Dr John Ashfield

23/12/2025

So Much Nonsense About Men and Feelings

For decades, men have been exhorted to “get in touch with their feelings”, and to emulate women’s ways of doing things emotionally, as the preferred model of what it means to be a “whole person”. Well known American psychology professor Ronald Levant (author of several books about men) laments that men can’t express emotion in the easy and automatic way that women can. What seems not to have occurred to him is that men don’t do this because they are not women!

In the dark past of gender relations, it was believed that women were “naturally” inferior to men and were put on earth for little more than s*x, reproduction, and domestic chores – an idea quite rightly overhauled by the early women’s movement, to the benefit of us all. However, before there was time to draw breath, a new and aggressive brand of gender ideology arrived. Going to another extreme - and making stuff up as it went along - it championed the idea that the only significant difference between men and women is in s*xual and reproductive function It also asserted that how men and women think, feel and behave is all socially constructed. As is the nature of ideologies it unfortunately lost its grip on reality. Thankfully, good science and common sense have since come to the rescue.

Certainly, we are profoundly influenced by what we learn socially and culturally. But we now know, from a large body of scientific evidence, that differences in male/female roles, temperament and behaviour have much more to do with our brain “hardwiring” and hormones; yes, differences in human biology (Hines, 2010, 2015; Hyde, 2005). The old notion of gender superiority needed to be dismissed. But difference is here to stay, and we better try to understand it (Ashfield, 2011).

This difference is clearly evident in how men and women express and deal with emotions. Women tend (on average) to be better than men at expressing, remembering and verbalizing emotion; they also tend to ruminate, or go over and over problems and their associated feelings – the pitfall of which can be “under-regulation” of thoughts and emotions (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2011; Johnson & Whisman, 2013). Men, particularly in circumstances that prompt a protective response, prefer to spring into action and start problem solving. They appear to be better at emotion and thought regulation, paying less attention to them, and putting them on hold, to be dealt with when a perceived threat or danger has passed (Tamres et al., 2002; Taylor et al., 2000). The pitfall for men can be “over-regulation”; they can become disconnected from their emotions or fail to deal with emotions put on hold (Ashfield, 2011). In these characteristic ways, women and men can run into trouble.
These different emotional styles fit with the kind of action/task versus relationship-oriented roles towards which most men and women tend to gravitate, including in cultures that have gone to great lengths to cultivate gender neutral opportunities (Hsu et al., 2021; Su et al., 2009). And whilst culture certainly plays a part, biology and its strategies of survival appear to be both primary, and remarkably resistant to attempts at socially engineered change.

Of course, men can learn to be better listeners, to show sensitivity and tenderness, and to communicate effectively in relationships, so long as expectations of them are in harmony with who they are. We need to remember that men are not women, and that differences in verbal and emotional expression between men and women (no matter how infuriating sometimes) have served us well for a very long time, and for the foreseeable future will persist.

References
Ashfield, J. A. (2011). Doing psychotherapy with men: Practising ethical psychotherapy and counselling with men. Saint Peters, NSW: Australian Institute of Male Health and Studies.
Hines, M. (2010). S*x-related variation in human behaviour and the brain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 14(10), 448–456. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2010.07.005
Hines, M. (2015). Early androgen exposure and human gender development. Biology of S*x Differences, 6, 3. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13293-015-0022-1
Hsu, N., Badura, K. L., Newman, D. A., & Speach, M. E. P. (2021). Gender, “masculinity,” and “femininity”: A meta-analytic review of gender differences in agency and communion. Psychological Bulletin, 147(10), 987–1011.
Hyde, J. S. (2005). The gender similarities hypothesis. American Psychologist, 60(6), 581–592. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.60.6.581
Johnson, D. P., & Whisman, M. A. (2013). Gender differences in rumination: A meta-analysis. Personality and Individual Differences, 55(4), 367–374. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2013.03.019
Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2011). Gender differences in emotion regulation and psychopathology: The role of rumination. In I. H. Gotlib & C. L. Hammen (Eds.), Handbook of depression (2nd ed., pp. 267–287). Guilford Press.
Su, R., Rounds, J., & Armstrong, P. I. (2009). Men and things, women and people: A meta-analysis of s*x differences in interests. Psychological Bulletin, 135(6), 859–884. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017364
Tamres, L. K., Janicki, D., & Helgeson, V. S. (2002). S*x differences in coping behaviour: A meta-analytic review. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 6(1), 2–30. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0601_1
Taylor, S. E., Klein, L. C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R. A. R., & Updegraff, J. A. (2000). Biobehavioural responses to stress in females: Tend-and-befriend, not fight-or-flight. Psychological Review, 107(3), 411–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.107.3.411

You can read an online version of this article here: https://drjohnashfield.com/men-and-feelings/

16/12/2025

Figuring Out What Women Want

Surely one of the most frequently uttered male exasperations in any language must be: “I’m not a mind-reader” – or something to that effect. When world-renowned female gender gurus can’t even answer the question: “what do women really want?” how the hell are men supposed to figure it out? Don’t “watch this space”.

All we do know for sure is that what more than a few women want is changeable, and if we can’t lock onto their baffling maneuvers like a heat seeking missile, then they may well fly past us going in the opposite direction. All too often men are caught completely unaware that their female partner’s expectations of the relationship have radically changed. Men are also left wondering how their “poor communication” is held entirely responsible for the rift.

Both s*xes appear to start out with similar agendas: a house, car, kids, holidays – happy families. But once the frenetic activity of nest building and raising young is mostly accomplished, women may start to feel redundant – and become restless. In fact, we now know that nearly as many women admit to experiencing a mid-life crisis as men (Robinson & Wright, 2013; Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2015). Men of course have their work and, anyway, need to stick to its routine to be able to provide (Office for National Statistics, 2022; Workplace Gender Equality Agency, 2025). Most women still prefer men to remain the full-time providers. (YouGov, 2018; Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2015) but by doing so, are men at risk of unwittingly blending into the very ordinariness from which women feel the need to escape?

Most men are only just beginning to comprehend the reality that women now have more choices, freedom and money than at any time in history – and that they’re prepared to use them. And it doesn’t help that we’ve all been marinated in the confusion about roles and relationships – courtesy of decades of gender experiments gone wrong. What women want, what they are encouraged to want, and what they sometimes choose – but then realize they don’t really want… yes, it is beyond mere men to figure out.

Men simply have to become more proactive in their relationships than in the past: monitoring the emotional temperature, satisfaction levels, and becoming adept at new and subtler forms of communication. The need to adapt to major changes across the life of a relationship must now be taken for granted. There is simply no room anymore for the old strategy of denial.

Men also need to clarify and communicate their own expectations, needs, and aspirations – being clear about what they can and are prepared to compromise, without losing their own sense of integrity, dignity, and manliness. Agreeing now and fuming later is a very bad idea.

There are definitely things for men to take charge of here, not only to avoid becoming the bewildered casualties of changing relationships, but also in order to give relationships a sporting chance of survival. Tiresome as it may be, there’s simply no choice but for old dogs to learn new tricks.

References
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2015). General Social Survey: Summary Results, Australia, 2010 (Cat. no. 4159.0). https://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs%40.nsf/0/8D0713D229579D3CCA25791A0082C403?opendocument
Australian Institute of Family Studies. (2015, August 25). A quarter of parents prefer a male “breadwinner”. https://aifs.gov.au/media/quarter-parents-prefer-male-breadwinner
Office for National Statistics. (2022, July 22). Families and the labour market, UK: 2021. https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/familiesandthelabourmarketengland/2021
Robinson, O. C., & Wright, G. R. T. (2013). The prevalence, types and perceived outcomes of crisis episodes in early adulthood and midlife: A structured retrospective-autobiographical study. International Journal of Behavioural Development, 37(5), 407–416. https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025413492464
Workplace Gender Equality Agency. (2025, November 27). WGEA Gender Equality Scorecard 2024–25. https://www.wgea.gov.au/publications/australias-gender-equality-scorecard
YouGov. (2018, November 1). Four in ten men in heteros*xual relationships feel a responsibility to earn more than their partner. https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/21513-four-ten-men-heteros*xual-relationships-feel-respo

Link to the article: https://drjohnashfield.com/figuring-out-what-women-want/

15/12/2025

Surviving the Mid-Life Blues

We’re all familiar with the stereotype of the man who reaches mid-life, starts dressing and behaving in a way that is an embarrassment to his children, and trades his wife in for a younger model. Stories of this kind are not known for their happy endings. Unfortunately, there’s no known formula for recapturing a lost or misspent youth.

Thankfully, research suggests that the so-called “mid-life crisis” is by no means inevitable; in fact, only a minority of adults report experiencing such a crisis, and many men do not experience one at all (Infurna et al., 2020; Nature, 2024). And whether mid-life turns out to be a disaster or a plus, largely depends on how it’s tackled. Certainly, men in their 40s or 50s may find themselves grappling with feelings of dissatisfaction at the way life has turned out, and with the awareness of ageing and time passing them by. They may feel locked into a sense of being ordinary and expendable or condemned to a job or lifestyle that seems trivial and deadening. Lots of things can trigger such feelings – for example: upheaval at work, relationship difficulties, signs of ageing, or a milestone birthday. Changes in s*x hormones, body physiology and sleep, may also be associated with the challenge of mid-life experience.

How can you best survive the mid-life blues? The most pivotal thing may be whether you choose to take a long hard rational look at things (and your options), or instead opt for a knee-jerk reaction, or the mire of defeatism.

Though there’s no way of recapturing a lost youth, mid-life can be a much-needed wake-up call for you not to miss a second chance at becoming the kind of person that you’d most like to be. The beginning of the “afternoon of life” doesn’t have to be dogged by wistful regrets. It can be an energising fresh start and a new beginning. It may involve significant lifestyle change, sorting out issues in a relationship, re-training, or maybe a plan to change jobs . It may challenge you to review and enliven life, rather than just being carried along as a numbed and defeated victim of it.

Much about our experience as men can only be shared with and understood by other men. Only men understand the secret fears that go with the territory of masculinity. So, getting some conversation going with other men can be a huge help. And there’s nothing wrong with dreaming of breaking free. As Clint Eastwood once put it: “If you don’t live out the wild part of you, it’ll eat away at your heart”. The trick is to find a way to do that, which is thoughtful rather than impulsive; truly worthy of us and helpful to us, rather than just a quick fix followed by disappointment.

References

Infurna, F. J., Rueter, M. A., & Zarit, S. H. (2020). Midlife in the 2020s: Opportunities and challenges. Psychological Inquiry, 31(2), 89–104. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2020.1757558
Nature. (2024). The midlife crisis is not universal. Nature. https://doi.org/10.1038/d41586-024-03486-z

Link to article: https://drjohnashfield.com/surviving-the-mid-life-blues/

13/12/2025

Men Making a Living: A Case of S*x Discrimination?

Bemoaning men’s addiction to work is commonplace these days, but you only have to scratch the surface of this complaint to unearth some interesting contradictions. Yes, work is a serious business for men; men want to work, need to work, and get sick if they are deprived of work. So why their seeming obsession with work?

Doubtless, our evolutionary history has played a significant part. For human survival, men appear “hardwired” to work, with an action orientation, and a need to be a cause that brings about an effect. And, whilst most men derive dignity and meaning from constructive and creative work, even when work is sheer drudgery, dirty or dangerous, they’ll do it to be thought of as good providers. Perhaps that shouldn’t surprise us since as a society, we largely define men’s worth by their productive capacity – their ability to generate an income - and not just for themselves but for others (Hochschild, 1997).

Men are far more complained about when there is little cash to spend than when there is some to spare. And, in their competition for a marriage partner, women have always generally preferred men that are good earners, and, much more than men, have preferred to “marry up” rather than down (Buss, 2016). On these terms, men have little choice but to obsess about work. Begs the question: if men are expected to provide for others – and to be seen as good marriage material on the basis of their productive capacity, isn’t that a case of s*x discrimination, at least by the standards of “equity and equality” demanded by our so‑called ‘enlightened society in all sorts of other ways?’.

Some would argue (while still being beneficiaries), that the whole notion of “providers” is outdated; however, research indicates otherwise. There is still a strong expectation that men should be principal breadwinners. A recent survey, Household Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA), found that the majority of women want their men to work full‑time and are most satisfied when they themselves have the option of working part‑time or not at all. According to the survey, men too prefer to work full‑time but don’t mind if their partners work part‑time or don’t work at all (Wilkins, 2023). It would appear that traditional s*x‑differentiated roles are alive and well (Ervin 2023; University of Melbourne 2018; AIFS 2021; O’Brien & Carney 2020; ONS 2019).

In Britain, large-scale survey and labour‑market data tell a similar story: although explicit endorsement of the statement that “a man’s job is to earn the money; a woman’s job is to look after the home and family” has declined over recent decades, most couple households with children still follow a “modified male‑breadwinner” pattern in which fathers are typically full‑time earners and mothers disproportionately work part‑time, and three years after childbirth around 69 per cent of families have a sole male earner or male breadwinner (NatCen Social Research 2023; GOV.UK 2019; ONS 2019).

In any Industrial Relations debate about what will most promote productivity, growth, and prosperity for the nation, do we spare a thought for what will be expected of working men? And is anyone considering the impact on men and their mental health, in the whole push for a casualised workforce?

Perhaps too many men do “live to work”, and that may not be healthy. But they often do it because of the demands on them to “work to live” – to provide the standard of living that has become a normative feature of British and Australian lifestyles. Perhaps that’s what we need to criticise and question.

Men aren’t bleating about being victims in all of this; they mostly see it as the natural order of things. But taking any cheap shots at them for their preoccupation with work is pretty glib and unfair, when you think about what’s expected of their role. Most men would readily concede that learning to leave work at work, to properly relax, and to nurture their relationships is important; and that children need their fathers to spend quality time with them and parent them. But work men must; it is expected of them; it is increasingly demanded of them.

References
Australian Institute of Family Studies. (2021). Families and work in Australia. Canberra, Australia: Author.
Ervin, M. (2023). Gender roles and labour expectations in contemporary Australia. Melbourne, Australia: University of Melbourne Press.
O’Brien, M., & Carney, C. (2020). Modern fatherhood and employment patterns. London, England: Social Policy Press.
Office for National Statistics. (2019). Families and the labour market, UK: 2019. London, England: Author.
University of Melbourne. (2018). Household work and gender expectations: A longitudinal review. Melbourne, Australia: Author.
NatCen Social Research. (2023). British social attitudes survey 40: Gender roles. London, England: Author.
HM Government. (2019). Employment statistics for UK households: Annual report. London, England: Author.
Wilkins, R. (2023). The HILDA survey: Selected findings. Melbourne, Australia: University of Melbourne.
Buss, D. (2016). Evolutionary psychology: The new science of the mind (5th ed.). New York, NY: Routledge.
Hochschild, A. R. (1997). The time bind: When work becomes home and home becomes work. New York, NY: Henry Holt.

Link here: https://drjohnashfield.com/men-making-a-living/

02/12/2025

Understanding Why Men are in Poor Health – Comparative Analysis (Australia & UK, 2025)

When comparing the health of men with women in Australia and the United Kingdom, the contrast remains deeply concerning. Men not only die younger than women, but they are also much more likely to die from all the major causes of death. This disparity is particularly pronounced among men from rural, low socioeconomic, or hazardous occupational backgrounds.

Current Life Expectancy and Health Inequality

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS, 2024), life expectancy at birth in Australia was 81.1 years for men and 85.1 years for women. Health-adjusted life expectancy (HALE) was 71.7 years for men and 73.8 years for women (ABS, 2025). In comparison, the UK’s Office for National Statistics (ONS) reported male life expectancy at 79.0 years and female life expectancy at 83.0 years in 2021–2023. In both countries, men continue to experience significantly shorter and less healthy lives.

The most important determinant of male health remains socioeconomic status—the ‘social gradient’. Men in the lowest income or education brackets are far more likely to experience chronic illness, disability, and early death. The Health Foundation (2025) found that men in England’s most deprived areas live nearly 10 years less than those in the least deprived. This pattern is consistent across Australia, where life expectancy can differ by more than eight years between affluent and rural or remote areas.

Occupational Health and Risk Exposure

Men’s health is also shaped by the nature of the work they perform. In Australia, 95% of all workplace fatalities in 2023 were male, according to Safe Work Australia. Historically, this figure has hovered between 95% and 97% for decades. Similarly, in the UK, men account for the vast majority of workplace deaths and injuries, reflecting the ongoing male dominance in dangerous and physically demanding jobs.

Disparities in Health Funding and Policy Priority

Across both Australia and the United Kingdom, men’s health receives significantly less policy attention and funding than women’s health, despite men’s substantially higher burden of early and preventable death. In Australia, less than 2% of federal ‘men’s and women’s health’ funding since 2022 has been allocated to men’s health (AMHF, 2025). The UK shows a similar pattern: there is no national men’s health strategy, no ring‑fenced funding, and minimal targeted programming (Men’s Health Forum UK, 2024). Although the UK has a comprehensive Women’s Health Strategy (Department of Health & Social Care, 2022), men’s higher rates of su***de, cardiovascular disease, and workplace fatalities have not resulted in dedicated national initiatives. Public and occupational health frameworks also lack male‑specific approaches, despite men constituting around 96% of workplace deaths (HSE, 2024) and nearly three‑quarters of su***des (ONS, 2023). This structural under‑investment reinforces enduring gendered health inequalities across both countries.

Behavioural and Cultural Influences

While lifestyle choices contribute to male health risks—such as higher rates of smoking, alcohol consumption, and delayed medical help-seeking—these behaviours often reflect deeper social norms. Men are socialised to be resilient and self-reliant, which can discourage preventive care and timely engagement with health services. The societal expectation for men to perform hazardous or high-stress work further compounds these risks.

Conclusion

Both Australia and the United Kingdom exhibit entrenched gender-based health disparities. Men die younger, live fewer healthy years, and are disproportionately affected by occupational and mental health risks. Without deliberate policy intervention and equitable funding, these disparities will persist. Addressing men’s health requires both cultural and structural change—a recalibration of public health priorities that recognises men’s specific risks and social contexts.

References

• ABS. Life Expectancy, Australia, 2021–2023. Australian Bureau of Statistics, 8 November 2024.
• ABS. Life Expectancy – Healthy Throughout Life (HALE). Australian Bureau of Statistics, 15 September 2025.
• AMHF (Australian Men’s Health Forum). Poole, Glen. 'Federal budget confirms men’s health is not a national priority.' 27 March 2025.
• Health Foundation. Inequalities in Life Expectancy and Healthy Life Expectancy. 17 February 2025.
• ONS. Healthy life expectancy by National Area Deprivation, England and Wales: between 2013–15 and 2020–22. Office for National Statistics.
• Health Foundation. Quantifying Health Inequalities in England. 2025.
• ONS. National life tables – life expectancy in the UK: 2020–2022.
• Safe Work Australia. Key Work Health and Safety Statistics Australia 2024.
• Safe Work Australia. Work-related Traumatic Injury Fatalities, Australia (2019).
• ABS. Work-related Injuries, 2021–22 financial year.
• ABS. Causes of Death, Australia, 2023.
• Men’s Health Forum (UK). Key Data: Mortality.
• The King’s Fund. What is Happening to Life Expectancy in England? 2024.

Web post here: https://drjohnashfield.com/understanding-why-men-are-in-poor-health/

27/11/2025

Men: The Disposable Gender

Australia and the United Kingdom are prosperous societies with strong institutions, freedoms, and relative stability. But what is scarcely ever acknowledged is that none of this would mean anything without the labor of ordinary workers – workers prepared to pay a very high price for our “success”; workers who, in a whole range of occupations and ways, are prepared to accept some measure of disposability.

It is men who take on roles where danger, injury, and health burdens are disproportionately concentrated. Too often, these costs are invisible in public debates. Workplace fatalities and harm to health (including mental health) are two of the starkest examples. Here is the statistical picture for Australia and Britain:
Australia.

According to Safe Work Australia, 200 workers lost their lives in work-related traumatic incidents in 2023. Of these, around 95% were men (189 of 200). This continues a stubborn trend in which men disproportionately bear the risk of workplace fatalities.

The sectors with the highest number of deaths were:
• Transport, postal & warehousing – 51 fatalities
• Construction – 45 fatalities
• Agriculture, forestry & fishing – 27 fatalities

Vehicle incidents remain the single most common cause of death (around 42% of cases), followed by falls from height (about 15%). Non-fatal harm is also widespread: in 2022–23 there were about 139,000 serious workers’ compensation claims, with mental health conditions making up about 11%. The median time off work for mental health cases was more than five times longer than for many other injuries.

Great Britain

The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) recorded 124 worker deaths in the year 2024–25. This represents a decline from 138 in the previous year, but the burden remains heavy. As in Australia, men make up the overwhelming majority of these fatalities.

The most hazardous sectors mirror those in Australia:
• Construction – 35 fatalities
• Agriculture, forestry & fishing – 23 fatalities

Falls from a height were the leading cause of death (around 35 fatalities, more than a quarter of the total). Overall, 1.7 million people were suffering from work-related ill health in 2023–24, with about 604,000 self-reported non-fatal injuries.

Comparing the Two Nations

At first glance, the raw numbers - 200 deaths in Australia versus 124 in Britain—seem puzzling, given the UK’s much larger workforce. But absolute numbers can mislead. Australia’s industries, especially transport, mining, and remote agriculture, expose more workers to high-risk environments. Rates per 100,000 workers are a more accurate way to compare, though definitions and reporting standards differ between nations.

Still, the pattern is unmistakable: men are most represented in the high-risk industries like construction and agriculture which consistently account for a disproportionate share of deaths.

The Invisible Cost

Every death is more than a statistic - it is a family shattered and a community diminished. Yet, while society mobilises to debate issues of net-zero, the cost of living, or gender equality, the routine loss of male lives at work receives little if any real attention. The cultural expectation that men accept risk as part of their duty - to family and to society - normalises their disposability and perpetuates its invisibility.

For a society to be truly decent and equitable, recognition must extend to those who carry the bulk of these risks. That means safer workplace practices and protections for health, attention to both physical and mental health, health funding for male friendly services proportionally set at levels that take men’s health seriously, and a cultural shift that values men not as disposable, but as human beings whose lives and well-being matter.
Perhaps most importantly, men need to be valued for their preparedness to expose themselves to all the hazards and risks that go with their socially expected and taken for granted roles, instead of being continually disparaged and criticized by those who wouldn’t dream of doing the ‘dirty work’ foisted on men.

References
• Safe Work Australia (2024). Workplace fatalities report.
• Health and Safety Executive (2025). Work-related fatal injuries in Great Britain.
• HCAMag.com (2024). Australia logs 200 workplace fatalities in 2023.
• Press release, UK Health and Safety Executive (2025).

https://drjohnashfield.com/men-the-disposable-gender/

25/11/2025

Becoming a First-time Father

Just for Men (and for the women who want to sneak a look). If you find it interesting, do leave a comment and pass it on.

As most fathers will confess, there’s simply nothing that can fully prepare you for the experience and upheaval of first-time parenthood. Not only does it dishevel your everyday existence, affecting sleep, s*x, recreation, living space, daily routines, financial expenditure, and much more – it also radically alters your sense of who you are. Going beyond being a partner or husband, to becoming a father, often opens up parts of a man he didn’t ever know he’d experience or feel. And though for most new fathers it’s usually very positive, for some, at least for a while, it can be quite bewildering and uncomfortable.

A great deal of fuss is being made about fathering and fatherhood these days – including the apparent problem of too little involvement by some fathers with their newborn infants. But does the world really welcome new fathers? Sometimes not; and that may be the single most perplexing thing a new father has to contend with.

Men often feel the tension of wanting – trying, to find scope for meaningful involvement as a father, but being subtly kept on the periphery. They sometimes have a sense of women closing ranks, rather than making an effort to include them; and sometimes being merely politely humored in their fumbling attempts to feel relevant and play a meaningful part.

Not infrequently, men are shown little patience in hospital and health settings catering for birthing mothers and new infants. The community midwife visits when fathers aren’t at home; the whole range of information for new parents is couched in terms that usually only cater for mothers, not fathers. And though the importance of good fathering to healthy and normal early childhood development is indisputable, many men struggle to discover the important father-role they are told is expected of them. Single supporting fathers especially have said time and time again that they are rarely catered for, nor do they feel supported, by health and welfare programs.

Given most men’s likely domestic daytime absence due to work, and that the time of infant childrearing is generally more heavily maternal, being an involved father may not be something that happens without its mishaps. New fathers may need to negotiate with their partners, and thoughtfully and realistically decide for themselves what their fathering role is to be. Certainly, that isn’t something that disdainful finger-wagging political correctness should ever decide.

New fathers, who are themselves keen on substantial involvement with their infants, may need to assert their right to be considered and welcomed, not only by the women around them, but also by the health and welfare services that make contact with their infants.

Fatherhood isn’t something that should be left to women to decide – or uninvolved “experts”. The shape it takes within each family, and for each father, will ideally emerge out of truthful and unselfish communication between both partners, in consideration of their particular needs, desires, and circumstances.

There’s simply nothing that can fully prepare you for the experience and upheaval of becoming a first-time father