Heidi Miles Psychotherapy and Counselling

28/04/2026

We call it scrolling…
— moving from app to app, post to post, hoping something will soothe, distract, or fill the space inside us.

Why do we do it?

Because our brains are wired to seek relief. Every swipe offers the possibility of novelty, connection, validation, or escape. Dopamine isn’t the “pleasure chemical” people often think it is — it’s more about anticipation and seeking. Our brain says, *maybe the next post will be the one.*

So we keep going.

Often, scrolling isn’t really about boredom. It can be about loneliness, anxiety, overwhelm, or the discomfort of being still with ourselves. It becomes a quick way to regulate feelings we may not even have words for.

But the relief is usually brief.

Relational psychotherapy offers a different kind of pause.

Instead of endlessly searching outside ourselves, therapy creates space to understand what we’re actually reaching for. Safety. Connection. Recognition. Rest. Meaning.

In a therapeutic relationship, we can begin to notice the patterns:
What am I avoiding?
What am I hoping to find?
What feeling am I trying not to feel?

Not because scrolling is “bad,” but because awareness gives us choice.

Sometimes what we need isn’t another scroll.
It’s to feel seen.

27/04/2026

✨ Grief has a way of bending time.

I don't know about you, but I think, and feel
that grief doesn’t move in a straight line, and it certainly doesn’t stay politely in the present. It drifts. It loops. It pulls us into memories we thought had settled, shakes something loose in the middle of an ordinary day, or suddenly reminds us of a future that will look different now.

Some moments bring a rush of longing for what was.
Others highlight the weight of what is.
And sometimes it’s the ache of what will never be that catches us off guard.
None of these moments mean we’re “back at the beginning.”
They’re simply part of loving someone who isn’t here in the same way anymore.

If your grief has been time‑travelling lately into the past, the present, or the imagined future, I hope you can meet both it and yourself with gentleness. There is no right pace. No correct direction. Just the ongoing, human work of carrying love in a world that keeps moving.

22/04/2026

Love her art and great to see more support and awareness in our local area for Autism.

As part of we're sharing information
on support and organisations in the Selby area and further afield for neurodiverse people and their families / carers:

• Open Arms - Selby – Adult Care services in Selby, including social and community events
01757 211214 tracey@openarmsselby.co.uk

• The Big Communi-Tea – Mental health support charity in Selby for North Yorkshire
01757 642177 admin@communitea.org.uk

• Up For Yorkshire – Community support and advice in North Yorkshire
01757 291111 enquiries@upforyorkshire.org.uk

• The Blueberry Academy York – Supporting young people with SEND into learning and meaningful employment. Based in York and Scarborough, also covering other areas in North Yorkshire. Social events such as discos for adults with additional needs and neurodiversity
01904 638885 info@blueberryacademy.co.uk

• Bee-able CIC – Youth organisation for individuals with neurodiversity and disability in the Selby and York area. Based in Riccall
07706 161977 bee-able@hotmail.com

• Open Country Yorkshire– Helping people with neurodiversity and disabilities access the countryside in Yorkshire. Day trips and walking groups
01423 507227 yorkandselby@opencountry.org.uk

• The Snappy Trust– Supporting young people with a wide range of disabilities personal development
07710 282 269 office@thesnappytrust.org

• National Autistic Society – Uk's leading charity for autistic people and their families
https://www.autism.org.uk/contact-us

In collaboration with Market Cross

21/04/2026

Sometimes we think of the PACE model (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy) as something we offer to others—but what if we turned it inward?

When we feel overwhelmed, reactive, or “out of sorts,” it’s easy to jump straight to judgment. But those moments are often signs of nervous system dysregulation, not personal failure.

What might it look like to meet ourselves with PACE instead?

✨ Playfulness: Can I soften this moment, even just a little, instead of taking everything as proof that I’m failing?
✨ Acceptance: Can I acknowledge “this is where I am right now” without fighting it?
✨ Curiosity: What might be underneath this reaction? What is my body or mind trying to tell me?
✨ Empathy: Can I offer myself the same kindness I’d give someone I care about?

We don’t have to get it right. We just have to get a little gentler.

Self-compassion doesn’t fix everything—but it creates the conditions for regulation, repair, and change.

18/04/2026

Yesterday we looked at our 'Window of tolerance' for trauma, and how to expand that. Today the exploration of dealing with/understanding how trauma presents in the therapy room continues... for more information, or to talk to someone about a potential new career in counselling or psychotherapy please visit: www.scpti.co.uk

17/04/2026

Growth begins in the presence of another. Something to ponder. Wishing you peace this evening 🌻

13/04/2026

Having systems and institutions that understand neurodiversity and are willing to grow their understanding is crucial.

I mostly work with adults either directly impacted by issues such as PDA, rejection sensitivity, trauma (their own or their child’s) or who are experiencing some of the impact of a lack of understanding of themselves within their peer group, work place or family.

I really like Neuroteachers as it can give you a little bit of insight, education and hope that there are many of us out there continuing to fight to support change.

13/04/2026

We had hail and wind and rain last night and now the sun is shining.
# #
Life can feel like that-an ongoing cycle of change, some good some not so much.

I currently have availability for daytime online sessions. Please get in touch.

08/04/2026

Nature and its healing sights and sounds

02/04/2026

If you know anyone or work with anyone who has thoughts on this do please let them know. Children and families need to have a voice.

The government wants to know what people think about mental health and wellbeing support for children in kinship care - so it's vital they hear from kinship carers ahead of the deadline on Tuesday 5 May.

For too long, many kinship children have gone without the emotional or therapeutic help they desperately need. More than half of kinship carers tell us their children have mental health difficulties, yet far too many have never received any specialist support. The government's consultation is a chance to change that - but only if kinship families speak up.

📝 To help kinship carers take part, we’ve created a simple step‑by‑step guide here: https://loom.ly/Ib3I-oY

This review is not just about the adoption and special guardianship support fund (ASGSF). It's also about the wider system of support that families rely on to help children heal, recover and thrive. And every kinship carer - whether you’re eligible for the ASGSF or not - can share their views.

Our guide highlights the questions in the consultation that matter most for kinship carers and explains how you can share the support your family needs, and your views on what should be available.

💛 Download the guide and make your voice heard: https://loom.ly/Ib3I-oY

25/03/2026

Thoughts for today:

Creating something isn’t always about the end product. Sometimes it’s about reflecting on how we relate to what we create. How the critic in us emerges, or how we slow down and enjoy each stitch coming in and out of the cloth.
Perfectionism can come from all sorts of past narratives and experiences. Allowing ourselves time to slow down can be a real challenge.

24/03/2026

In play therapy, we don’t just see behaviour
we see the nervous system underneath it
Polyvagal Theory, first developed by Dr Stephen Porges, helps us understand how the autonomic nervous system responds to safety, danger and threat.

Building on earlier work in neuroscience and attachment, including theorists such as John Bowlby, this framework offers a relational way of understanding children’s behaviour.

We understand that children move through different states of their autonomic nervous system.

🟢 Safe and Connected (Ventral Vagal)
A child feels calm, curious and able to engage in play and relationships.

🟠 Alert and Mobilised (Sympathetic)
A child may appear anxious, restless or dysregulated and their system is preparing to fight or flee.

🔵 Shutdown and Withdrawn (Dorsal Vagal)
A child may seem flat, disconnected or disengaged and their system is conserving energy to cope.

✨ In the playroom, children don’t need to explain these states in words.

Through play, they show us where they are and gently, safely we meet them there

Play therapy offers:

💛 A regulated adult nervous system
💛 A safe, attuned relationship
💛 Opportunities for co regulation
💛 Space for the child to move back towards connection

Because healing doesn’t come from fixing behaviour.

It comes from feeling safe enough to be understood.