28/01/2025
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Children learn from imitating us. The first 7 years of a child's life are crucial and what they see and hear will be programmed into their subconscious mind. A child's brain is forever developing, but by the age of 5, 90% of their brain will be developed. In these early years, the child's brain is in a state almost like hypnosis and this is why they learn so fast and absorb everything. If your child is misbehaving later in life, ask yourself - what did you teach them in their developing years? What did they see and hear? How did you treat your spouse or let them treat you in front of your children?
As an example, children who were spanked at age 0-4 can show behavioural problems later in life. They can suffer from toxic shame, depression and anxiety in childhood and into adulthood. They can become a bully or a victim of abuse in the future. If you hit animals at home for discipline, very often children hit animals as well. If you hit a child, that child will hit other children. You are teaching them that you can do anything you want to smaller creatures. You model behaviour of a bully rather than empathy and respect to all.
Your relationship with your spouse will teach children subconsciously what relationship standards to have in the future. In the first 2 years of life, we form an attachment to our caregivers. This is how our attachment style is shaped and can help predict our attachment style in adult relationships. How our parents show us love will become our love language in adulthood. How we talk to our children in distress will become their inner voice. If we have highly critical parents, most likely we can end up with a harsh inner critic (inner voice).
Our childhood has a huge impact on who we become in adulthood and produce what self-limitating beliefs we will be conditioned to believe.
Remember to work on yourself.
Heal your own wounds. Do not pass your own limitations and trauma to your children.
Often how we treat our children in distress is how we have been treated in similar situations when we were children. Why? Because when we are in stressful situations and flooded by stress hormones (in survival mode) our thinking part of the brain is switched off. We act from our subconscious programs.
Self-awareness is a key of breaking the Intergenerational Trauma. You can be a cycle breaker. Break the violence cycle!
Remember how you treat your children when they are in distress. This will be a predictor of how they will treat you when you are in distress. Often when parents are old, they have grievances about their adult children such as, they don't talk to me with respect, they scream at me, or that their children want no contact (estrangement). This is related to how parents talk and behave in front of their children. These behaviours are then programmed into the subconscious mind and under distress are automatic behaviours in adulthood. So, if we don't like how our adult children behave, we should look where they learned that behaviour and take responsibility. Our children are copies of us.
Quote: "How your kids treat you when they no longer need you for food and shelter is a direct result of how you treated them when they did." By Michelle Kenney
Quote: "Parents think why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain." By John Locke
Quote: "Children learn more from what you are than what you teach." By W. E. D. Dubois
Quote: "Our children bring us up by showing us, through imitation, what we really are. They are our Reflection. (Fallen Leaves)" by Will Durant
Quote: "Give me a child until he is seven, and I will show you the man." This statement is attributed to Aristotle, emphasizing the importance of early childhood education and the lasting impact that formative years have on a person's character and behavior. The idea is that the values, habits, and teachings instilled in children during their early years shape who they become as adults.
Conscious parenting is the way of change -by understanding ourselves, seeing our own patterns of behaviour and recognizing when we are in survival mode. Only then we are more able to act consciously, and not from our subconscious programming. Self-awareness and self-regulation is important to change this pattern. Healing ourselves and reprogramming false beliefs that are keeping us from progress. By focusing on our own change and growth we will change the way we parent. When we do this, our children will follow our example. We can't teach our children things we are not doing or understand ourselves. We can't demand specific behaviors from our children when we ourselves don't have them. What you want to teach, you need to be a living example of it first.
By Lena Kravets
