Skylight Healing Room

01/01/2025

Happy New Year with much healing bringing fun and joy of life 🌞🤩💃🏻✨🥰🎁💕

07/08/2024

I believe that ​self-sabotage does not exist, it is merely a safety process that is not​ yet updated. ​

Sabotage comes from the French term saboter - to kick with sabots (heavy wooden/leather clogs) and it means to wilfully destroy. I just do not share this idea. ​We do NOT, ever, sabotage ourselves​ in this way.

That's why I don't believe the saying that "we are own own worst enemy". T​o me, this idea is self-shaming and hints towards ​a fragmented self, a bad story we tell to ourselves when others are not there to tell it to us.

​What I believe, is that I we are actually geniuses in formulating our own self-protection​, to the best that we can, at the time that is needed, and to the way our personality is inclined to react in self-defence or in the context of the dynamic that our family of origin (or event) dictated. Some of us picked fights to get attention, because even negative attention is better than nothing; some of us made ourselves small, almost invisible, "where we were put that's where we stayed" for fear of punishment, so freeze response worked best. Some dissociated to survive. Some run away, played outside all day long or even found solace in books and school, to flee the reality of an unsafe, chaotic home. Some played the part of good boy or good girl to please and appease because fawning got us to safety and pre-emptied a bad mood of one or both of our parents. We continued these mechanisms when we face conflict later in life because they are so well practiced and they did keep us safe in the past.

The problems start when what used to work in dangerous situations, does not serve us in times of safety. You know, any software needs updating against new viruses​. If we never experienced ​safety, love, respect, open communication, physical affection, kindness, generosity​ in our formative years​, in our adult lives, the brain ​may see ​these elements in a relationship as foreign, ​dangerous viruses that must ​be stopped.
​As modern days research shows​, our brain matures well into our early 20's, ​"formative years​" all of a sudden is not just early childhood, but ​​until we are​ about 25.​ ​T​hen, we ​continue beyond 25 to practice more of what we know, and the brain gets stronger in those types of neuro-networks and the cycle gets reinforced.

If in the beginning we had others who did things to us (consciously or unconsciously), as we grow, we tend to want to stay loyal to those programs and our primary caregivers, and we take those roles upon ourselves in their absence in adolescence and young years, because that's how the original programming is running.

Yes the brain is a complex machine, but in fact, instructions are really simple: what you put in is what the command obeys.

I see so many people asking themselves why am I doing this to myself? I know it's wrong, why can't I do better?

Of course they can do better, but is dangerous. There are situations (like domestic violence) that the danger of change is real, and in others, the danger is perceived. Ultimately, without updates, the brain knows no difference.

People who experience domestic violence and/or emotional abuse always need a plan, logistics to be put in place to assure real safety before they can attempt any further kind of healing. A new, safe environment is a solid foundation from where healing can occur.

For those who are prisoners of their own minds and have the resources and the safe environment, the plan to break free of their own prison is done in therapy.

​I believe that the fight with former versions of ourselves is real, but that we are not at all enemies, just friends that haven't openly communicated yet, to figure out they are in fact on the same page.

When we make friends with younger versions of ourselves from a place of higher wisdom, compassion, empathy, love, we integrate the message that it's ok to upgrade our system with new beliefs, new mechanisms of growth and protection. As adults we have the kind of discernment we never had as children.

I see people achieving more profound results in lowering anxiety, reducing depression and breaking through limiting beliefs while rising self esteem, self confidence, and re-writing their life story, when they are supported in therapy to communicate with younger parts of themselves, either through Inner Child work or even connection with the version of them yesterday. Because the comparison is not with others, it is always with the un-integrated versions of ourselves.

06/08/2024

In any stage of healing, accurately evaluating the situation and gently acknowledging where you are in life, bring in the possibility of opening up to receiving support if help is needed. No problem can be solved if it is not identified. And no healing can occur as long as one is not safe and basic life needs are not fulfilled. To me, context is paramount because it dictates timing.

In the past I made many mistakes to push for healing when healing wasn't possible. I learned through harsh lessons to allow things to unfold. And meanwhile hone my skills, tend to my soul, and be ready. Even now, well into many years of healing from complex trauma, I find myself occasionally blasting "​I thought ​I'd know better by now!" but actually, I notice how each layer peels off precisely when I have the necessary resources to address that wound, the necessary support network gathered around me and the necessary time to deal with what needs integrating.

Timing to stay and timing to grow new muscles. Timing to germinate and timing to shot new leaves and open new buds!

I will celebrate later in the year 10 years of owning my holistic clinic. As a Left Angle Cross of Uncertainty in Human Design, my answer to uncertainty, is revealed in time. 10 years have proven to me that I made the right choice when I did, and that what I do now, not only fills my soul, but brings so much healing to people who seek answers to their own questions. My capacity to connect deeply on an emotional level and facilitate positive change through showing what is possible is one of my greatest gifts in my personal relationships, in clinic and as I move through the world.

I wish that my post will gently inspire you to self enquiry: Where am I in life? What do I need to blossom? What would get me to the next stage? Where am I and where would I want to be? How big is that gap if there is any, and how do I bridge it? Who is the best person to connect with, in order to make it happen?

05/08/2024

If you think you are letting yourself down, please stay open to the possibility that you are just keeping yourself safe from the danger of the unknown.

And by getting used to stay in a situation that causes you pain and suffering, you are just in a state of freeze, because fighting is dangerous, fleeing is not an option, and fawning only works temporarily, it never changes anything, just lowers your self esteem with every bit that you compromise on and try harder for the other to end up not trying at all.

Ask yourself with gentle curiosity: what are the benefits of staying the way I am? What is the familiarity in the situation? To whom am I being loyal? Am I ready to receive support? Am I ready to face what needs integrating? Do I want this? Do I believe that I deserve healing? Do I believe that I deserve love? Am I ready to do the inner work to change my beliefs? Can I continue to compromise? Have I had enough of this situation? Can I afford to prioritise money to work with someone? What free resources can I access? Do I know where to start? What are my spiritual beliefs? What are my values in life that can guide me? What would the person wanting to help me need to know? Who would be the best therapist for me? And ultimately, am I ready to step into courage to find out what can be better than this?

You can identify where the problem lies: safety, timing, resources, willingness, deserving, loyalty to caregivers/ancestors even, lack of know-how, physical health and take one step at a time. Put your hand on your heart and in quiet and stillness, ask yourself difficult questions. The answers and clarity will come

18/06/2024

I am so very grateful to each of you who participated in my research about how empathy, emotion regulation, and social perspective-taking influence social competence skills! THANK YOU

16/05/2024

All my lovely FB fam, please help!

23/01/2024

HUMAN DESIGN FOUNDATION CHART READING OFFER! 🌞🫶✨💕🤩🥳

Yesterday, the 22nd of January 2024, we entered Human Design Rave New Year with Gate 41 activated in the Root Centre. 🌱

Gate 41 is the gate of feeling a pressure to seek new experiences with focus on honouring our hopes and dreams. 🌞💕✨
This gate starts in the Root Centre, goes through Solar Plexus all the way to the Throat centre where it manifests. So from wanting to seek new experiences and connect with others, through filtering how we feel about that - some of us may know some may not know what we want, but then we do, we can go with the flow into making it a reality! 💥💜💫

Gate 41 starts the true new Solar cycle and is in transit for a few days, activating us all on a planetary level, like a trampoline into manifestation and new energy!! 🥰

Harness this focused energy to jumpstart your desires until the 27th of January 🥰

If you don't know your Human Design yet, get in touch with me for your half price Foundation Chart and benefit of my amazing offer for a few days only!!!

Half price on Foundation Human Design Charts!

06/01/2024

Happy New Year blessings to you all

Good Morning 🌞

20/12/2023

Pluto is returning to Aquarius in 2024, to stay until 2043. These particular denominations of generations are approximate, up for debate according to decades but here we focus on the Pluto aspect.
Pluto is all about death, birth and transformation. BOOM. Small and mighty. The planet of ultimate survival, pointing to what needs destroying and creating, and alchemising that which does not serve anymore.
January 2024 will shake things up and bring a new mental, creative aspect to transformation. Depending on where your Pluto is in your natal chart, will influence the domain that requires most of your attention.
Either way, we will feel it, which will be gentler to embrace than resist.

A little bit of Pluto fun. (if you can call Pluto fun)

The generation dates are not strict, there's always some overlap, and, for instance early and late baby boomers, generations run into each other, etc. You can easily find more information on the web regarding this, plenty of articles with details on what was happening during each generation as it relates to Pluto.

I'm a lateish baby boomer. Definitely a generation that enjoyed an abundant economy, and which had to learn to serve community - lots of self-focus, environment be damned, etc. Not all of course, there were many pioneers in that generation who valued service, the planet, community, etc..

What generation are You? xoxo

05/12/2023

Remember that if you need anything from Tropic Skin Care, I can help with advice on what to get for what needs and placing your orders if you already know. Feel free to shop through my on-line shop, you're still in time to order so you can receive your items before Christmas!

Tropic Skincare

24/09/2023

One can't save the world but they can save the world for one individual at a time..

This is so beautifully written.