20/01/2026
When I say I remember EXACTLY how I felt that day, it is like I am still sitting there! I felt so low in myself but I also knew I was doing it to myself!
I wanted to stop doing what I was doing, I had gained 30kg but I just couldn’t help myself! I was exhausted from mentally trying and every day I thought I’d be “better”!
But the strict rules I had set myself, eat less, move way more, starve myself! I thought then I don’t deserve to lose weight and something was wrong with me.
It was April 2020 and we had been in lockdown in Qatar for over a month. I looked out the window that day crying as I had eaten loads of gluten and dairy, both at which I am intolerant and allergic to and I asked myself when was enough?
I felt so sad for what I was doing to my body, hating it every day and I knew that if I didn’t get help, I was going to continue on this path and it scared me what my health would look like 1 year down the line, 5 years down the line being the unthinkable.
Words will never describe how much I hated myself at that point in my life.
I ran for punishment, pushing myself past times every week and would gorge on food if I didn’t because I felt so worthless.
Going to the gym because I compared myself to EVERYONE around me who appeared to be wayyyy smaller no matter who they were.
I envied everyone and again hated on myself for not being disciplined enough!
Oh how I soon learned that all of this was why!
Investing in a coach and a number of coaches in the past 6 years will always be the best money spent and also the best sacrifice of things I have and will ever do!
I couldn’t hate myself int loving myself! Paul Dermody saved me that day and now as I am coaching again, I am now able to put that learned experience into practice with clients.
I now vow to help women come out of feeling like this and if I can help 1 person then I am so grateful.
To know now I have coached 100s of women and helped educate women on their relationship with themselves, with food and with movement, literally fills my soul!
A post and thoughts I have never shared, but thoughts I hope someone reading can KNOW it can change 💜💜