Shoshen Holistic Healing

31/08/2025

16/08/2025

✨ Day 4: Overcommitting & Burning Out

💭 Showed Up As:
Saying yes to everything. Overloading my plate. Taking on more than I could handle, then resenting it later.

🔍 Where It Came From:
When you grow up feeling like you have to earn your place, rest feels unsafe. I thought my value came from what I could do for people, not who I was. If I wasn’t endlessly useful, I feared I’d be replaced.

🌱 How I’ve Been Unlearning It:
Checking in before I agree to anything: Do I actually have the energy for this? Am I saying yes from joy, or from fear of disappointing someone? Reminding myself that boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re self-respect.

💡 What I Know Now:
I don’t have to exhaust myself to be worthy. People who love me will still love me when I’m rested.

Love,
Gaynor x 💛

15/08/2025

✨ Day 3: Picking Fights When Things Feel Too Good

💭 Showed Up As:
Nitpicking tiny things. Reading between the lines when there’s nothing there. Starting pointless arguments because calm felt… suspicious.

🔍 Where It Came From:
When your nervous system has been trained on chaos, peace feels like a threat. My brain learned early on that love could switch off without warning, so I’d test it. Push. Prod. See if they’d still stay when I made things messy. It was protection disguised as drama.

🌱 How I’ve Been Unlearning It:
Pausing before reacting to the “urge.” Asking myself, is this about now, or is this my past speaking? Learning to let safety feel safe, not boring or dangerous. Communicating when I’m feeling anxious instead of creating a storm to match it.

💡 What I Know Now:
Not every calm season needs to be interrupted. Some things really are as good as they seem, it’s my job to let them be.

Love,
Gaynor x 💛

15/08/2025

Last gym session before I climb my first wainwright on Monday 💪🏻
Now time to rest these little legs of mine

13/08/2025

✨ Day 2: Overcommitting Until I Burn Out

💭 Showed Up As:
Saying yes to everything, work, favours, events, emotional support, until I was running on fumes. Then cancelling, disappearing, or resenting everyone because I had nothing left to give.

🔍 Where It Came From:
As a kid, I felt like I had to prove my worth by being useful, helpful, or “on” all the time. ADHD made me swing between hyperfocus (saying yes because I felt unstoppable) and complete shutdown (when I realised I was drowning). Add anxious attachment into the mix, and I was terrified that saying no would mean losing people.

🌱 How I’ve Been Unlearning It:
Pausing before I agree to anything. Asking myself, “Do I want to do this, or do I feel like I should?” Practising the awkward, uncomfortable “No, I can’t” without over-explaining. Learning that my value isn’t in how much I do for others, it’s in who I am when I’m rested, regulated, and present.

💡 What I Know Now:
Burning myself out doesn’t make me more loveable, it makes me disappear from my own life. Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re doorways that let the right things in without draining me dry.

Love,
Gaynor x 💛

11/08/2025

✨ Day 1: Pushing Away What I Actually Want

💭 Showed Up As:
Convincing myself I didn’t really want something (or someone) when it started to feel too good… or too close. Pretending I was fine on my own. Finding reasons it “wouldn’t work anyway.”

🔍 Where It Came From:
Years of disappointment taught me that hope can hurt. Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD, I was used to people misunderstanding me or losing patience. In relationships, I learned to leave before I could be left. My nervous system made safety mean distance, if I didn’t let myself get too invested, I couldn’t be blindsided.

🌱 How I’ve Been Unlearning It:
Noticing when my brain starts scanning for flaws or imagining worst-case scenarios. Letting myself sit in the discomfort of being cared for without “earning it” or pre-empting rejection. Saying out loud (even if only to myself): “This feels scary because it matters.”

💡 What I Know Now:
Pushing away what I want doesn’t protect me, it starves me. Fear makes connection feel dangerous, but it’s actually where healing happens. I don’t have to slam the door to stay safe. I can open it slowly, and stand in the doorway until I’m ready.

⸻

Love,
Gaynor x 💛

07/08/2025

🌀 Day 4: The Pattern of Self-Sabotaging Peace

For a long time, I thought I wanted calm.
Peace.
Stability.

But when I finally got it?
It didn’t feel peaceful at all.
It felt… uncomfortable.

So I’d stir things up.
Overthink a text. Create an argument in my head.
Push buttons. Find problems.
Anything to shake the stillness.

It wasn’t that I liked the chaos.
It’s that calm didn’t feel safe.

⸻

Where it came from:

When you grow up in unpredictable environments —
where moods shifted suddenly or you always felt braced for impact —
your body wires itself for high alert.

That constant hum of tension becomes your normal.
So when life finally slows down?
Your nervous system panics.
It searches for the “danger” it’s used to preparing for.
And if it can’t find it… it creates it.

That’s not dysfunction.
That’s patterning.

⸻

How I’m starting to rewrite it:

Now, I’m learning that peace isn’t a setup, it’s safety.
That stillness doesn’t mean something bad is coming.

When my body itches for chaos, I pause.
I name it. I breathe.
I remind myself:
✨ This quiet isn’t danger.
✨ It’s what I’ve been craving.
✨ And I deserve to feel at home in it.

It’s uncomfortable.
But little by little, I’m teaching my body that peace doesn’t need to be chased, sabotaged, or earned.
It can just be received.

⸻

If you know this pattern too, please hear me:
There’s nothing wrong with you.
Your body is just used to surviving.
But you’re allowed to let yourself live.

Much love,
Gaynor x

06/08/2025

🌀 Day 3: The Pattern of Saying Yes to Avoid Guilt

“I don’t mind.”
“It’s no trouble.”
“Honestly, it’s fine.”

Except it wasn’t fine.
And I did mind.

But I said yes anyway.
To babysitting when I was exhausted.
To social plans I didn’t want.
To emotional labour I didn’t have the capacity for.

Why?
Because saying no made me feel guilty.
And guilt, for me, felt unbearable.

⸻

Where it came from:

When you grow up feeling responsible for other people’s emotions,
you learn that your “no” has consequences.
That it makes people upset, disappointed, or even angry.

So you teach yourself to be easygoing. Accommodating.
To go along with what others need.
Because their happiness feels more important than your peace.

You convince yourself: If I keep them happy, I’ll stay safe.
But safe quickly becomes self-abandoned.

⸻

How I’m starting to rewrite it:

Now, I’m learning that no isn’t mean, it’s honest.
That someone’s disappointment doesn’t mean I’ve done something wrong.
That guilt is a feeling, not a fact.

I try to pause before I answer,
check in with what I actually want,
and give myself permission to put my needs first.

It’s awkward sometimes.
My voice still shakes.
But I’m learning that boundaries don’t make me selfish, they make me real.

⸻

If you’re stuck in this pattern too, here’s your reminder:
You don’t owe anyone a yes that costs you your peace.
You’re allowed to protect your energy, even if it makes someone else uncomfortable.

Much love,
Gaynor x