27/08/2025
Mothers' traumas from pregnancy to birth and beyond
Women's birthing and mothering stories are vitally important to share and often necessary to make sense of and heal from the experiences. Postnatal PTSD and birth traumas can be caused by traumatic experiences in the perinatal, during or postnatal stage.
Being unable to feed or hold one's baby because mum is so exhausted with nobody there to support her, in a busy operating theatre or ward, can have lasting impacts on the relationship between her and the baby.
Having a baby whisked away and not being allowed to hold them because of a complication that needed attention can feel okayish at the time because staying alive is important; however, that is a loss for both mum and baby.
These are just a couple of examples from a world full of thousands and thousands of women's stories.
Women often blame themselves for not being able to manage better; blame themselves for feeling sad, angry and helpless, and so numbed, dissociated in order to continue to function. Having a baby is primal for a mother, and when this 'mother bear' is struggling, she feels it is her fault.
For all mother bears who want to explore healing their body, mind, and emotions and are unsure where to start, I can help you.
Mothers' traumas from pregnancy to birth and beyond, into the fourth and fifth trimesters, come in many shapes and sizes. I have the honour of working with many women who feel like they have failed and are not good mothers because they were in severe depression and struggling. Some are so distressed because they believe they have caused irreparable damage. They hold in their bodies the trauma of the birth, the loss of the relationship with their baby and the anxiety of what the hell to do about it. Healing the trauma from pregnancy to birth and beyond needs time.
As Diana Lanberg says,
"Healing Trauma takes: talking, Tears and Time"
Jini was so looking forward to the birth of her daughter, and after thirty-six hours in labour, an epidural, changing of nurses on shift, charges of Doctor, forceps delivery, a vast perineum tear being stitched up by another doctor and finally with her baby in her arms. However, unable to feed her because she had no strength, she began to fall into a depression that grew over time as she became aware of the precious life she was responsible for. Jini pictured her daughter in her mind and developed a lovely relationship in utero. Once she came, however, the relationship changed, and Jini lost all her self-confidence.
When this happens, it can be difficult for the mother to make sense of, understand, and consider what she needs to repair what has been lost or gone underground. In Jinis's case, this is what happened, and eight years later, when she could no longer bear the internal suffering, she was ready to tell her story of pregnancy, birth and beyond and rewrite it to a tale of hope and empowerment.
The causes of Postpartum Depression can be,
* Stress
* Having a very long and difficult labour and a complicated delivery
* The Doctor prompted a sudden caesarean section
* An accident whilst pregnant
* Childhood trauma
* Difficult time in pregnancy
* trauma birthing experience
* Having OCD or bipolar disorders, among other causes
* Having to return to work without any maternity leave
* Having to give up your child for numerous reasons
A woman's wisdom is her body.
The body holds the Score, as Bessel Van Der Kolk teaches, and so it is essential to attend to the body as part of therapy, which we do together by attending to the mind-body connection. Through a co-creative and relational therapeutic relationship, we can explore your story and address the traumatic impact and meaning you are making of it today, slowly, safely, and begin to heal and move forward.
The loss of bonding needs to be acknowledged that this time was taken from you through no fault of your own; it is important to begin to embody this knowing because you did not have any control over the hormonal changes in your body that caused the anxiety, depression and low mood.
When the bonding hormone oxytocin is not transmitted between baby and mother, this is a profound loss. When it was transmitted, but mum or baby had to be separated, this is a profound loss. When any mother loses their child, this is a profound loss.
Feeling blamed and criticised, perhaps by others and most certainly by oneself, can bring on feelings of guilt or shame. These can be very challenging to deal with alone; in fact, women should not have to deal with them alone, because what often happens is that they bury their feelings and, like Jini, years later realise when feeling unwell.
Oftentimes, childhood trauma teaches girls that they can be seen but not heard. They learn from their own mothers that their feelings are not important and that it is better not to speak and complain about feeling scared, alone, and unsure. Instead, they decide to be strong and not need anything or anyone. The problem with this is that when they become mothers themselves, they need help, support, care, love, and many do not even register that this is a basic need they deserve. Developmental traumas develop through our needs not being met, and these can be triggered during the pregnancy to birth and beyond period.
It is not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you.
If you are ready to share your story, to heal and transform your mothering trauma, contact me: Karen@karenwoodley.com
