20/03/2026
Lose the But.
A tip from my behaviour training.
When we say "but" after a positive, we erase it.
Try "AND" instead and watch how much more your child actually hears you.
When you say
"yes that's a lovely picture but we need to tidy up"
the but quietly erases everything before it.
Your child doesn't walk away feeling seen for the picture, they walk away hearing the negative.
Over time they stop trusting the positive part because they've learned the but is always coming.
Some examples from areas I help with.
Toileting
"You did so well to get to the toilet in time and next time we'll leave a little earlier."
"You told me you needed to go and that is such a big step, we'll keep practicing together."
Behaviour
"You worked really hard on that drawing and it's time to pack away now."
"You sat so nicely at the start of dinner and we need to stay at the table until everyone's finished."
Sleep
"You had such a big fun day and that's exactly why your body needs a good sleep tonight."
"You called out for me and I hear you, and now it's time to rest."
Swapping it for AND keeps both things true at the same time.
The praise lands.
The direction still gets heard.
They are more likely to actually listen, feel less criticised and open up to you more.
This one small word swap has changed things for my families.
This week, notice how many times a "but" sneaks into your sentences and swap it out.
You might surprise yourself 👀
