19/11/2025
Today, on International Men’s Day, I’m reflecting on the good men who often carry far more than they should.
Before becoming a counsellor, I spent years as a firefighter and close protection officer.
In those worlds I was fortunate enough to work with some truly reflective, compassionate men, who taught me the courage to pause, breathe, and take a moment for myself without guilt.
Yet this is easier said than done, and too often I found myself unable (and sometimes unwilling) to move forwards with out guilt… While I carried many physical scars and injuries, there were so many deeper ones, unseen but no less wounding.
Then I retrained as a counsellor, and while training I learned first how to heal. To heal the parts of myself that I carried without recognising them for what they were.
Once I did, I became aware of how all too often men learn to shoulder their burdens…
As though each carries an invisible backpack; every problem a pebble, rock or boulder…
All loaded into that pack and carried forwards… Day by day.
Guilt, expectation, shame, homelessness, su***de, violence, gaslighting… It’s all there, often hidden well by those carrying these strains… More and more pebbles and boulders weighing that pack down.
When these men come to my practice, they often see themselves as protectors, problem-solvers, the steady ones…
But even protectors need recovery time. Even problem-solvers need support.
Even the steady ones deserve a safe place to heal.
How many times I’ve heard: “I never imagined I could feel like this… I never thought I would be one of ‘these’ guys…”
These good men, more often that not, see the process of healing as a failure, weakness…
For the first half hour.
Opening up, grieving and being vulnerable when it is safe to do so…
Then the perception changes. A new realisation and resilience begins.
Taking a moment for yourself isn’t weakness…
It’s maintenance.
It’s a strength.
It’s how you stay well enough to keep doing the things you value.
Let’s celebrate all the good men today not just for what they do, but for who they are, and for the quiet, hard work of looking after their own mental health.
Following quite a period of picking up rocks & putting them in my own backpack, here I am, emptying some rocks back out - relaxing, unwinding & letting go! (You don’t need to go to Tenerife to do so, but following some health complications my wife booked a ‘horizontal holiday’ so that I would actually down tools & rest)!
Happy International Men’s Day. Take your moment. You’ve earned it.