New Moon Counselling

04/04/2024

How to stop a Panic Attack!
For those of you who have had a panic attack, you will know how terrifying it can be, from heart racing, chest pains, clammy hands, even your legs buckling it can be very frightening. The key thing with regular panic attacks is to know the signs of when it’s coming and take steps to get out of it before it takes hold.
Sometimes, due to circumstances we don’t always get that opportunity.
So, what can we do, my friends, let me introduce you to the FLOP!
This wonderful piece of advice was given to me by a pilot of all people, it was a technique used on people who had panic attacks on flights. It’s a simple mind trick.
Sit down and slump, flop like a rag doll, let your arms hang loosely and flop your head forward, the more you embrace this flop the better, feel the weight in your head, hands, and legs. Breathe in for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 6. (The breathing may take a while to slow but don’t worry the main thing is the FLOP.) Stay like this for 10 mins.
You will be surprised how fast this works, but where does it come from? You may have heard of the fight, flight, freeze response, this is another addition it's submission.
Have you ever seen dogs playing and one goes on their back, submitting, I’m not fighting! It’s a similar thing that we are doing. The reason it works is because of a chemical message to the brain, we are not fighting running away or freezing. This message tells our bodies to cut off the adrenaline supply now and that danger has passed. Hence why it takes 10 mins of the flop. We are tricking our bodies that we don’t need that adrenaline.
I have found this very helpful and hope that it may help another.

02/04/2024

I want to help but don’t know how?
Sometimes we see the people we love going through the worst times but don’t know how to help. If you’re reading this, you might have already been in this situation and felt helpless despite desperately caring. Sometimes it can come from not going through a similar experience, so it can make it hard to relate, alternatively it can be we just experience things differently and that’s ok too.
A good example of this is Anxiety. A woman was desperately struggling with anxiety when trying to explain it to her mother she was not getting anywhere, some of this was generational the mom had been part of the “well you just get on with it”. Generation.
The mom, seeing her daughter’s despair asked her what it feels like for her.
After giving it much thought, the daughter said “you know how it feels when you lose your phone mom and you have that panic, I feel like that all the time. So, from that if you ask me to make decisions or be around people I’m still in that original panic, so anything else feels stressful and overwhelming.
The mother could now understand a little of what her daughter was going through and now says the key words. “What is the best way for me to help?”
The daughter replied with” Please…
Don’t phone me all the time, just a text for now and I will call when I’m ready.
Don’t assume I am going to social/ family events at the moment. Be understanding of why I can’t.
Don’t turn up, if I feel overwhelmed, I may have gone to bed and don’t want to be judged if you turn up in the middle of the day and I’m in bed.
Don’t ask me lots of questions.
Most of all thank you for understanding my feelings and being there in the way that I need. I Love You”.
This gave the mom tools to help in a way that was comfortable and acknowledged that her mom cares and wants to help.
Please be advised this is an example many of us feel Anxiety in different ways and receive help in different ways.
This can be applied to people that are stressed, depressed and grieving.
Understand/ acknowledge the feeling and ask what is the way they want to be helped.
However, be prepared that some people don’t want to be helped at that moment or may not even understand their feelings yet. Don’t push be mindful that just because your ready to help the person they might not be receptive.
This is purely advice that might be helpful, I have personally found this helpful throughout my counselling career, but it isn’t a cure all for everyone.
Remember we are all wonderfully individual.

23/03/2024

Breathe For Calm

How often do we think about breathing, truth is we do it automatically don’t we! So often we don’t register how we are breathing. The power of how we breathe can have huge benefits on our body and mind.
If you’re stressed, anxious, feeling low, struggling to sleep, this simple exercise may help.
This is not a cure for anxiety, depression, insomnia, or stress but can help in the short term.
First, get comfortable whether sitting or lying down. Focus your mind on how you are breathing. How does it feel? Fast? Shallow? Deep? Holding tension anywhere? The shoulders, stomach, face?
Now whilst you are focusing on your breathing.
Breathe in for the count of 4.
Exhale for the count of six.
Repeat 5-10 times.
Now look at you’re breathing again, you should feel much calmer, repeat as needed.
This exercise does so much for the mind and body.
Including this exercise as part of your daily routine either during the day or even before bed can help reduce stress, anxiety, and even lower cortisol levels.

Breathe in the calm.

22/03/2024

Holding On
We often hold on!!!
We hold on to so much, to negative feelings, bad memories from our past, friends that are not real friends. Bitterness of bad relationships.
Sometimes when we are trying to move forward with our lives, we think that holding on makes us strong, like we are the better person or it defines us and makes us who we are. Or somehow, we deserve it? However, there comes a point when you look at that rope how does your hand look? sore, painful, tired. Ask yourself why I am staying with this pain. Does this serve me?
Now imagine letting go!
How freeing that feels, you deserve that feeling. Freedom. Ultimately this is your life and holding on is energy that could be invested in better things.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy and can go against the grain of your personality, it may even take time. Keep the visual of the rope in your head.
Let Go

12/03/2024

Hello everyone.
My sincere apologies for my lack of posts, due to a serious operation and recovery I have been unable to take any clients or maintain my profile.
I am happy to advise that I am back and booking clients. I look forward to hearing from you and sharing all aspects of counselling and mental health issues.
Kindest Regards
New Moon Counselling

23/06/2023

WHY CANT I FEEL AFTER BEREAVEMENT????

I often get asked "Why cant I feel my emotions like I used to?"
This can be experienced in various ways. If you won the lottery you wouldn't give a damn. Or being in a room full people and you force a smile that does not reach your eyes you feel like a fraud/imposter and come away thinking whats wrong with you. There is an emptiness a feeling of disconnect even brain fog.

When we are hit by grief our bodies literally dont know how to cope with physical and mental trauma. ( lets face it you dont get taught this in school and people dont talk about it because it can be seen as morbid or there is the fear of upsetting others).

If you think of the physical- Pain in your chest, Legs turning to Jelly, Memory loss, yes! this an actual thing that happens where did you put your keys? Complete brain black out no idea where they are!!!! ( I dont mind sharing with you a family member found mine in the fridge!!) Panic attacks, Extreme exhaustion. No appetite. Hyper sensitive to touch. Yes believe it or not at a time when you need a hug the most a hug can feel suffocating. (I will cover this in another post).

So if these things can all be happening physically think of what our mind is doing!!!!
Your brain goes into protect and survive mode, it knows that during times of distress it must focus on the basic things. Like breathe, Get dressed ,cook the children's, dinner, Go to work, Drive a car!
The truth is half the time these basic things are so hard to do, our brains dont have the capacity to entertain more than that at this time.
Things like laugh, smile, feel light hearted, concentrate for a long period of time, show affection. Our brains simply dont have the energy or cognitive ability to process intense grief and do more than the basic.
Another way of looking at it is if you broke your leg you would put a huge plater cast on it and everyone would see. Grief is a wound on the inside, no body can see, our brain is just trying to work out which type of plaster, stitches, bandage's it needs and this takes time.
Our bodies and mind are in shock. Your MIND and BODY is healing. You are not going mad, You haven't lost the plot, You are not failing. Your mind and body is trying to cope. I hope this will provide a small amount of peace and understanding to those that need this today. Much Love❤

16/06/2023

Guilty if I am not thinking about the person that I loved who died ??????

When we first lose someone we love, we cry hard. I call these tears Hard Tears. The heart ache which is like a real pain in your chest feels like its turned to stone. Sobbing that takes away all your energy its truly the worst pain. I wont go in to detail for triggering reasons but if you know you know. At the start every day and every week is like this.
Then come soft tears these are tears that dont take it out of us as much and the recovery is is quicker.
Then Boom Guilt !!!! When you catch yourself not thinking about the person. Am I a bad person? Does it mean people will think I didn't love them???. Whats wrong with me???
We then proceed to tear ourselves up in knots and a viscous cycle begins.

So how do you you get out of this? Now this might seem a little harsh but its not intended that way but bare this in mind if your in this cycle.
When the person was alive did you think about them every minute of every day??? NO.
Another example, I think of myself as a decent parent who is devoted to her child but realistically do I think about my child every minute of every of day? The answer is NO.
That doesn't mean I love my child any less or I am thought of as a bad parent. NO, but to work and do things I need to do I cant realistically think about my child constantly.

So if you are in the cycle give yourself permission to understand that you are aloud to have time as you would have done when they were alive not to think about them.

Would anyone have questioned this when they were alive your not thinking about your loved one all the time so your a bad person? Lets be realistic.
When they were alive it would seem weird and obsessive right.

Give yourself permission.

Please understand this is about managing your time and thoughts to a realistic and manageable level. This is in no way saying to stop missing the person because of course you wont. We miss terribly especially at certain points of the day, when we go to bed, parts of our daily routine e.t.c. its very hard.

This is just an alternative perspective to help stop the feelings of guilt. This has helped many of my clients stuck in guilt. I hope in reading this it may help to provide a small amount of peace if only for a moment for someone who needs it today. ❤

12/06/2023

Why Do We feel So much anger when we are grieving????????
When we think of loss we think of sadness, tears heart ache and heart pain. Outside looking in, it looks a bit insensitive feeling anger or that the emotion does not fit the trauma somehow. Or feeling's of guilt because there is anger which can often start an awful cycle of emotion. I often get asked "Where is my anger coming from? is this normal?
First of all yes it is normal. The anger is an emotion at your person not being in your life anymore. For example the plans we had when we retired, the wedding I had in my mind for you, the places we were going to visit, the grandchild you did not see. Its partly an anger at the loss of the life we/ you/ I was going to have. This is experienced as an injustice, its not fair, What am I meant to do now????? We dont just lose the person we lose the dreams for the future they were in. This can feel understandably unbearable.
For some- Its navigating through a world I dont understand I now have to depend on others or battle through myself. For others -Nobody gets me like you, I am alone.! How can nasty people make old bones and some of the most wonderful people are taken to early. Its not fair !!!!!! All the above is normal and the anger is part of grieving even the most mild mannered can experience anger as a direct response to bereavement.
We are humans with emotions and if you can relate to this you loved your person very much. The more hurt and emotion your feeling in this difficult time shows how much you loved, because if you didn't you would not feel !!!!!! !Some times its ok to take a little peace in that if only for a moment.❤️‍🩹

25/05/2023

What If ??? Have you ever found when your stressed how the "what ifs? grow? The more stressed we get the more our minds try to cope by the what if. This in fact is worry but its also a way of knowing we are stressed because our minds are trying to prep our bodies for every outcome!!!
The truth, whilst this a good measure of our stress level we have to take a moment and realise we have no control of the past or the future just this moment right now! As in this post I am typing is all I am controlling at this moment. Did you know that you will always react in the best way you now at that moment. All the worrying will not change this. Can you imagine what it feels like to stop the What If's? Now I am not saying this is easy and I am also guilty of this but every now and then re asses your what ifs. Trust yourself. Or even set a goal, this morning I will not what if and see how it feels? 😀 (its quite nice to give our minds a rest sometimes).

24/05/2023

Many of us struggle with bereavement. We all have heard the words it will get better in time or it will feel smaller. To many of us this feels like we are minamising the grief we feel. Which can feel like the value of the person is diminished. This feels like a betrayal to the memory when we have lost someone we love. This picture demonstrates that our grief, loss stays the same but we change as we learn to live and evolve without that person in our lives. ❤

Found on Google from www.rainbowhunting.co.uk