Carla Devereux

04/09/2025

Do you ever feel like a chameleon, shifting to fit every environment you step into?

At work: strategic and diplomatic.
At home: nurturing and reliable.
In social settings: warm and witty.

This constant adaptation often isn’t about confidence. It’s about fear.

👉 Fear of rejection.
👉 Fear of failure.
👉 Fear that if people saw the real, raw, messy you, they’d step back and suggest you 'try harder.'

When your worth is tied only to performance, you’ll never be able to rest because there will always be something left to prove.

True confidence begins when we stop performing and start showing up as ourselves.

Full article https://buff.ly/jQiJ4iv

31/08/2025

Busy leaders know that it’s the small stitches that hold everything together.

One of my favourite “Nana roles” is being asked to sew my granddaughter's Girl Guide badges onto the blanket.

It’s simple, grounding, and a reminder that leadership starts at a young age, from taking the initiative to embrace a challenge, working as a team with others and leading by example.

It’s not only about the big decisions, it’s also about the small, consistent acts of care that help others grow:

Making space for the next generation.
Celebrating progress, no matter how small.
Stitching together support systems that last.

Whether in the boardroom or at the sewing table, leadership is about leaving something more substantial, more connected, and more resilient than you found it.

And sometimes… that starts with a needle and thread.

28/08/2025

If the Comparison Game were an Olympic sport, women would get gold every time.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

There will always be someone ahead of us.

More successful. More confident. More photogenic. Maybe even able to negotiate a pay rise and whip up a perfect risotto in the same afternoon.

Social media, with its endless stream of triumphant life updates, is practically engineered to make you feel like you’re underachieving, even while holding a full-time role, running a household and remembering birthdays.

It’s worth remembering that just as there are people ahead of you in one area, there are also plenty of people behind you in ability, experience and confidence.

Instead of measuring yourself against the infinite scroll of others’ lives, focus on your own path. Your own desires. Your own delightfully flawed humanity.

You are doing more than enough.

How do you stop comparing yourself to others?

Full article https://buff.ly/jQiJ4iv

21/08/2025

Who Are You, Really?

Do you know who you are, separate from what you do?

We’re so used to identifying ourselves by roles and results that we rarely pause to consider the person beneath the polished surface.

Deep down, most of us long to be accepted not for what we do, but for who we are. To be valued when we’re not impressive. To be acknowledged when we’re not winning. To be seen when we’re not performing.

But because we’ve spent decades proving, achieving, adapting, it feels risky to reveal that part. So, we hide behind busy calendars, big projects, and humblebrags. All in the hope that someone will say, you’re enough, before we dare to say it to ourselves.

What strategies do you hide behind?

Full article https://buff.ly/wRC6RBz

When asked ‘how are you?’ do you reply with a casual ‘Busy’ as if that’s not just a schedule but an identity? Many women in leadership, highly capable, impressively polished, and almost always tired, are quietly wondering why, despite the accolades, the corner office, and the expertly jugg...

14/08/2025

Unmasking Without Melting Down

Peeling back layers isn’t about recklessness; it’s about creating room for authenticity. It’s about letting go of the need to be perfect and allowing yourself to be real. Because true strength, especially in leadership, doesn’t come from never cracking. It comes from knowing your own limits, setting boundaries, and trusting that the right people will respect you more, not less, for your honesty.

Next time you find yourself armouring up for another day of heroic leadership, ask yourself:

What would happen if I showed up just 5% more as myself?

Full article https://buff.ly/XkaMP76

07/08/2025

The Chameleon Conundrum

From an early age, many women are socialised to be adaptable. We are taught to read a room, smooth feathers and blend in, as well as being told to ‘just be yourself.’ A particularly unhelpful instruction when your ‘self’ has been trained to anticipate everyone else’s needs before your own.

Fast-forward a few decades and you’re in a senior role, juggling influence, inclusion, integrity, and incident reports, all while trying not to scream into a pillow or in the car on the school run while listening to a podcast on mindful parenting.

This flexibility and ability to shift, to morph, to meet expectations, has served you well. It’s likely earned you respect, promotions, a reputation for reliability, and probably the unofficial title of ‘the one who can handle it.’

But like all survival mechanisms, it comes at a price. Our ‘adapted selves’, the ones who show up to meet expectations, often become permanent residents, crowding out the strange, wonderful, curious creature we were before life handed us a performance evaluation.

Remember that version of you?

The one who used to belt out Beyoncé in the mirror, who had big ideas, big opinions, and even bigger ambition?

She might be a little startled by your calendar these days. All those quick catch-ups, 1:1s, networking breakfasts, or ‘important’ WhatsApps, and still somehow no time to think about who you really are beneath the deliverables.

Full article https://buff.ly/XkaMP76

31/07/2025

The Masked Women in Leadership

Behind every accomplished woman in leadership is a collection of carefully curated selves. You’ve got the PowerPoint self, the empathetic-yet-decisive-boss self, the good-friend-partner-daughter-parent self, and perhaps, lurking somewhere under all of these, your actual self. The unfiltered you who occasionally wonders if a life of endless meetings and managing everyone’s expectations is really the goal.

Think of yourself as a kind of emotional mille-feuille – a French pastry of professional poise, maternal instinct, strategic brilliance, casual genius, slightly-too-loud laugh at team drinks and a private meltdown in aisle three of Sainsbury’s. All of it layered, deliciously confusing, and expertly crafted over the years.

Do you know who you are beneath the topcoat of competence?

Full article https://buff.ly/XkaMP76

Behind every accomplished woman in leadership is a collection of carefully curated selves. You’ve got the PowerPoint self, the empathetic-yet-decisive-boss self, the good-friend-partner-daughter-parent self, and perhaps, lurking somewhere under all of these, your actual self. The unfiltered you wh...

24/07/2025

Shame and Dignity

Every human being on this planet, man, woman, non-binary, comes from a woman who bleeds (or once did).

Whether via natural conception, IVF, egg donation, or surrogacy, there is a menstrual cycle in the story somewhere.

A womb. A body that stretched, changed, and gave. So why the shame?

The answer lies in what happens after birth. Not the act of being born, but what you’re born into. Your family’s values, cultural messages, and social conditioning.

What you witness, what you absorb.

Were emotions welcomed or suppressed? Was conflict modelled constructively or swept under the rug? Was vulnerability a strength or a weakness?

If we grow up in homes that are nurturing, supportive, and emotionally attuned, we learn that we have the right to be seen and heard.

But if the environment is cold, chaotic, critical, or emotionally absent, we learn instead to hide our feelings.

We push ourselves harder. We fear not being good enough. We say “yes” when every cell in our body screams “no,” and we call it professionalism.

In the workplace, this plays out in countless ways. Unconscious bias. Self-sabotage. The polished but perpetually exhausted woman in the corner office who doubts her every word. The brilliant intern who won’t speak up. The middle manager who fears showing vulnerability because she thinks it’s weakness, not wisdom.

The recent tampon incident wasn’t just an outrageous act by one man. It was a symbol of how far we still have to go, and of how often women are expected to carry not only our own professionalism, but the dignity of others, too.

Full article https://buff.ly/MJFY1Dd

17/07/2025

Shame is acquired

I had my first period at 11 years old. I woke up with blood between my legs and a sense of dread. My mother walked in, delivered a perfunctory explanation and left the room.

The 1970s weren’t exactly the era of open and healthy conversations about womanhood. Our sanitary products were closer in design to sleeping bags than today’s sleek, paper-thin options. Giant pads with loops at each end, fixed to a belt you wore like a secret shame under your clothes.

Years passed. The shame lingered, never explicit, always implied. Periods were something to manage privately, discreetly. Don’t talk about it. Don’t leak. Don’t complain. Just cope.

It wasn’t until perimenopause barged into my life that things truly came undone. The bleeding became heavier, more erratic, utterly unmanageable at times.

There was one occasion etched in my memory with embarrassing clarity when I stood up to see a male client out and felt a sudden warm flood rush down both legs. It filled my shoes. It puddled on the floor. There was no hiding it, no escape hatch.

Just shame, immediate, total, overwhelming. Then something shifted.

I started to question why I felt humiliated for something so profoundly human. Why had I, like so many others, absorbed the message that to be a woman was to manage quietly, stoically, and in silence?

Menstrual cycles and menopause carry the unconscious weight of family and social conditioning passed down through generations.

Change can only happen when we own our voice and break away from early childhood conditioning.

Full article https://buff.ly/MJFY1Dd

11/07/2025

🩸 When a man threw a tampon during a debate, I didn’t expect it to trigger a deep personal reckoning. But it did.

From adolescent shame in 1970s to a workplace incident I’ll never forget, this article explores how unconscious conditioning around menstruation and womanhood still shapes our experiences and our leadership.

👇 Full article may contain details some readers may find distressing.
https://www.asatoma.org/tampons-shame-and-the-shifting-ground-beneath-our-heels/

The recent incident involving an American male pundit, who threw a tampon at a female colleague mid-debate with all the finesse of a misfired pub dart, left me feeling gobsmacked. Shock turned quickly to outrage, and then, after I calmed down, to self-reflection. What would I have done if it…

05/03/2025

Why do so many women believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness?

Women carry a heavy load of expectations, both self-imposed and societal. There's a belief that asking for help signals weakness or incompetence.

Many women hesitate to ask for help because they fear being perceived as:

• Not good enough
• Not capable
• A burden
• Feeling unworthy compared to others who seem to have it all together
• A fraud, as though we’re hiding behind a mask of competence
• Exposed, vulnerable, and at risk of judgment

Women grow up expecting to be the giver – helpful, supportive, caring and considerate of others. It feels unnatural to ask for help when you're taught to be the one giving it.

It takes courage and self-awareness to acknowledge your need and ask for help.

Reaching out allows you to learn, grow, and build connections that make you stronger. It’s a sign of strength, resilience, and self-care.

For more on stepping into your power, check out The Courage to be a Woman https://buff.ly/49c6Qd2

27/02/2025

🌸 HOW OFTEN DO YOU PUT YOURSELF SECOND, LADIES?

How many times have you:

Held back your voice when you had something to say?
Waited for the “right time,” only for it to pass you by?
Given up your time to prioritise someone else’s needs?
Chosen to ignore your own desires or boundaries?
Said “Yes” when deep down you felt “No”?
Stayed silent when your truth needed to be spoken?

As women, we often get caught in the cycle of putting others first, whether at home, at work, or in relationships. We’re taught to be caregivers, to nurture, to say yes, to be accommodating — sometimes to the detriment of our own well-being.

But it doesn’t have to be this way — Every time we catch ourselves in these moments, we have the opportunity to shift, to choose ourselves and make space for our own needs, voice, and boundaries.

✨ Take a moment this week to reflect on your own needs and notice what changes.

The Courage to be a Woman https://buff.ly/49c6Qd2