Soul Midwife Isle of Wight

22/06/2022

- Quand je serai vieille…

"Quand je serai vieille, je ne veux pas qu’on m ‘appelle « ma p'tite dame » ou « ma jolie ». Je veux être respectée et conserver mon identité jusqu’à la fin. Je ne veux pas qu’on me retourne dans tous les sens sans même me prévenir pendant les soins. Je veux qu’on me touche avec douceur et qu’on m’explique ce qu’on me fait.
Je ne veux pas qu’on me juge et qu’on dise de moi que je suis difficile ou compliquée. Je veux qu’on me traite avec bienveillance et qu’on accepte que je ne sois pas toujours de bonne composition.
Quand je serai vieille, je ne veux pas dormir dans des draps d’hôpital, je veux mon linge de lit. Je ne veux pas être lavée au gant jetable, je veux mes affaires de toilette. Je ne veux pas qu’on me serve mes repas dans des barquettes en plastique, je veux une jolie vaisselle comme à la maison.
Quand je serai vieille, je ne veux pas d’une couche, je veux une protection. Je ne veux pas d’un bavoir, je veux une grande serviette. Je ne veux pas d’un verre canard, je veux un verre ergonomique.
Quand je serai vieille, je ne veux pas qu’on parle devant moi comme si je n’étais pas là. Je veux pouvoir discuter avec ceux qui s’occuperont de moi. Je ne veux pas qu’on s’empare de mon fauteuil sans me prévenir pour m’embarquer à toute vitesse à l’autre bout du couloir.
Je veux qu’on m’annonce qu’on va changer de pièce et qu’on chemine à un rythme qui ne me donne pas le vertige. Je ne veux pas qu’on me dise de faire dans ma protection sous prétexte que je suis trop longue à installer aux toilettes. Je veux que mes besoins élémentaires soient respectés et ma dignité conservée.
Quand je serai vieille, je marcherai moins bien, j’entendrai moins bien, je comprendrai moins bien. Mais je serai toujours capable d’aimer telle ou telle personne, d’avoir envie de tel ou tel menu, d’avoir peur de tel ou tel événement.
Quand je serai vieille, je veux juste qu’on ne m’enlève pas le droit d’être moi.
Mais je voudrais surtout et cela bien avant que je sois vieille, que ces chouettes filles aides soignantes, infirmières ......et tout et tout obtiennent enfin une fois de l'aide, de la reconnaissance…!!"

21/05/2022

05/05/2022

just as it should be , I remember going to my grandfather's house , as he was laid up on the bed after he died and seeing him and then being in the house that was also full of people , coming and going . It normalised death for me as a young child and we have sadly lost that

15/04/2022

I have used Spikenard very successfully with end of life friends - it brought great calm and acceptance and made for an easier death

Myrrh, sandalwood, and spikenard are part of a small range of essential oils being used for the psycho-spiritual care of the dying, in the revival of an ancient healing art.

24/01/2022

This maybe a tough topic for some so please go gently ⚠️ I know so many people will have experienced this.

How a persons breathing changes as they die can be hard to hear and witness. As the body shuts down, our breathing can be variable and ever changing 🦋

Have you heard of the ‘death rattle’ or ‘cheyne-stoking’? When a person is actively dying, breathing can be any of the following…..

It can be loud.
It can be laboured.
It can seem like an effort.
It can sound chesty.
There may be coughing.
It may sound like grunting or groaning.
It may go quiet.
It may be shallow.
There may be periods of apnoea (pauses between breathes)
It may sound like gurgling.
It may seem rapid and quick.
It may come from the belly rather than the chest.
There maybe no changes at all.

It’s worth knowing that ALL these things are ‘normal’ and are part of the mechanical process of the body dying 🦋

The changes in breathing may be noticeable for a few days or a few hours or maybe the last few minutes 🦋

All of the above are more often than not, harder for us to see and hear than they are for the soul to experience 🙏🏼

There are medications that can help with any ‘audible secretions’ (chesty/bubbly sounds) and there may be therapeutic techniques to help ease and soothe a soul through these changes. Maybe changing position, sitting up or lying to the side. Maybe opening a windows allowing for fresh air and a breeze for example.

But as with every other stage of the dying process, the most effective supportive thing we can try to do is simply be present and surround our loved ones with love, comfort and support 🦋 At this point in their journey, all they need is LOVE ❤️

11/11/2021

When I introduce myself to a patient as a palliative care doctor, the question that often follows is: “Am I dying?”

I guess in one sense we’re all dying. In this case, though, the question implies an immediacy. Yet, working in palliative care involves surprisingly little immediate dying.

Yes, we work with people who have incurable illnesses, but their prognoses vary between weeks, months and even years. And we see other patients potentially being cured but who experience significant side effects from treatment.

Our team works in clinics, in the hospital, out in the community, at the chemotherapy centre, and in our palliative care or hospice units.

Here is a snapshot of the conversations I have in a working day, and they involve discussions of life far more than they do death: https://loom.ly/5fqDYIo

22/07/2021

This is so true

One of the great tragedies of modern life is that we live in a culture of death denial. The advertising industry tells us we are forever young, and we retire elders away to care homes, out of sight and mind. As a Western culture, we’ve lost the connection with our mortality our forebears had, when dancing skeletons decorated medieval church walls and people wore skull brooch memento mori (Latin for ‘remember you must die’) as a reminder that death could take them at any moment.

We are constantly dying.

The proximity of death propelled our ancestors to live with a radical aliveness that we can hardly imagine in our tech-saturated sedentary present, as we check our phones an average of 110 times daily and spend around 10 hours each day staring at a screen.

During research for my new book, Carpe Diem: Seizing the Day in a Distracted World, I found that over the centuries, humans conceived of six major ‘death teasers,’ imaginative thought experiments, that remind us of our mortality and inspire us to seize the precious moments of our existence.

Find out what they are here: https://loom.ly/6xc_G0Q

02/05/2021

Profoundly moving , so wonderful to see the support from family and friends - they also fulfil the role of soul midwives

20/03/2021

A beautiful tribute and memory : nesting boxes made by a 5 year old who has just lost his best friend 💔. To help him with his grief and also to see new life this spring ...

17/07/2020

A lot of people do not understand this term 🤔 Palliative Care is all about supporting a person through an illness when that illness can not be cured. This can be a year of a persons life. It means that person should be holistically supported and cared for 🦋 It means that they should be surrounded in a ‘cloak’ of love, compassion and support ❤️ That cloak should be one that suits and fits them in the way they want. That cloak should be personal and unique to them 🙏🏼 Soul Midwives are a huge support in Palliative Care 🙏🏼❤️