13/11/2025
Our guide to the questions you should ask when looking for a care home for your loved one. We know how daunting and emotionally draining it is when you first start looking for a care home, after all it is probably the first time you have had to do so, and you are probably looking for your Mum or Dad, so you want to make sure you get it right. I posted the below response, which a lot of people seemed to find useful, so we thought we would share it on our page.
I have slightly reworked and expanded this from my original Facebook post, but these are my thoughts after more than 20 years of running White Lodge Care Home. In my opinion these are the important issues you should be considering when looking for a care home for your loved one;
1. I noticed that a lot of people were happy to recommend the care home where their loved one had been staying, after all most people have limited experience of care homes, we tend to only get involved with a care home when our Mum or Dad needs it. This means that, locally at least, the quality of care is generally very good, and people are happy to recommend the care home where their parent was. This is obviously a positive thing.
2. When choosing a Care Home you have to remember that they are all very different, so it will be down to you and your Mum or Dad to decide what will work best for them. Some care homes are like big, beautiful hotels and some are smaller and more homely (Like us), you know your loved one, so you know what they would prefer. This is not a one-size fits all type of a situation.
3. For me the single most important factor when selecting a care home is the staff. I would talk to them as you are being shown around and ask them questions. How long have they worked here? Keep in mind “How the staff interacting with the residents?” And not necessarily only the care staff. Also try and think about other questions, how did the home feel when you walked in? How long has the Manager been in place? And of course, most importantly, are the staff caring?
The Registered Manager sets the tone for the whole home, so personally I would want to meet them. This might not always be possible in larger homes, or if they are on annual leave, however I would try my upmost to do so.
4. People don’t necessarily like to think or talk about this, but you really need to think about your loved one’s finances. Supplying 24-hour care is very expensive, most people are surprised at the cost, but I can tell you in our case more than 70% of our fees go straight back out on staff wages.
You need to think about what happens if/when your loved one’s finances run out? Will the care home take the Social Services fee rate? Which is generally lower than private fees. If not, once your loved one’s money runs out, you may have to move them, which is far from ideal, particularly if your loved one has dementia (NB Moving homes for someone who lives with dementia often results in a negative impact and a deterioration in their memory).
At White Lodge Care Home we have an agreement with Southampton City Council and Hampshire County Council and we have worked very closely with both of them throughout my entire time at White Lodge, and have many clients funded by both of these councils. If your relative is privately funded, you should ask a prospective home will they take Social Services rates when their finances run out? Even if your relative has a significant amount of finances, care home fees can eat into this quite quickly. The whole area of finances, Social Services funding, capital depletion, 12-week disregards is very complicated…. SCC & HCC use a lot of jargon, and they are not particularly good at explaining how the system works to families, so please feel free to call us and we will be happy to help you navigate this minefield, and what all these phrases mean.
5. Location is very important when choosing a care home, if you are situated in the Portswood or SO14 area, I would strongly suggest starting their search in Portswood area. Other areas of Southampton may only be a 10-15 minute drive down the road, but that’s a half hour round trip, so if all of a sudden you have a spare thirty minutes and you want to pop in and see Mum for a cup of tea, that would make this impossible. Try and think about when you would like to visit your Mum or Dad. Maybe closer to your place of work is better? Do you drive? If not, is the care home on an easy bus route for you to get to? These nare all things you should keep in mind
Situations change, both for you and your loved one, so I strongly recommend you start you search as locally as possible, and then if you aren’t happy with those options, look further afield.
I hope this helps you to find the right care setting for your loved one and please feel free to get in contact if you have any further queries about anything.
Dominic Foot.
Director, White Lodge Rest Home
