08/02/2026
Hands up - who is a perfectionist? 🙋♀️
As a psychologist,
Iay attention when perfectionism is a big part of a person’s identity.
As a personality trait, it is often seen as positive and something to be applauded.
People aspire to be perfectionists.
And while yes, it can motivate people to achieve amazing things (think of artists, engineers, your favourite author).
Sometimes perfectionism can be motivated by Threat-based systems.
It can be a method of avoidance, driven by anxiousness and fear of making mistakes.
Next time you notice perfectionism showing up, gently and kindly ask yourself:
What purpose is this serving?
How is my body feeling?
Am I excited to work on this until it cannot be any better?
Or am I fearful of being seen to be less-than the best at what I'm trying to do?
Notice any anxiety, tension, worry? Strong negative self-beliefs? Can you do something soothing?
We know that soothing actions help your mind and body to feel safer, less under threat and less anxious. Try this:
• place 1 hand on your heart, 1 hand on your stomach. Take slow, deep breaths. Stay here for a minute or two.
• visualise a close friend or family member. Imagine they are feeling how you are - let them know you understand, it makes sense, and offer them support. You can visualise this in your mind or write it down in your notes app/journal.
💬 Therapy can help with this too.
I use compassion-focused approaches to help people struggling with emotional distress, high self-criticism, and trauma (which can be the cause of perfectionist traits).
Follow for tips on how to ease any discomfort or emotional distress (i.e., anxiety, worry, fear) that is driving your perfectionist behaviour.
Take care,
Heather
*All information and resources shared here are for educational purposes only and are not a real substitution for therapy*
*It would not be appropriate for me to offer individual therapeutic advice in the comments section or in my DMs. Please contact me via my website if you are looking for therapeutic support*
