Inger Madsen: Helping families be happy again

Inger Madsen: Helping families be happy again Parenting an Anxious Teen:
Go from stress to strength in 6 months and build the resilient and supportive family you dream of.

I'm Inger and I help families be happy again. I do this by working with children and teenagers who are anxious or angry and whose parents have become afraid that this is more than just a phase or a normal part of childhood and growing up. Very often they've already tried to find help but without success. Through working with the child I help parents get their happy, well-adjusted child and their peace of mind back.

Feeling stuck with your struggling teenager? If you are tired of well-meaning advice that just doesn't work or of servic...
21/08/2025

Feeling stuck with your struggling teenager?
If you are tired of well-meaning advice that just doesn't work or of services that don't "get" your child... or of walking on eggshells while your teen pulls away...
You're not alone.

My FREE WayForward Consultation gives you:
✨ Clarity on the best path forward for your family
✨ A compassionate, judgement-free space to share your story
✨ Hope that real solutions exist
✨ Peace of mind about your next steps

Ready to find your way forward? https://calendly.com/ingermadsen/wayforward

They say as a therapist, you’re your own first client. And I can tell you - that first client of mine? She was a lot.She...
19/08/2025

They say as a therapist, you’re your own first client. And I can tell you - that first client of mine? She was a lot.

She couldn’t sleep when her child was sad. She’d jump in, fix it, soften it, rescue it... anything but let them struggle. Because their pain felt unbearable.

Why? Because my nervous system was hardwired for it. I'd created secure attachment for them and I believed my job was to attune, soothe, protect at all costs.
And then came adolescence.

And suddenly, the job changed - but no one told my protector parts. They were terrified: What if my child suffered like I did? What if I failed them like I was failed?

So when their pain showed up, so did mine. And before I knew it, I wasn’t parenting. I was over-functioning. Gripping. Guilt-ridden. Reacting.

And guess who I was talking to? Not my actual teenager. But their protector parts. Aggressive. Avoidant. Despairing. Round and round we went…

It was like When Harry Met Sally only this time, it was When My Protector Met Theirs… and let’s just say, no one was having what she was having.

Until I learnt the truth:
IFS (Internal Family Systems) taught me that we all have parts — protective inner responses we developed in childhood to shield us from pain. They’re not bad. They’re just scared. And they take over when we feel threatened.

In me? That looked like perfectionism. Fixing. Over-caring. In my teen? It looked like shutdown, aggression, or total despair.

It wasn’t parent and child anymore. It was part to part.

So I had to do the work of unblending from mine. To soothe my nervous system first. To lead from my grounded Self.

What does that look like?
- Pausing instead of reacting
- Asking: “Is this my wise Self or a scared part?”
- Leading with calm, curiosity and compassion

Here’s the truth: You can’t co-regulate with your child if you’re dysregulated by your own protector parts.

That’s what I teach inside Parent Like a Leader: Raise the Future. Because to help your child grow up, you have to stop parenting from the parts of you that didn’t. But if this post struck a chord and you want to talk through your specific family dynamic, let’s begin there.
You can book a free WayForward Consultation and we’ll explore what’s happening beneath the surface — and what’s possible beyond the power struggles.
👉 Book your free consultation here: https://calendly.com/ingermadsen/wayforward

05/08/2025

I remember a mum telling me: “My daughter came in 45 minutes past curfew. I stayed calm and said, ‘Where have you been?’ And she EXPLODED. Accused me of not trusting her. Said she was done talking. Slammed the door.”
Sound familiar?

I hope this video helps you realise that you aren't talking to your teen - you're talking to their PROTECTOR part.

IFS changed everything for me — and it will for you too. Learn to lead, not battle. Book a (free) WayForward Consultation today. https://calendly.com/ingermadsen/wayforward

“You’re actually not talking to your teenager anymore.”That realisation changed everything for me.I remember a mum telli...
28/07/2025

“You’re actually not talking to your teenager anymore.”
That realisation changed everything for me.

I remember a mum telling me: “My daughter came in 45 minutes past curfew. I stayed calm and said, ‘Where have you been?’ And she EXPLODED. Accused me of not trusting her. Said she was done talking. Slammed the door.”

Sound familiar?

What we need to realise as parents is this:
You’re not talking to your teenager anymore. You’re talking to a protector part.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), these are the parts of us that show up when we feel threatened - to protect us from shame, fear, failure.

When your child hears “Where have you been?”, they feel “I’m bad. I’ve failed. I’m not safe.”
Boom - protector part steps in. Maybe it’s sarcasm. Maybe it’s angry deflection. Maybe it’s that sad little ‘poor me’ voice.

And suddenly, the conversation you thought you were having? Gone. Obscured. Replaced by a battle with a part.

If you match their energy, push harder, or try to reason with the part - you’ll get nowhere.
What works? Staying anchored in your own calm, curious Self. Speaking around the protector. Holding space until your real teen - the one who still wants connection - can return.

This is one of the most powerful shifts I teach inside my course, Parent Like a Leader: Raise the Future.

Because parenting a teenager isn’t about fighting harder - it’s about leading wiser.
Book a (free) WayForward Consultation and let’s talk: https://calendly.com/ingermadsen/wayforward

21/07/2025

They say as a therapist, you’re your own first client.
Well, I was.
Many years ago, I watched my children enter adolescence - and everything I thought I knew about parenting fell apart.
There were slammed doors, refusals, rudeness. And inside me? Sadness. Fear. Anger. Guilt.
I kept asking myself: “Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?”
I thought parenting meant smoothing it all over. I thought rescuing was love. If they were in pain, I took it as proof I had failed.
But here’s what I learnt:
Our teenagers don’t need rescuing. They need leadership.
They need us to stay calm when they can’t. To hold boundaries without shutting down connection. To lead with love - not fear.
It took work. Deep work. I became my own emotional detective. And eventually, I stopped repeating what I’d inherited.
Now that’s what I help other parents do, in my 121 work and through my course Parent Like a Leader: Raise the Future.
Because if you’re walking on eggshells, or stuck in cycles of guilt, reactivity, or disconnection - it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means it’s time to lead differently.
Book a (free) WayForward Consultation and let’s talk.
https://calendly.com/ingermadsen/wayforward

15/07/2025

They say as a therapist, you’re your own first client. And I was. I tried to love the pain out of my teenagers. Spoiler: it didn’t work. What they really needed? A parent who could lead. If your family is drowning in drama, it’s not too late to lead differently. Book a (free) WayForward Consultation today.
https://calendly.com/ingermadsen/wayforward

26/06/2025

Ever felt panicky just watching your teen spiral?

Anxiety isn’t just in the mind, it lives in the body too.

So when your child starts to unravel, it can hit something raw in you. That tight-chest, out-of-control feeling. The helplessness. The urge to rescue.

But what they need isn’t rescuing.

They need you to lead.

In my upcoming masterclass, Parenting an Anxious Teenager: From Stress to Strength, we’ll talk about how to regulate yourself so you can help them navigate the storm - without getting pulled under.

Tuesday 1st July, 18.30 BST

Let’s take the fear out of it - for both of you.

Earlier this month, I held two free online masterclasses and supported almost 50 parents who are navigating the often-ov...
26/06/2025

Earlier this month, I held two free online masterclasses and supported almost 50 parents who are navigating the often-overwhelming world of teenage emotions.

The feedback was incredibly encouraging. People found the sessions practical, grounding, and immediately useful. I’ve designed these masterclasses to give you tools you can use right away to shift your family dynamic.

If you couldn’t make it, I’m running both classes again in July:

Parenting an Anxious Teenager: Go from Stress to Strength
If you’ve ever felt helpless, overwhelmed, or exhausted trying to support your teenager’s emotions – this masterclass is for you.
🗓️ Date: Tuesday 1st July 2025
🕒 Time: 18:30 BST (60 minutes)
-
From Conflict to Connection: 3 Steps to Confident Parenting
If you feel stuck in a cycle of reactivity that leaves both you and your teenager drained, disconnected, and stressed – this is for you.
🗓️ Date: Thursday 3rd July 2025
🕒 Time: 18:30 BST (60 minutes)

These classes are free to attend and packed with insight, strategy, and support.
Whether you’re in the thick of teen overwhelm or just want to show up with more confidence and clarity, you’re very welcome to join one or both.

18/06/2025

Last week, during my From Conflict to Connection masterclass, a dad asked a brilliant and painful question:

“What do I do when my children fight each other? Not just bickering - full-on screaming, hitting, disturbing-the-neighbours level stuff.”

You could feel the heaviness in the (Zoom) room when he added that his parents wanted him to go full on authority and shout louder.

When your children fight like this, you’re not just dealing with them.
You’re dealing with the knot in your stomach.
The pounding in your chest.
The deep, unsettling fear that something in your family is broken.
One child erupts in rage.
The other crumbles in tears.
You weren’t there when it started, and you’ll never get the full story.
And you’re left trying to hold it all together while blaming yourself for not knowing how.

That’s not just noise. That’s heartbreak.

Here’s what I told him:

You can’t control the chaos by adding more chaos.
You can’t shout your way to peace.

This is when emotional leadership becomes essential.
And that starts with you.

When a fight erupts, your only job in that moment is to regulate yourself.
Not because you’re the problem - but because without access to your calm, grounded thinking, you can’t lead.

If your nervous system goes into panic mode, your brain flips its lid.
And leadership requires strategy, not reactivity.

And if you can’t stay calm in the middle of that riot?
Come and see me or find whatever works for you to ground yourself again.
Once calm is restored, that’s when the real work happens.
Agree with the other parent (assuming there is one) on a time somewhere in the rhythm of your family life that is calm, peaceful and associated with good times.
Whatever your equivalent to “film with pizza & popcorn night”

Then get into The 5 Ps of empowered parenting.

Own your own missteps. Be honest. Be real.
Ask for their input. Invite them to help solve the problem.

Set fair consequences. Offer meaningful rewards.
Shift the culture.

And don’t fear the anger.
Anger is powerful. Protective. Necessary.
Especially for girls - who are too often told they’re “emotional” and have their anger dismissed.

Your job isn’t to crush anger. It’s to teach your children how to channel it without causing harm.

This is the work I do every day with families.
Helping parents move from reactivity to leadership.
From chaos to calm.

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Is your teenager constantly worried? Do they melt down over things that seem manageable? Are you exhausted from trying t...
31/05/2025

Is your teenager constantly worried? Do they melt down over things that seem manageable? Are you exhausted from trying to fix, reassure, or toughen them up?

Anxiety in teenagers isn't just nervousness - it's their nervous system in overdrive. And the way we respond can either escalate or soothe that internal storm.

On 10 June at 18:30, I'm sharing exactly how to support an anxious teen without walking on eggshells or managing their entire world around their fears.

You'll learn:
👉 What anxiety really is and why understanding it changes everything
👉 The #1 shift you must make as a parent
👉 What to say (and what NOT to say) when they're spiralling

This isn't about fixing your child - it's about becoming the calm, confident leader they need.
Free masterclass: https://ingermadsen.com/strength-masterclass

Ever feel like you're tiptoeing around your teen’s moods? 😬 You’re not alone.One moment you're having a normal conversat...
28/05/2025

Ever feel like you're tiptoeing around your teen’s moods? 😬 You’re not alone.

One moment you're having a normal conversation, the next you're in an emotional storm over something that seems so small.

If you're tired of walking on eggshells, feeling reactive, or watching your teen struggle with anxiety, I have something that can help.

Join me for two FREE masterclasses this June:

📅 10 June: From Stress to Strength : Parenting an Anxious Teen
📅 12 June: From Conflict to Connection : 3 Steps to Confident Parenting

Real tools. Real results. And a chance to finally understand what's really happening beneath the surface.

You’re welcome to come to one or both. Here's the link to read more and to sign up: https://ingermadsen.com/masterclasses-coming-up/

This might sound strange coming from someone who lives and breathes emotional work...…but most of us don’t really know t...
19/05/2025

This might sound strange coming from someone who lives and breathes emotional work...

…but most of us don’t really know the difference between emotions and feelings.
And yet it makes all the difference - especially when raising teenagers.

This came up for me the other day working with a dad who is repeatedly ping-ponging between feeling desperately sorry for his son and completely aggravated by the rudeness and pushback.

So here’s a simple breakdown:

👉 Emotions are raw, fast, full-body experiences.
👉 Feelings involve thought and consideration.

We tend to use the two words interchangeably - I still do sometimes - but this distinction matters, especially for parenting.

Because the truth is, emotions are part of our survival package.
They come in hot and fast - fear, anger, sadness, joy, disgust, excitement, sexual excitement - and they demand to be felt.

Now imagine being a young person with a nervous system still under construction…
Add in a parent who also doesn’t feel safe having those big feelings around…
And boom - disconnection, shutdown, explosions.

If we remain unaware, emotions exert a covert force upon us. We risk being puppets on a string, doing things and making decisions with unwanted consequences because old programming and emotions are pretending to be in charge.

The good news? This is something we can learn.

When we educate ourselves - when we learn to hold emotional energy safely, rather than shutting it down - we transform our relationships with our children. Full stop.

This is exactly the work I do with parents who are navigating the wild ride of adolescence.

If this resonates, and you want to understand how this plays out in your family (and what to do about it), send me a message.

I’ve got a few workshops coming soon on exactly this - and I’d love to know if you’re interested.

Address

Saffron Walden
CB102

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 8pm
Tuesday 9am - 8pm
Wednesday 9am - 8pm
Thursday 9am - 8pm
Friday 9am - 8pm
Saturday 9am - 12pm

Telephone

+441799500690

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