01/03/2026
I do hope this is true, it certainly makes sense.
Did you witness the death of a loved one that traumatized you?
There’s something we don’t talk about enough, the moments when a loved one’s passing didn’t look peaceful. Some of you witnessed things that were frightening or confusing: wide eyes, stiffening, a sound that resembled crying, or an expression that looked like fear. These moments stay with you because they look emotional, and they can be deeply traumatic.
I want to offer something reassuring from both research and from over ten years of grief work:
Sometimes the body does things at the very end that don’t reflect what the soul is experiencing.
When someone is actively dying, especially when they’re unconscious or heavily medicated, the parts of the brain that create emotion or fear are usually already shutting down. What we often interpret as distress can actually be automatic reflexes from the brainstem. They can look intense, but they don’t necessarily mean the person was aware or afraid.
That doesn’t disregard what you saw.
It simply means their inner experience may have been very different from what their body showed.
And I want to share something from the spiritual side, something I’ve learned again and again:
Leaving this world is a lot like entering it.
Think about birth.
It can be scary, overwhelming, unpredictable. The body does things you can’t control. It can be painful, exhausting, even traumatic. But once it’s over, a mother doesnt spend her life dwelling on the moment she gave birth. Neither does your loved one dwell on their return to the other side. It was just a doorway, a tiny blip in a short moment of their time on earth, compared to the life they lived or what followed immediately.
Death is the same as birth in many ways.
From the outside, it can look intense or frightening. But for the spirit, it’s simply another doorway. Even if there were moments of struggle or discomfort before they passed, those moments were so short compared to the fullness of their existence.
Just like we don’t remember the chaos of entering this world, they don’t dwell on the moment they left it.
Every message I’ve ever heard described from the other side says the same thing:
their death is not something they carry with them.
It isn’t important to them.
It isn’t defining.
It isn’t something they replay or feel distressed about.
What they hold onto is love.
What they feel is connection.
What matters to them is that you remember them, talk to them, and keep the bond alive.
And I want to add this:
Even if there was a little pain, or difficulty breathing, or a moment that looked stressful at the very end, please rest assured that the instant their soul stepped out of the body, every bit of fear, pain, and struggle fell away. It wasn’t something they carried with them. It wasn’t something they even cared about once they were free of the body.
And here is something important to remember:
If the roles were reversed, if you were the one passing, would you want your loved ones to hold onto that moment and be devastated by it? Of course not. You would want them to remember your life, your love, your laughter… not the final seconds of your body letting go. Your loved one feels the same. They don’t want you suffering over something that means nothing to them now. They want you to heal. They want you to breathe again. They want you to remember the love, not the moment their body released them.
If you witnessed something difficult, please remember,
Your trauma came from what you saw, not necessarily from what they felt.
Their experience may have been far softer, far more peaceful than it appeared.
And the love you still send them, that’s what is important to them.
That’s what matters.
That’s what keeps them close and at peace. 💗💫 - ©️Rita Delmasto Talamo,
Proof of Life After Death.
