08/04/2025
I hear lots of therapists on Insta promoting the concept of forgiveness being the key to all healing.
Whilst evidence suggests forgiveness can be a powerful force therapeutically (think - holding onto anger for someone else only hurts you, not them )
Here’s why you won’t hear me telling my clients they NEED to forgive in order to heal 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
❤️🩹 Telling a person who has experienced trauma that they NEED to forgive, has the potential to invalidate, minimalise, and even condone what happened in their eyes
❤️🩹 I’m all for forgiveness In some circumstances, we all f**k up right? but Let’s be real…some things are going to feel unforgivable
❤️🩹Only YOU can decide whether forgiveness is even within the realms of possibly within the framework of your life.
❤️🩹 Where there is complex trauma, as a response to childhood abuse for example, we often internalise misplaced feelings of shame and guilt. Being pressured to forgive, may lead us to relive times we were made to “forgive” or excuse bad behaviour in the past. And / or lead us to feel we are a “bad” person for being unable to do so, which only adds to those feelings of guilt & shame
❤️🩹 Sometimes we may actually want to forgive on a conscious level, but feel physically unable to, as it feels unsafe in our body or like we are somehow “ok” with what happened
❤️🩹 There are many ways we can process trauma in therapy without having to forgive anyone (unless you want to of course!)
