28/05/2025
I was thinking the other day why I do what I do. I guess that over the years the words, and the explanation, might change but what I've realised is that the feelings don't. The reason that I retrained as therapist and life coach, is because I got so used to living my life in fear, in survival mode if you like, I didn't realise there was another way. Living in fear is destructive and it's debilitating; it's like running a race with a tonne weight on your back or wearing wellies filled with treacle, or both! Everything is way harder than it needs to be.
It took me a long time to see the patterns that were holding me back, the toxic relationships that I had, and the fragility of my nervous system. When I did get there though, I wondered why nobody was shouting this stuff from the rooftops. I wondered why the medical profession had never talked to me about my dysregulated nervous system but why instead I was prescribed antidepressants and sleeping tablets. It didn’t make sense to me. It still doesn’t.
I remember saying to my sleep specialist, “I’m going to learn all about this stuff and when I do I’m going to make sure that nobody has to struggle on their own like I have.” I set up a website called Insomnia Cheshire to try to bridge the gap between experience and theory. They were big words at the time, and they remain so, but I’m still working on them.
When I first qualified as a therapist, I couldn't work out why we weren't building resilience in our children; I was so excited by what I was learning so I wrote to 20 schools in my local area and offered to go in for free. I was a former teacher, and DBS checked, I thought schools would bite my hand off; they didn’t, they were afraid of doing something different, there’s that fear again.
I don't know any other way to help my clients but by sharing what I know, teaching them to regulate their own nervous systems, and helping them evict the unhealthy tenants that have taken up lodging in their heads. A saying that has stuck with me is that people become the parent they always needed; I’m the therapist and coach that I always needed. Every time it feels too much for my clients you’ll find me in their corner. That's the simple why. I do what I do because fifty years ago I needed somebody to do it for me.
What about you? Why do you do what you do?