27/07/2025
The family and I are moving to Plymouth next month and it's always a bit sad to move away. Lots of things change whilst much remains the same and as I make my list of things to do it strikes me how desite every human being born as babies, and how infrequently people move, oddly, the world is organised to embrace moving house but not having a baby.
I have to call the council tax people, the electric, the insurance people, the NMC, the GMC, the ATP, the DVLA, HMRC, find a new GP, get prescriptions sorted for the crossover, get referrals made for my more exciting medical issues, find a new place to dispose of sharps, fund out the new recycling schedule and the world is organised where all I need do for most of these is fill out a form that takes less than 2 mins. The information is clear, easily available and in one place and contemporary.
Now imagine you have a baby that is "fussy" and spitting up a lot. You speak to the hv, gp, or midwife and "as long as they are gaining weight..." No one cares. How insane is that. How reductionist. How wilfully ignorant. Your household crumbles as everyone is exhausted as now all that apparently matters is weight gain. Adults diet suffers, blood pressure increases, hygiene deteriorating cleanliness of the house and shopping goes downhill.
All you seem to do is laundry and carry your 'fussy' baby. You buy anything that promises sleep. The Amazon man waves at you now. You feel like you are failing and your GP asks you if you are "a new mum", with a sympathetic face as if it's your first time riding the bus alone and you feel pathetic. You cry, it's too much, you're tired, you've followed all the advice, you've tried all the magic potions in the pharmacy that 'might work'. You've tried all the overexpensive formulas for hungry babies, lactose intolerant babies, dairy allergic babies, refluxy babies, you have spent a small fortune experimenting on your baby with anything you think could possibly make a positive difference. Every so often your baby smiles at you and you fiercely love that baby. You're scared to tell anyone you're sometimes convinced they made a mistake letting you take this wonderful child home because you are sure you are getting it all wrong.
Your GP doesn't know any better than you. Your GP wants you to feel better. They may consult The GP Infant Feeding Network (UK) | A Website to Assist Primary Care Practitioners with Best Practice in Infant Feeding https://share.google/T0nYgKyYwtmTGNnhk they may suggest you delegate more and try to get some rest but you can't bear to think of someone trying to settle your baby and just having to comfort them even more overtired, or possibly, whomever you delegate to could be more competent, further confirming your fears you aren't good enough!
Your GP may suggest antidepressants. Is this the first step in you being declared an unfit mum?
As a midwife, a psychologist, an IBCLC, I want children's centres back. I'm reminded back when I was training as a midwife reading about how la Leche league started and how a new Mum was sure she was doing it wrong and called. The LLL leader invited her round with the baby. Her kids were all older and from being welcomed in to the choas of a household with children running about and veing installed at the kitchen table with a cup of tea, laundry mid sorting, all the machines running and one of the children always seemingly asking a question, she looked around in awe.
Motherhood isn't the same for any two mothers but child development is constant, tiring and challenging. Babies can't see pastel colours. Cream carpets are stupid. Anything that can't go in the dishwasher or washing machine is going to have to toughen up to survive. They had a frank conversation about the lore of having children compared with the reality. And if you have a child with additional needs, this hits even harder. You never see a hoist or NGT tube in a toy advert or on the adverts for Disneyland do you?
Where are the experts? What is daft "woo" you should steer clear of? What is myofunctional therapy? Why is all the guidance propped up by charities not a cornerstone of what the government provides?
Resources – Birth To 5 Matters https://share.google/rQY20vEYlOhTld91t
The Pregnancy Book | HSC Public Health Agency https://share.google/zenbTnTkNtqD3UFCT
Birth to five | HSC Public Health Agency https://share.google/ykkth7dJCRa4EgUWX
Infant milks for parents & carers — First Steps Nutrition Trust https://share.google/F92N5HojCzPxez1Hw
Sling Pages - find your local sling resources to help your carry your baby! https://share.google/pWou45uLjCGbgCRHs
A Website to Assist Primary Care Practitioners with Best Practice in Infant Feeding
