02/02/2023
Early recovery is Fu**ing HARD! The substance goes, and we have to face the harsh reality: flesh backs from our past that we tried to blank out, the chaos that we left behind, the people that we hurt, the empty bank account, the empty shell that we are, hidden bottles, broken promises, our local off-licence, dealers' numbers in our phone, stolen money, lies, illnesses, memories of our children's face as they see us in our deepest dark hole, and all the overwhelming feelings that derives not only from what we have done, but from our craving bodies, that just cannot cope with it all.
And then, we try so hard to prove that we have changed, we are better people now, only to find that we are toying with the idea of another 'hit' that would bring on some fabricated temporary break, knowing full well how that would work out. No rest. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.
BUT! I want you to know, that things change: our body is forgiving and so are our real friends, family and children. Our body will learn to regulate all those overwhelming feelings. With empathy and love, we can forgive our shadows the unforgivable. We can forgive and free ourselves from the weight of resentment and anger for what people did to us. We can learn to love from the heart and find the joy within ourselves that no off-licence or dealer can deliver, and you will wake up the next day with the hangover of gratitude.