Dr Clair, Haven Road, Poole (2025)

23/03/2025

🎭 Do you feel like Your Self?⁣
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We have all numbed our emotions (chocolate 🍫 and Netflix anyone?!) and put on a mask (saying “I’m fine” when we’re not 🫣) before.⁣
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But when we do that we’re not just avoiding our current discomfort or avoiding facing things in our life. We’re silencing important parts of ourselves that need to be seen, heard, and understood.⁣
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Suppressing or distracting ourselves from what we’re feeling may (subconsciously) feel protective in that moment. But over time, it creates disconnection. Disconnection from others (who can’t ‘reach’ us if we’re not authentic), but also from who we truly are. Over time we end up not feeling ourselves, or even knowing who we truly are.⁣
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True connection requires presence—with our feelings, our needs, and our truth. When we allow ourselves to feel, we create space for deeper intimacy, clarity, and self-trust, whether that’s with others, or within ourselves.
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True authenticity requires us to embrace every part of us, even the tender, messy, vulnerable parts.⁣
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💭 Which feelings or parts of you do you reject, run away from, hide, or numb? ⁣
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20/03/2025

🔥 𝗗𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗰𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽? Stuck repeating the same arguments without feeling truly heard? Or fearing this pattern will destroy your connection or relationship?⁣
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The thing is, conflict isn’t the enemy. It’s a natural part of any relationship—but what matters is how you navigate it.⁣
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💡 Instead of seeing disagreements as signs of failure, see them as 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀 to:⁣
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✅ Understand yourself and your partner better⁣
✅ Discuss deeper emotions and unmet needs⁣
✅ Strengthen your relationship through presence, validation, and repair⁣
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Many conflicts aren’t just about surface issues (like dishes or schedules)—they stem from 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝘀.⁣
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By pausing, getting curious, and listening without defensiveness, you can shift from arguing against each other to working as a team.⁣
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💬 What’s one thing you want to try in your next disagreement to make it more connecting? Comment below! ⬇️⁣
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14/03/2025

✨ Did you know that love is built in small, everyday moments-not grand gestures?⁣
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Bids for connection are the building blocks of trust, love, and intimacy.⁣
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"Bids for Connection" are the tiny but powerful ways your partner reaches out to connect with you. These are requests for attention, affection, or emotional support-and how you respond can make or break the trust and intimacy in your relationship.⁣
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The key to a lasting, emotionally connected relationship is learning to notice and turn toward these bids instead of ignoring or dismissing them.⁣

When we turn toward these moments even if it's just a small acknowledgment like a smile, a⁣
"tell me more," or a gentle touch—we build trust, intimacy, and resilience in the relationship.⁣
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💡Want a healthier, happier relationship? Start by noticing and responding to these bids.⁣
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💬 Which of these bids do you or your partner use most often? Which do you tend to miss?⁣
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👇🏼 Drop it in the comments!⁣
🫶🏼 Tag your partner or a friend who needs to hear this⁣
📍Save this post to revisit when you need to reconnect.⁣

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12/03/2025

🚨 Do you keep having the same fight over and over?

If so, you might be stuck in one of these negative cycles. But here’s the truth: Your partner is NOT the enemy. The real problem? The pattern that keeps pulling you apart.

💡 The good news? You can interrupt the cycle and reconnect. Swipe to learn how.

💬 Drop a ❤️ if this resonates! Or DM me “HEAL” if you’re experiencing this in your relationship and would like more info 🙏🏼

11/03/2025

🌟 Does your relationship reflect what truly matters to you?⁣
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So often, when couples struggle, it’s not just about miscommunication or different personalities—it’s about drifting away from our values that keep love strong and meaningful.⁣
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We get caught in daily stress, conflict, or unmet expectations, and suddenly, we’re not acting in a way that reflects who we truly are.⁣
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➡️ Here’s the truth: When we lose sight of our core relationship values, our actions often stop aligning with what we actually want.⁣
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🌟 Values are the foundation of lasting love. They guide how we treat one another, how we repair after conflict, and how we keep showing up—even when it’s hard.⁣
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If you value kindness, honesty, growth, or playfulness, are those showing up in how you act with your partner?⁣
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Instead of solely focusing on your partner, ask:⁣
👉 “Am I showing up as the partner I want to be?”⁣
👉 “Are my actions aligned with what I truly value in a relationship?”⁣
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❤️ You can’t control every situation, but you can choose how you show up.⁣
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✨ Reflection Questions:⁣
1. What are your top 3 relationship values?⁣
2. Are there ways to live into those values more fully—starting today?⁣
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👉 Drop your top 3 values in the comments! Let’s inspire each other to build more intentional, values-based relationships.⁣
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04/03/2025

🚨Ever feel like your conversations with your partner go in circles, or escalate, leaving both of you frustrated and disconnected? Gottman’s research found that four specific communication patterns—Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling—predict relationship distress, even divorce. But here’s the good news: each one has an antidote that can transform your relationship. 💡

We all slip into these patterns sometimes. Criticism happens when frustration builds, and instead of addressing behavior, we attack character. Defensiveness is our knee-jerk reaction to protect ourselves, but it often escalates conflict instead of resolving it. Contempt—sarcasm, eye-rolling, or name-calling—is actually the strongest predictor of relationship breakdown because it erodes respect and emotional safety. And when things feel overwhelming, Stonewalling kicks in—shutting down emotionally and disengaging completely.

The key to breaking these cycles is self-awareness and small shifts in communication. Instead of criticism, try gentle start-ups: express your needs without blame. Swap defensiveness for taking responsibility, even in small ways. Replace contempt with gratitude and appreciation—actively noticing what your partner does right. And if you find yourself stonewalling, prioritize self-soothing, taking a break to calm your nervous system before returning to the conversation.

A strong relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about handling it in a way that brings you closer instead of driving you apart. 💕 The way you communicate determines the depth of trust, intimacy, and connection in your relationship. The best part? You can start making these changes today.

💬 Have you noticed any of these in your relationship? Which antidote do you want to work on?

28/02/2025

What makes love feel safe?⁣

Every healthy relationship is built on three key elements: Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement (A.R.E.).⁣

When these are present, we feel truly seen, heard, and valued. When they’re missing, emotional disconnection takes over.⁣

Swipe through to learn what A.R.E. looks like in real relationships!⁣
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29/10/2024

Most of us believe that our inner wounds are something we need to deny or conceal. Usually that’s because we don’t understand that these wounds are an understandable result of something that happened to us. We believe instead that they say something about us, our flaws. A sign there’s something wrong with us. So we try to hide our wounds, and in doing so, we lose sight of the wisdom and beauty they offer.⁣
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Our wounds, our deepest hurts, are not scars of shame; they are actually the most beautiful parts of ourselves, yearning for us to know them, to love them.⁣
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To open that doorway is not about embracing or staying stuck in suffering. It’s actually the opposite. It’s to allow healing. Let the light enter, as a gentle embrace, bringing these hidden parts of us back from the shadows, and into the light. In doing so, we discover that our vulnerabilities are intertwined with our strengths.⁣
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In the presence of that light, wounds transform; they are no longer burdens or barriers, but openings to embody profound self-compassion, resilience, and the beauty of authenticity. It is here, at this intersection of hurt and healing, that we reclaim our wholeness, revealing the parts of us that were always beautiful, always worthy, waiting to be seen and loved.⁣

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25/10/2024

Most of the time attachment trauma starts in childhood.

Those experiences we had in the relationship with one or both parents, that impacted us in ways we couldn't understand at the time.

We thought they were about us - our worth, our importance, our belonging, our lovability.

We couldn't understand at the time that they were never about these things.

The emotions these created, we often had to manage on our own. In isolation. By ourselves. We didn't feel seen, heard, understood, or comforted in our experiences.

So we carried the pain of those experiences, along with the beliefs they created. And we subconsciously tried to manage as best we could - through trying different ways to protect ourselves.

The route to healing is through safe and loving connection. With our Self and with others.

This isn't always easy to do on our own, without guidance and support. That's where therapy (or other forms of structured support) comes in. To show us the way. Alongside a compassionate other who knows the path and can hold space for us, beside us.

It is through these corrective experiences that we can truly heal and grow - releasing the pain, shifting the protective strategies we use, and reclaiming the parts of us that were lost. Namely, our sense of self worth, our sense of belonging, our sense of being loved.

Dr Clair

23/03/2025

20/03/2025

14/03/2025

12/03/2025

11/03/2025

04/03/2025

28/02/2025

29/10/2024

25/10/2024

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