10/04/2024
Dr Kathryn Mannix spent her medical career working with people who have incurable, advanced illnesses. Starting in cancer care and changing career to become a pioneer of the new discipline of palliative medicine, she has worked as a palliative care consultant in teams in hospices, hospitals and in patients’ own homes, optimising quality of life even as death is approaching. She is passionate about public education, and having qualified as a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist in 1993, she started the UK’s (possibly the world’s) first CBT clinic exclusively for palliative care patients, and devised ‘CBT First Aid’ training to enable palliative care colleagues to add new skills to their repertoire for helping patients.
Using her experience as a physician, psychotherapist, trainer and service lead, Kathryn presents stories that illustrate how we can better understand and prepare for death (our own or somebody else’s) in her bestseller ‘With The End In Mind,’ and then leads us through the art of Tender Conversations in her latest book, ‘Listen.’
.
What do we need to know now, to protect the wishes of our loved ones at the end of their lives?
Before you start, remember this conversation is theirs as much as yours:
- invite, don't compel.
- give them options about when to have this conversation, where to have it, how long to give it
-have a plan for after the chat: cuppa, favourite TV show, walk, hobby etc
⭐️Today's question is 'Who are the people you most want around you at the end of your life, if they can be there?'
We want to support you, yet not overwhelm you. It's also important that everyone understands how much company is enough for you, and how much is too much. Please help us to get the balance right for you.
⭐️How much companionship do you want? A room filled with dear people, or peace and quiet with people checking in from time to time?
Some of us are better known by our close friends than by family members, yet friends often keep away to make space for family. This is something worth talking through in advance.
⭐️Do you have wishes about access to people outside your family for support?
Who are your important friends? How can they be contacted?
Do you want them to visit, or just to be kept informed?
Some of us have responsibilities or arrangements that other people rely on, that our friends or family may not be aware of.
⭐️Who is relying on you?
Do you have dependents? Pets? Someone you regularly support with visits, letters or phone calls?
How should this be managed if you become too unwell, temporarily or permanently, to maintain those tasks?
⭐️How do you feel about your companions keeping other people up to date, for example via a WhatsApp group or one of the websites that helps share messages like ?
⭐️It's important to help your dearest people understand that you value them, and yet you may also need time to rest, time to think, or simply to relish time to yourself. Sometimes it's helpful to choose someone to be your 'personal assistant.' Give that person the job of telling others when to visit and when to leave you in peace.
What have you found helpful in organising visits, support, and enough rest time?