I decided to spend my precious pocket money on a 10p mix of 1p sweets for my little bro Christmas present. Thoughtful, right? Well there was still a month to go before Christmas & those milk bottles, they literally called my name by the time he opened it, he received an 8p mix because I’d eaten two but hey, it’s the thought that counts right! 🙈
The School Gala Fraud 🏊♂️
I was always picked for the school swimming gala because I was fast at front crawl but the real reason I was fast was because I didn’t master how to take a breath, so every year, I’d hold my breath from one end of the pool to the other, praying I didn’t pass out before I touched the wall. Speed driven purely by survival. Not sure how I’m still here to tell the tale!
The Accidental Ring Thief 💍
In the ‘90s, online catalogue shops would giveaway free “gifts with purchase”, aka sparkly treasures to a 10-year-old like me. One day, my mum took me to an ex-catalogue store & I was mesmerised by the bargain bin of rings for 50p. Like a magpie, I picked up so many I couldn’t hold them all. So I popped a couple in my pocket while I decided which to buy. Only I didn’t get to choose, my mum was in a rush and ushered me straight out of the store. I didn’t realise I still had two rings in my pocket until I got home. Mortified, I cried, convinced myself I’d be arrested. So naturally I dug a hole in my mum’s flowerbed and buried them. Mum, if you’re reading this and you found them whilst gardening I’m sorry 🙈
Starstruck by Puppets 🤖
I was obsessed with teen mags, especially Smash Hits. One month, it came with a booklet full of celeb fan mail addresses: think Peter Andre, Eternal & somehow, Zig and Zag the puppets! I sent out letters to basically everyone and the only reply I got was from Zig & Zag! They sent me a signed postcard that said “Hey babe! Thanks for your letter’’ I was over the moon. The postcard took pride of place on my bedroom wall for years!
Continued in comments…