05/01/2024
💖😄It’s Feminine Friday💪🎉 Time to talk about boundaries!
Setting boundaries is like creating a protective bubble around yourself, a space where your needs, feelings, and values take center stage. It's an act of self-love, a way to honor your emotional and physical limits. For me, learning to set boundaries has been transformative - it's about recognizing my worth and giving myself permission to say “No” when it’s necessary. It's not just a matter of self-preservation; it's a way of fostering deeper, more authentic connections with others and the right kind of people for you. When I communicate my boundaries, I'm not closing myself off; I'm inviting appreciation and understanding into my life. Boundaries are my way of ensuring that my relationships, whether personal or professional, are built on a foundation of mutual respect, creating a space where I can thrive while still being connected to those around me.
*Self-Reflection:
Take some time to reflect on your needs, values, and priorities. Make a list & ask yourself what is truly important to you in different areas of your life, such as relationships, work, and personal time. This self-awareness will form the foundation for setting meaningful boundaries. Number them in order of priority if this helps you to get clarity on your needs.
*Identify Your Limits:
Then, make another list of situations or the kind of behaviours towards you, that make you feel uncomfortable or stressed. Recognizing your limits is essential for setting your boundaries. It could be anything from the amount of work you take on to how much time you spend with certain people or things like hearing someone speak in sarcastic or condescending ways. Note down the situation, the person it involves & the feelings that come up due to this.
*Practice Saying “No”:
Understandably this can often be the hardest part, but saying "no" is a powerful way to set up your boundaries. Practice saying it in an assertive way but remaining polite no matter the situation. You can do this in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend, you can write it on post-it notes and place them around your home as a reminder, or even create your own voice recording “mantras”. There are many different ways & the voice recording is definitely one of my favourites, because each time you listen to a previous recording (of the same sentence) you can HEAR the change of your tone, gradually gaining confidence. Realising how your voice changes with confidence also act as an extra boost to your confidence. The more comfortable you become with saying no, the easier it will be to set boundaries. Or see it from the flip side, by saying “no” to others, you’re allowing yourself to say ”Yes” to yourself and your needs!
*Communicate Clearly:
Work on expressing your needs and boundaries clearly and directly. Practice using "I" statements to communicate how you feel and what you need. For example, say, "I need some time alone right now" rather than "You always make me feel overwhelmed." Or “I prefer to work on my education for the next hour” instead of “Why do you think it’s ok for me to drop everything and jump when you say so?”
*Role-Playing Scenarios:
When talking about your boundaries on paper is relatively straightforward, actually being in a scenario where you’re needing to demonstrate them, can be much trickier, especially at first - and that’s perfectly ok! Enlist a friend or family member to help you role-play different scenarios where you might need to set or exact your boundaries. This will help you become more confident and prepared for real-life situations. Plus it is a good laugh & will show you what boundaries you have nailed down and which ones you need to work on a bit more. Practice makes perfect, right?
*Set Small, Gradual Boundaries:
Start with setting small boundaries and gradually work your way up. This could be as simple as selecting a specific time for self-care each day or letting someone know you need some quiet time. Even if you have young kids, stick to this new routine for yourself. Kids are generally fast learners and by explaining your needs to them (in an age appropriate way) they will also foster a healthy relationship for themselves with their own needs. It’s a win-win!
*Learn to Delegate:
Don’t turn yourself into a martyr (the victim state) if you're someone who tends to take on waay too much, and only putting your own needs second to last on that list! Practice delegating tasks or talking to your family/partner/kids about how you would like things like chores to be split up for example. This not only helps you to manage your workload but also communicates to others that you have your own limits and that it’s not ok for to exhaust yourself.
*Take Breaks:
Who of you is a bit of a work-aholic (like me lol)? Set yourself at least 3-5x reminders or alarms on your phone (they all have a widget installed for that!) and practice taking breaks as and when you need them. These breaks can be as short as 5 minutes to centre yourself, whether it's during a busy workday or social gathering. Use this time to recharge and check in with yourself or visit you imaginary “safe space” in times of stress and overwhelm.
*Evaluate Relationships:
Now this is a critical aspect that all of us have to go through. Assessing your relationships, no matter who or what that person means/meant to us, makes all the difference of growing and evolving into that person who is practicing self-care and has a healthy mindset, with their own best interests at heart. Identifying those who do not have this level of respect, caring or integrity, where you may need to establish or reinforce boundaries, is therefore important. Consider the dynamics and communication styles that are healthy or unhealthy for you and if you’re not sure if a particular way is “wrong-ish” ask a friend, or maybe even sit with how that makes you feel. I use the practice of comparing here. If you think of something that you absolutely love, note where you feel this in your body. Then do the same with something you really hate (ie a food) and notice that it’s in a different place inside your body. Then think of what the thing you needed clarity on and see where this shows up.
*Celebrate Successes:
We don’t tend to validate ourselves enough or are likely to play it down. Therefore it’s also very important to acknowledge and celebrate your successes in setting and maintaining boundaries. This positive reinforcement will encourage you to continue prioritizing your well-being.
Remember, that setting boundaries is an ongoing process, and it's okay to reassess and adjust them as needed. Consistent practice will help you build confidence in asserting your needs, maintaining healthier and more balanced relationships.
You’ve got this! 😄🎉
