Flow Down Therapy, Solihull (2025)

15/08/2024

***"Flow Flash" - A metaphorical term to describe a quick moment of clarity or insight. ***

The three lines above are a condensed example, you may need to ask IF > THEN a few more times (there is no set amount).

When you have identified your hot thought, then discovered what the underlying belief may be, you can then put it on trial, AKA take your thought to court by seeking factual evidence FOR and AGAINST it, you can then use this evidence to find a more balanced rational thought.

Discovering the root core beliefs gives us an opportunity to recognise how our thinking affects our emotions and behaviours and allows us to develop more balanced perspectives.

Admittedly this can be a difficult task to do alone and is one which I often use in my practice with clients.

For more information check out my Private Practice here: https://www.flowdown.co.uk/

12/08/2024

Self-blame involves harshly criticising oneself for perceived mistakes, failures, or shortcomings, often leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem. In contrast, self-compassion offers a way to respond to these difficult emotions with kindness, understanding, and a balanced perspective.

A key component of self-compassion is mindfulness. When we are mindful, we are willing to face our pain and suffering and acknowledge it.

The RAIN mindfulness technique is a powerful practice in which you recognise your experience, allow it to be as it is, investigate it with curiosity, and nurture it with self-compassion. The RAIN acronym was coined by meditation teacher Michele McDonald and further developed by psychologist, Tara Brach.

The Four Steps of RAIN:

R - Recognise what is happening in the present moment consciously noticing the thoughts, emotions, or sensations that are arising within you. E.g., you might recognise that you are feeling anxious, frustrated, or sad. Pause and take note of your inner experience without judgment.

A - Allow it to be there without trying to change it, suppress it, or push it away. Allowing means giving yourself permission to experience your feelings or thoughts as they are. This step involves creating a mental space where your experience is acknowledged and accepted.

I – Investigate your experience with a sense of curiosity and openness. You might ask yourself questions like, "What is this feeling trying to tell me"? The goal is to understand the deeper layers of your experience, including the beliefs or unmet needs that may be underlying your emotions. Investigate with kindness, not with an intent to fix or analyse harshly.

N - Nurture yourself with self-compassion. This involves offering yourself kindness and care in response to the difficult emotion or situation. You might mentally offer words of reassurance, or simply acknowledge your struggle with compassion. The idea is to respond to your pain as you would to a close friend who is suffering, with warmth and understanding.

This practice can help us shift perspectives, heal emotionally, reduce shame and build resilience.

For counselling support > flowdown.co.uk

05/08/2024

Reframing thoughts is a crucial process in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) because our thoughts significantly influence our emotions, behaviours, and overall well-being.

How Reframing Works:

1. Identifying Negative Thoughts: The therapist and client work together to identify negative or distorted thoughts that contribute to the client's emotional distress. These thoughts are often automatic and can include cognitive distortions such as catastrophising, overgeneralisation, and black-and-white thinking.

2. Challenging the Thoughts: Once these negative thoughts are identified, the therapist helps the client challenge their validity. This involves examining the evidence for and against these thoughts and considering alternative interpretations.

3. Creating a New Perspective: The therapist guides the client in developing a new, more balanced way of thinking about the situation. This new perspective should be more realistic and less distressing than the original negative thought.

4. Practicing and Reinforcing: Clients are encouraged to practice this new way of thinking in their daily lives. Over time, reframing can help to change ingrained patterns of negative thinking, leading to more positive emotions and behaviours.

Benefits of Reframing:

*Reduces Anxiety and Depression: By changing negative thought patterns, reframing can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

*Improves Coping Skills: Clients develop healthier ways to cope with challenges and stress.

*Enhances Problem-Solving: A more balanced perspective can lead to more effective problem-solving strategies.

*Promotes Emotional Well-being: A positive shift in thinking can improve overall emotional health and resilience.

Reframing is essential for positive mental health and well-being as it transforms detrimental thought patterns into constructive ones.

For counselling and psychotherapy support, check out flowdown.co.uk

18/06/2024

Some types of therapy focus on the past, our traumas and difficulties that seem to be tethered to us which we carry with us from day to day. I agree with looking at these and discovering how we’re able to deal with the events that seem to hold us back from living a more meaningful life. I’m also a believer that having certain goals or ambitions is essential to our existence, but before we embark upon change, we should ask ourselves some deep questions.

Through my work (and personal experience) I appreciate how modern life does not lend itself to asking deep questions. The constant pressure of our responsibilities keeps us focused on today or tomorrow, this can lead us to becoming stuck. If this is the case, perhaps we could benefit from spending time looking at the seemingly less urgent yet more important questions.

One of the reasons we avoid these deep questions is because they can be incredibly difficult to answer and highly challenging and as most of our lives can be packed with responsibility, we may not even put time aside to consider them.

If we have an unclear sense of who we are, why we are, and what we really want out of life, we will tend to define ourselves by our context i.e., the job we do or the relationships we have. However, any changes in this context may be very unsettling for us.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Questions of Identity:
*What are my natural talents and strengths?
*What beliefs about myself limit me, which empower me?
*What can I change about myself? What do I need to accept?
*What drives me, fundamentally?

Questions of Purpose:
*What life goal would be deeply satisfying if I achieved it, and why?
*What does it mean to me to really live?
*What do I really, really want?
*What is my sense of mission, calling or vocation?
Once we gain a deeper understanding of who we are, including our talents, skills, passions, experiences, character traits, and sense of self, we will have a clearer vision of our purpose, what we can contribute to the world, and how we want to live our lives.

Considering therapy?
Web site > http://bit.ly/3GBFZdW
Counselling Directory > https://bit.ly/46Q2jLE

17/04/2024

One of the most useless pieces of advice anyone can give us, or that we can tell ourselves, is to “stop worrying about it”. When we try and push away these thoughts or distract ourselves from them it can offer some short-term relief, but what we leave in the mind will compound so in time these may increase in frequency and intensity.

What can we do about persistent worrying?

1. The first thing we need to know is that having worrisome thoughts is normal, they become an issue when we ‘fuse’ with them. Fusion occurs when you believe your mind's unhelpful stories so strongly that you fail to notice the reality of the situation. We need to be clear about what we are actually worrying about.

2. We need to know the cost of worrying. Typically, this includes not being present and understanding the disconnect from the present moment, any time we’re ruminating we’re not going to have space for anything potentially rewarding or fulfilling.

3. Consider being more pro-active with problem solving. Think how you could effectively deal with the issue, what action would you need to take, where could you get advice?

4. Identify the difference between worrying and taking care. Worrying may be dwelling on narratives about what may be wrong with your health, finances etc, taking care is related to action, exercising, spending less, saving, having goals, reaching out for support.

5. Know that the mind wants attention, and it will feed us scary stories. Allow the worries to come but be mindful not to buy into them as here we can get stuck. When the thoughts come in, welcome them, “ah, here’s the same old story once again”.

Taking effective action can be difficult, after all, habitual thinking is the result of many years of practice, so it’s not always easy to repeal. If you can’t take effective action, then try at least to be present and notice what you’re experiencing. There are mindful techniques which can be useful such as breathing techniques or meditation.

Further support:

You can check out my profile on my web site > http://bit.ly/3GBFZdW

Or here on my Counselling Directory page > https://bit.ly/46Q2jLE

03/04/2024

I work with clients across a broad range of common life issues such as anxiety disorders, depression, trauma-related issues, life transitions, loss and grief. I also have a keen interest in self-esteem and identity development (including life purpose), stress management, career issues and relationship dynamics. Through a tailored approach, I empower clients to cultivate resilience and create lasting positive change in their lives.

I offer a free phone/online assessment giving you the opportunity to meet me before committing to therapy.

I understand that each individual's experiences are unique, and I appreciate that taking the step towards therapy can be daunting, however, it is also an investment in your well-being.

The way I work will provide you with a safe therapeutic space for you to explore your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours via a range of therapeutic approaches including, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Psychodynamic, Person Centred, Solutions Focused and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

I work with clients in-person (B94) or remote (online/phone). For a free initial assessment please contact: hi@flowdown.co.uk

Counselling FAQs can be found here: www.flowdown.co.uk/faq

27/03/2024

Overgeneralising is one type of ‘thinking error’ or ‘cognitive distortion’ that humans experience. It happens when we take one piece of information or event and apply it to all future experiences. An example would be reaching for the milk in the fridge to make your morning coffee and dropping it on the floor, often we will think along the lines of “this is going to be a bad day”.

Within Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), there are tools available to help separate ourselves from the feelings which these cognitive distortions create. One tool is called ‘Decentring’ and is the idea that if we can choose to stand back from the feeling (i.e. the frustration of spilling the milk), we can create the ability to not buy into the emotional content of the feeling (i.e. this whole day will be bad) and see it as an individual ‘event’ rather than the overarching sure reality.

Overgeneralising takes one problem and inflates it into a bigger issue. Certain experiences, such as the breakdown of a relationship and the overgeneralisation of “I’ll never find a new partner” will also make it more likely that we won’t even bother looking for a partner again, as we believe if it has happened before, it will happen again so it’s safer to avoid trying.

In moments where you feel a rush of emotion based on one event, consider the following:

*Ask yourself what the costs and benefits are to think this way?
*Search for evidence to support your thought, i.e. what else has happened to support your belief that the day is ruined, is there any?
*Imagine you didn’t spill the milk, and someone else did and you observed it, would you tell them that their day will surely be bad?
*Would other people draw the same conclusions as you have?
*If you were having a great day and then spilt the milk, how would your thoughts differ?

Considering events in a different way can help us develop ‘meta-cognition’ which is the ability to appraise and monitor your thoughts.

Free counselling assessment calls can be booked online @ flowdown.co.uk

22/03/2024

The thoughts on the image are just a few typical examples of our self-talk. We have so many thoughts, literally thousands per day, and they tend to have a bias towards being negative and often go unchallenged.

In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) ‘Defusion’ is a key tool which people can use to stop thoughts cascading into rumination and anxiety. If we apply cognitive defusion techniques, these help us to develop psychological flexibility by identifying unhelpful thoughts and this allows us to see them merely as words inside our head.

A specific tool which we can use is to give your mind a name. Let’s say I was with a friend, and during a general conversation it would be fair to say that we may disagree on some things, it doesn’t have to be anything major, it could be something like what comedian we find funny, we can disagree and move on.

However, with our internal voice, we don’t usually feel like we have the option to disagree, so we often hear the self-talk and take these comments as true which in turn can affect our self-esteem and confidence.

If we name our mind, then we can create separation from it and be then more able to disagree with it.

The next time you have self-deprecating thoughts, you can simply respond with something like:

“Not helpful, Steve”!
“Oh hi Steve, thanks but no thanks”
“Steve, this is hindering rather than helping”

You can use any name you like for your mind, and you don’t need to challenge them out loud.

ACT is one of the approaches I use within my counselling practice. If you feel like you need support and would like to arrange a free assessment, please get in touch.

16/02/2024

In an earlier post on Humanistic Therapy I mentioned that Maslow’s work on human needs and motivation was an influence of Carl Roger’s work on Client Centred Therapy.

The pyramid below outlines stages in which we need to achieve in order to reach ‘Self Actualisation’ or in other words, our full potential. Humans need to work from the bottom up in stages i.e., if someone doesn’t have access to food (basic needs), they’re unlikely to be focussing on needs higher up such as their status (feelings of accomplishment).

The layers (bottom up):
1. Air, food, shelter, warmth, sleep
2. Protection, security, law, freedom from fear
3. Affection, love and belonginess
4. Achievement, independence, status and respect
5. Self-fulfilment, peak experiences and personal growth.

This is relevant to counselling because it identifies that a client must be willing and able to engage in the process, so their needs lower down on the pyramid would typically need to be met. While people may be moving towards the higher stages of growth, they can often be hampered by life events such as loss and illness.

Self actualizers typically display the follow characteristics:

*Tolerate uncertainty
*Accept themselves and others as they are
*Able to look at like objectively
*Spontaneous in thought and action
*Capable of deep appreciation of basic life experiences
*Establish deep satisfying relationships with a few people.

They demonstrate the following behaviours:

*Trying new things
*Evaluating experiences by listening to their own feelings
*Avoid game playing and being honest
*Taking responsibility and working hard
*Try to identify their defences and having the courage to give them up.

For those who feel they are ready to come to counselling, it is absolutely possible to overcome personal difficulties to achieve positive outcomes in life and one of the ways this can help someone is that it is an environment where clients receive empathy, acceptance and genuineness, which are key conditions for someone to grow emotionally.

Image Source: Wikipedia

16/02/2024

This post isn’t about what happens in the counselling room, it’s about what can happen when someone close to you reaches out for support. Often, we share sensitive personal issues or experiences with people close to us and we don’t set the expectation with them of what we need in return. It’s common for the person listening to offer advice or tell you what they would do, this can leave us feeling confused and unsure about the course of action, if any, which we should take.

A point on this, any time someone tells you what you should be doing, when you haven’t asked for them to specifically do this, be aware. When someone tells you what to do with your own personal circumstance, this is what THEY would do, not what you SHOULD do, remember that they may be missing a lot of the context (your feelings, past experiences, future expectations or outcomes) so it’s unrealistic for this to be right for you.

Tips if someone reaches out to you for support:

*Offer them a safe space and respect their privacy and don’t discuss this with others unless asked, unless they are at risk of harm (see below)
*Respect that this may be very difficult for them to front up and they may not have spoken about this issue previously with anyone,
*Unless they ask, don’t try and fix the issue for them, simply being there ‘holding’ space for them to explore what is going on for them is a powerful skill,
*Ask them “what do you need” or “how can I support you”?
*Simply by being there, it’s likely they feel less alone, don’t be scared of silence, what you are offering is connection which is fundamental to our wellbeing,
*If you can, consider going for a walk with them, being out in the open can help as it gets them out of their environment,
*Suggest further support for them, GP, counselling or different types of therapy or even a crisis centre via NHS online if they are in danger of seriously harming themselves or others.
*Offer empathy, kindness, curiosity about the issue they are facing.

IMPORTANT – as the listener, have your own boundaries which protect your own needs, you’re likely to have your own issues so be mindful of taking on too much from another person.

For professional counselling support > flowdown.co.uk

16/02/2024

This model is based on the work of Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American Psychiatrist and a pioneer in near-death studies.

5 key stages of loss:

Denial
After experience loss it’s common for people to carry on as if nothing has happened. It can be hard to make sense of life and we’re likely in a state of shock, but the healing process starts here.

Anger
We can internalise feelings of anger and berate ourselves for not doing things we perhaps could have done when the person was alive. In some cases, we may feel anger towards the person that has died, and feelings of abandonment may also surface.

Bargaining
In this stage we may think of things we could have done differently before the person died, i.e., "If only I had done…X Y Z”, this is known as ‘retrospective bargaining’. We ruminate about the ‘what if’s’, and focus on going back in time in the hope that it would prevent the loss.

Depression
If bargaining focusses on the past, depression is very much a present feeling. These feelings are intense and can come in waves and in these times life can seem like it has lost meaning. It’s normal for this to feel as though it will last forever.

Acceptance
This stage is about learning to adjust to what seems like a new life while still being able to hold the memories of the one(s) we have lost. This isn’t to say that loss is ever ‘OK’, but we can learn to live with it. It is possible to enjoy our future without feeling like we are betraying the one who we have lost.

Some do not always experience all stages and at times they may even regress back into some of the previous stages. The model is adaptable to anything which you have lost that you had a connection with.

I work with many client’s who need support with loss, grief and bereavement. This is a common life event for many, and therapy can help understand and explore these emotions, and the ways to eventually adapt to a new way of living. Counselling is a space to air the most painful feelings which in many cases reduces the distress. We’ll never forget what we have lost but in time we’re able to grow and develop around the loss.

Contact me for support.

16/02/2024

I’ve always valued this quote from Rogers, not only does he state the benefit of therapy with someone who can really ‘hold’ you with unconditional regard, but he also accepts that there are fundamental reasons why we do not allow ourselves to fully experience.

I get it, why do we want to re-live the resounding feeling of familiar pain, the common paths we know which we don’t want to go down again, the mistakes, the external expectations, the same conflicts and so on.

All of these experiences shape our being and a lot of the time their impact goes unnoticed. The key to change is awareness and a large bearing on how we feel is our perception of our reality and here we have a choice. We choose how we’ll look at things and we choose to give situations our perspective.

As Ryan Holliday states in the ‘The Obstacle is the Way’:

“Take what you’re afraid of—and break it apart”.

This is challenging, yet rewarding, and can all be done in the safety of therapy.

Flow Down Therapy

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