25/04/2026
If I hear them speaking unkindly to themselves I say (with feeling):
‘Please don’t talk about my son like that’
Why does it work so well?
We tend to be pretty good at raising our kids to be kind to others, but sometimes we miss the opportunity to remind and model to them how to be kind to themselves.
Negative self talk in kids might sound something like:
-I’m rubbish at drawing
-I’m so stupid!
-My hair looks horrible
-I hate myself
It can be quite activating as a parent or carer to hear our kids speak like this about themselves, and the temptation can be to shut it down by saying something like ‘don’t say things like that!’
It’s important to acknowledge that what they’re feeling is really heavy, and if we try to deny it, chances are they won’t listen or believe us.
‘Don’t talk about my kid like that’ reminds children that they probably wouldn’t speak about their friends in this way. It helps them to take a step back, and it reminds the, that we care about them and wouldn’t let anyone else talk to them like that.
It can be helpful to follow up with something like: ‘I think you’re letting me know that you’re feeling really frustrated/hopeless/disappointed’ so we acknowledge and validate their feelings too.
The best thing about this tip? It works for grown ups too, and we can even use it on ourselves to redirect our own negative self talk.
What do you think about this tip? Would it work for your kids?
