08/09/2025
I've really enjoyed this course- here are some of my thoughts/notes.
This isn't about Parent-bashing or dwelling in victimhood; it's about understanding, healing, and reclaiming a better/happier life.
For those of us who didn't receive the nurturing, consistent love that every child deserves from their parent/parent's, we might struggle with self-worth, find ourselves drawn to unhealthy relationships, or carry a persistent feeling that something fundamental is missing; even when our lives look successful from the outside.
There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes from growing up feeling unseen by the person who was supposed to know you best. Maybe you remember being a little child, desperately trying to earn approval that never came, or perhaps you've spent your adult life wondering why other people seem to navigate relationships with ease.
We can now validate that emotional neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse and parentification, is real trauma. Many people spend years minimizing their childhood experiences because they say things like- my dad never hit me or it was my mum was the one who was being physically abused. Even being exposed to situations that leave us feeling our safety has been compromised can have adverse effects on a young person. The harm to a child/young person and be significant and damaging. It is important to stop gaslighting yourself about your own lived experience and speak your truth without fear of judgement.
One of the most liberating insights was understanding that a parent's inability to love isn't caused by the child's inadequacy. We can often carry the unconscious belief that if we had been smarter, prettier, or more obedient, parents would have been warmer and more available. Maternal/paternal emotional unavailability stems from the mother's/fathers own wounds and limitations—not the child's worthiness—this can help release decades of self-blame. This shift allowed can allow you to see your childhood self with compassion rather than criticism, recognizing that we are all deserving of love.
Exploration of generational trauma patterns was both sobering and hopeful. We can often recognized how our parents emotional unavailability had been passed down through generations of me/women who had never learned to nurture themselves, much less their children. Understanding these inherited patterns helps see your mum and dads limitations with compassion while taking responsibility for breaking the cycle. We can then begin the intentional work of developing the nurturing capacity we had never received, learning to comfort your own inner child while becoming the emotionally available parent that our children deserve.
Perhaps the most challenging yet freeing lesson is accepting that our healing journey doesn't depend on your parents changing, apologizing, or even understanding the impact of their behaviour. Consciously or unconsciously we often wait for parents recognition of the pain they'd caused, believing that their acknowledgment was necessary for recovery. Its is ok grieve what you'd never received, process anger and sadness, and create new patterns of self-love entirely independent of our parents response. This realization can initially be heart-breaking but ultimately empowering—healing is yours to claim.
Learning to establish healthy boundaries with your caregiver can feel like betraying everything you'd been taught about being a "good child." Gentle but firm guidance can help in understanding that protecting your emotional well-being wasn't selfish but necessary for survival and growth. Sometimes people need to resort to limiting phone calls when they leave you drained, to avoid topics that triggered their criticism, and to leave family gatherings when they become toxic. Setting these boundaries initially can feel terrifying, but they create space for people to develop a relationship with parents based on what was actually possible rather than what we desperately wish for.
The most transformative lesson is often learning the nurturing, encouragement, and unconditional acceptance you'd never received. Exercises in self-mothering can feel strange at first—speaking to yourself with kindness, celebrating achievements, comforting yourself during difficult times. But gradually, you can develop an internal voice that offers the support and understanding that others couldn't provide. This often isn't about replacing our parents but about taking responsibility for your own emotional well-being. Now, when we face challenges or setbacks, we can instinctively offer ourselves the compassion and encouragement every child deserves, finally becoming the loving parent to yourself .
For anyone carrying the invisible weight of unloving or emotionally unavailable parents/caregivers, these courses offer not just understanding but hope; the possibility of breaking free from patterns that have shaped your life and stepping into the fullness of who you were always meant to be.
