Ellie Belfield Counselling

12/03/2026

Not being a people pleaser anymore is so much fun 🐤🍗 🍴

11/03/2026

Is this you? 👇🏼

You:

• reflect endlessly on the *whys* of other people's behaviour

• rationalise, empathise & understand for them

• dismiss your own experience because of what they have been through

I've been there. And I totally get it 🩷

People can behave in ways we find hurtful unknowingly and unintentionally

AND

We still get to feel hurt by that even if there is a logical rationale somewhere.

Our job is to look after ourselves,
not overcompensate making excuses for other people's behaviour.

You're allowed to show curiosity and understand people, and still ask "how did that make me feel?"

Therapy with me is all about learning to have compassion for yourself,

to validate your own feelings

and feel better about communicating
from a place of authenticity and self-respect.

10/03/2026

This article came up on my recommended...Google knows 👀

Psychology says people who are extremely kind but have no close friends aren't socially inept — they're operating with a version of kindness that prioritizes other people's comfort so completely that it never creates the vulnerability required for actual friendship

Their kindness creates such a perfect bubble of comfort around others that no one ever gets close enough to pop it—leaving them surrounded by grateful strangers instead of real friends.

10/03/2026

You are incredibly good at understanding people.

You can explain their behaviour in five different ways.
You know their attachment style.
You know what they’ve been through.
You know why they reacted like that.

You are fair.
Measured.
Compassionate.

But somewhere in all that analysis… you disappear.

Because while you’re busy making sense of them,
no one is making sense of you.

And maybe the harder question isn’t
“Why did they do that?”

Maybe it’s
“How did that make me feel?”

Empathy is beautiful.

But when it only flows outward,
it turns into self-abandonment.

You deserve the same depth of understanding
you offer everyone else.

09/03/2026

We love those people who are easy-breezy about everything, but sometimes hard conversations need to be had.

Depth doesn't scare you.
You're not avoidant.
Emotionally you're available.

Relationships come with work, and you've always been ready to do that.

But when it feels one-sided, it can start to create resentment and isolation.

You might feel needy, annoying, and just...tired.

So when it comes to communicating again, you stiffen.

Anxiety about their reaction paralyses you, you start to think "what's the point if they're not going to understand anyway?"

Your body resists sending that message because it feels more like labour than courage.

But the goal isn't to communicate more.

It's to communicate without over-functioning.

There's a difference between:

"I'll fix this so we're okay"

And

"I'm going to say what I need and see who can meet me."

You dont want to carry it alone anymore, and that makes sense. 🩷

08/03/2026

You want depth, honesty and mutuality.

So technically, communicating makes sense.

But when it’s time to bring something up
you feel irritated
because you’ve always been the one who:

• initiates repair
• explains emotions
• names the tension
• goes first

You don’t want to do more work.

You just want to be met.

05/03/2026

Why am I the one in therapy… when I’ve been the emotionally responsible one?

To the tired, hyper-aware, emotionally literate person who feels slightly annoyed at being the one doing the work: I see you.

When you've been carrying so much for so long, the thought of having to take yet more responsibility, to set boundaries, to communicate AGAIN..

Can just feel, well, exhausting.

I totally get that resentment and reticence.

But how about let's flip it - and look at this as YOU finally getting liberation from that cage of over-responsibility.

Learning to let other people take responsibility for their emotions.

And you for yours.

Does that feel a little less exhausting?

Let me know when you're ready 💟

04/03/2026

You feel like talking about your problems is attention-seeking.

Not for anyone else, of course.

You're the first person to hold space when someone else is struggling.

But when *you* do it, you're just being needy, dramatic, making a mountain out of a molehill.

Your usual coping mechanism is to hide away when things feel hard, waiting for the negative emotions to pass as you don't want to burden people or cause an argument.

This behaviour often stems from feeling like we had to be the parents in childhood, so never truly having a space where we could feel held.

Therapy is that place where you can finally unpack without judgement, reprimand or anyone making it about anyone other than you.

You deserve that space 🩷

03/03/2026

Whenever people talk about therapy, you feel like an imposter for even considering it.

You tell yourself things like:

• "my childhood wasn't that bad"
• "other people had it much worse"
• "there are children starving in Africa"

But silencing yourself is slowly draining the life out of you.

Therapy is here when you feel ready to start opening up 💟

02/03/2026

You were the emotionally responsible one. Of course you struggle to feel fully yourself now.

Therapy can be that place of safety where I will never judge or dismiss you for having deep feelings.

Together we will help you to start internally validating your own experiences so that you gain the confidence to start truly showing up for yourself in real life.

Strengthening the positive connections and reclaiming the power you lost in the weaker ones.

DM or contact me through my Counselling Directory profile to work together

27/02/2026

I specialise in helping clients to work through old patterns of self-abandonment and negative self talk.

Through integrative talking therapy combined with EMDR, together we work out:

🩷 the "why" of your triggers
🩷 how to regulate, validate and have self compassion in these moments
🩷 ways you can prioritise yourself without feeling guilty all the time

I know how tough it can be, but it is amazing seeing clients come out the other side feeling good about themselves, more confident in who they are and able to say "no" without ruminating for weeks.

Ready to grow? DM "grow" to start your journey.

26/02/2026

When good girl mode is so far behind, she can't even see the line anymore.

The line is a dot to her.

So this megaphone calling-out didn't actually happen, obviously.

But what a shift from taking someone else's personally - "is it because I'm not pretty enough? / they're embrassed to be seen with me?"

To: wow, that's strange. I'd better warn other people about that and stay away. I don't have to submit and do exactly what this stranger tells me against my own will.

My clients are truly building that confidence within to keep them safe and to learn to take other people's behaviour as a reflection of their capacity. Not your worth.

This is serious work, and I'm here to help you through it 🩷