
02/09/2025
✨From Disconnection to Connection through Birth
✨My first birthing experience was so traumatic that I remember looking in the mirror after my daughter’s birth and I genuinely didn’t recognise myself in the reflection. I was so detached from my body, that I was touching my own skin, to see if I could feel it, to make sure it was me, that I was seeing in the mirror.
✨My daughter carries the imprint of her birth too - a forceps delivery, heading straight to surgery for a 9 hour operation at birth and then being ventilated in ICU for a week - where no one held her the entire time. I didn’t know I was “allowed” to and I didn’t ask. 😢
✨ It’s taken me a very long time to realise, understand and ultimately accept (I’m almost there), that this birth didn’t happen to me, it was generated from me. Beyond the necessary lifesaving operation for my daughter - Yes, I experienced coercion, gaslighting and was mistreated…. And what is also true, is that the disconnect already lived within me. I could not use my voice. I already had embodied ruptured boundaries. This birth met me where I was at, as painful as it is to say that. My work has been to take responsibility for my experience, without blame, guilt or shame.
✨And I did. I dug deep and did so much internal work…moving through many layers. By the time I had my third daughter I experienced an uninterrupted and healing birth. I used my voice, had solid boundaries and trusted myself and my body deeply.
✨This pregnancy – something has shifted. I’m being asked not to have a certain type of birth/ take back my power - thats been done….but instead, to go back and heal what was broken. To meet the gripping and protection that I still hold. To move through the next layer and to really allow myself to be held and supported. This time I being asked to let LIFE in: surrender, let go and trust.
Love Brenda ❤️x