Two Trees Birth & Doula Services

Two Trees Birth & Doula Services Birth and Postnatal Doula covering Greater Manchester & Cheshire.

Since the birth of my three children, I have developed a passion for supporting parents through pregnancy and birth, as well as helping out in the early days with their new baby.

Good tips from Stockport Birth Services!"It can be overwhelming trying to work out what you need and what you don’t need...
10/12/2019

Good tips from Stockport Birth Services!

"It can be overwhelming trying to work out what you need and what you don’t need when you’re having your first baby. It’s almost always the case that your list gets smaller the more babies you have!

I’ve narrowed it down to 5 categories (and if you’re breastfeeding you’ve got a head start!). If you need anything else once they’re here there’s always Amazon Prime 😉"

It can be overwhelming trying to work out what you need and what you don’t need when you’re having your first baby. It’s almost always the case that your list gets smaller the more babies you have!

I’ve narrowed it down to 5 categories (and if you’re breastfeeding you’ve got a head start!). If you need anything else once they’re here there’s always Amazon Prime 😉

18/10/2019
05/06/2019

Your baby cries because they need you. It’s really as simple as that.
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A great post on your rights at work while pregnant
30/05/2019

A great post on your rights at work while pregnant

P R E G N A N C Y & W O R K

Grab a brew for this one!

Some of you may know that as well as being an antental teacher my other professional hat is as an HR Manager (yes, yes, I've heard all the jokes 🙄). Pregnancy and HR often go hand-in-hand and as there's been a few different conversations going on between some of my clients recently I thought I'd do a whistle-stop tour of pregnancy rights when at work.

Disclaimer up front - the world of employment legislation is never easy, and never more so when pregnancy is involved so none of this should be used for your own specific situation and you should always get your own advice if you have something you're concerned about. Blah blah blah, legal, legal, legal.

When to tell work you're pregnant: You MUST tell your employer you're pregnant at least 15 weeks before the week the baby is due, so by the end of your 24th week of pregnancy. I'd always suggest informing them sooner rather than later because that way you can be kept safer. You don't have to immediately announce it to the office as soon as you p*e on a stick, but telling a few key people might ease some of the stress. It certainly helps if your colleagues know you're pregnant if you're running out of meetings to find the nearest vomitarium, are suddenly and surprisingly refusing cups of tea, or have developed a rather strange allergy to herbs that makes you ill...

Appointments: You have the right to paid time off for antenatal care without taking this from your annual leave allowance. Antenatal care doesn't just mean your regular scheduled health checks either; it covers all scans and extra appointments as well as any midwife/doctor recommended antenatal/parentcraft classes. Most of these tend not to be in the working day but it gives you a bit of flex for leaving early if you need to. Your partner/the baby's other parent is allowed time off for 2 antenatal appointments up to 6.5 hours per appt. Many employers will allow time off for all the appts but some don't (because, y'know, heaven forbid a soon-to-be-parent tries to take an active part in their unborn's wellbeing 🙄)

Health & Safety: Urgh, yeah, that. But it's important when you're pregnant that your company takes even better care of you than they normally do - after all, it's your kid that will be paying the taxes that pay their pension 😉 You must be covered by a specific risk assessment in pregnancy that covers off all potential risks to your wellbeing. And even in office jobs there's a lot! Your body does wonderful things when you're pregnant but it's at one of its most vulnerable points too. If there are risks then your employer must remove them for you. If they can't do that they need to find suitable alternative work for you. If that's not possible then they must put you on fully paid suspension until the risk is removed or you start maternity leave. I know you don't want to be that guy causing a fuss but you're you and your baby's biggest advocate and you're responsible for making sure you're both healthy. Heavy stuff!

Maternity Leave & When To Take It: Maternity leave is a day 1 right, so if you're pregnant and an employee you're entitled to take up to 52 weeks leave. The earliest you can start maternity leave is at 29 weeks of pregnancy. You can change your maternity leave start date with 28 days notice although pragmatically this isn't always possible.If you're ill with a pregnancy-related illness after 36 weeks of pregnancy and you're still working this can trigger an automatic start of your maternity leave, even if you intended to work right up to the hilt.

Maternity Leave...How Long: If you work in an office you have to take 2 weeks leave after the birth of your baby (4 weeks if your job is manual). That's it, the end, it's the law, no arguments. You can take up to 52 weeks and you also have your annual leave allowance including your accrued Bank Holidays to top up your leave. You can change your maternity leave return date with 8 weeks notice, if you want to (although if you decide to resign only your normal notice period would apply which may be less than 8 weeks).

Maternity Pay: Chances are you're entitled to 39 weeks maternity pay. To qualify you have to have been an employee for 26 continuous weeks up to the 25th week of pregnancy, earn at least £118 a week and have given correct notice.If you're not entitled you may receive Maternity Allowance direct from the government. SMP is taxable but you don't have to pay it back, unlike company maternity pay which you may receive and may have conditions attached, such as returning for a minimum of 6 months after your leave.

Shared Leave: You might want to share your leave with your partner. Essentially you give up some of your maternity leave so they can take it as well as or instead of you. Writing about the ins and outs of the scheme would and does fill up several pages of company handbooks but suffice to say here, it exists so be aware of it while you're planning.

KIT/SPLIT Days: While you're on maternity leave you might want or need to get into work for a particular reason, or to keep your hand in. While on maternity leave you have 10 Keeping In Touch days to use, although your employer doesn't have to agree to them (but likewise, you can't be pressured into doing them). Payment needs to be agreed with your employer - some pay for the hours done, some pay for the full day regardless of how many hours you're in but remember that even if you're only working for half an hour, that's one full day gone from your entitlement. If you share your leave with your partner you (and they) are also entitled to 20 additional SPLIT days. Same rules apply. (Side note - In Touch days dramatically increased when more men were given the ability to take more time off. Patriarchy, eh?)

Work While You're On Leave: Being off on maternity leave affords you some additional rights. If changes to the business are happening while you're off you have the right to be kept abreast of the situation. If you're at risk of redundancy being on maternity leave can't stop it happening, but you're obliged to be offered any suitable alternative as a top priority. As an aside, being off on leave while all your colleagues are still working can sometimes suck big ones so make sure your workplace are supportive and respectful of you.

Discrimination: Unfortunately pregnancy discrimination still exists because sometimes organisations or people within them are dicks. Amirite?! Even more unfortunately when you're pregnant or have just had a baby is THE worst time to stand up for your rights and a lot of the sh*tty behaviour never gets called out meaning organisations never have to face their truths. Those of you who have had the strength to stand your ground, I salute you! Those who have suffered but have chosen to concentrate your efforts on you and your families, I see you and I give you an awkward shoulder-pat in solidarity.

If you think something is happening that shouldn't be these organisations can help:

ACAS - they're the first port of call and should be ok for basic rights but they're sometimes a bit...well, basic, in my experience. ACAS.org.uk

Maternity Action - the UK's leading charity to fight inequality and improve the health of pregnant women, Maternityaction.org.uk

Pregnant Then Screwed - support for women who have suffered discrimination in pregnancy, including a free legal helpline. Pregnantthenscrewed.com

My final comment is that maternity leave and pay are an entitlement if you suffer a loss after the end of the 24th week of pregnancy. Before that it’s classed as a miscarriage and your pregnancy entitlements stop and transfer over to your sickness policies.

Whew, that pretty much covers some of the basics. Good luck!

"Is he a good baby?" Possibly my most hated question  posed to new parents EVER!!
08/05/2019

"Is he a good baby?" Possibly my most hated question posed to new parents EVER!!

Who just sighed at the interview with Harry and Meghan and their new baby when the reporter asked this question?

This is possibly one of the most toxic (and stupid) questions we ask new parents. It sets up incorrect expectations, places undue pressure on the parents and perpetuates myths and misunderstandings about baby sleep.

Babies do NOT sleep 'well' - or correction, babies do not sleep like adults. They are MEANT to wake very regularly (by regularly I mean multiple times per night, hourly waking is not uncommon). They need to feed often, receive bodily contact from their parents (ie hugs) and frequent waking protects them against SIDS. Throughout the whole of the first year (and beyond) night waking is NORMAL. Night waking is common. It categorically does not make a baby 'bad' (I guess this is the presumption of a baby who wakes frequently - if those who don't wake often are considered 'good'?). It is not healthy for a younger baby to get long solid stretches of sleep.

Quite frankly, how a baby sleeps is nobody's business apart from the child's parents. We need to stop being nosy about it. If we must ask anything concerning sleep, it should be "how are you finding the normal frequent wakes? Do you feel you have enough support?". .

Sleeping abnormally does not make a baby 'good'. Sleeping like a normal baby and waking often does not mean they are 'not good' (or by default 'bad'). Similarly labelling a baby as good or bad is ridiculous. It's as unhelpful as labelling a toddler naughty, or easy. All children exhibit a range of behaviour, but they are not their behaviour. They are them. Unique individuals.

We really need to lay off piling on the sleep guilt to new parents. It is no coincidence that 'baby sleep problems' (and associated 'fixes'/consultants/gadgets) are so widespread in modern western culture. In many areas of the world they have no words for 'sleep training' and they don't understand what is meant when asked how their baby sleeps. They report significantly less problems when coping with their baby's sleep. There's no coincidence there!

07/05/2019

Over the weekend two things happened in our patriarchal birth world. The wonderful Meghan had her baby. We're not sure where, but we're pretty sure from Harry's that it was the empowering and amazing experience she wanted.

The other thing that happened was a UK obstetrician was caught red handed mocking Meghan, telling a conference of fellow Obs she wanted 'a Doula and a willow tree' at her birth. 'Let's see how that goes', he sneered, to raucous laughter.

By 'willow tree' he was implying 'all natural', like saying 'whale music' or 'birthing in the woods with foxes'. He was taking the p**s, basically.

This is such a familiar narrative and the only real surprise is he was naive enough to say it without apology on a public platform. In over ten years of working in the birth world, I've lost track of the number of times I've seen women mocked and belittled for daring to think they could have a woman centred experience in a world that continues to repeat the message that 'a healthy baby is all that matters'. I have just written a book about the misogyny that is hiding in plain sight in modern maternity care. Comments like this suddenly expose it, but it's there all the time. Non royal women experience it daily.

His comments show how threatened the obstetric profession can be by a woman who has done her homework and wants to be the key decision maker in the room. His remark, 'Let's see how that goes" is actually pretty chilling, as it implies that he and others would take some enjoyment if her birth became complicated. 'We knew better than the silly girl all along', one imagines them saying. Doctor knows best luv.

I've seen these attitudes again and again ....in Adam Kay's book This is Going to Hurt, on Twitter when obs joked that the length of the birth plan matched the length of the caesarean scar, and in hundreds of stories from women who can tell you how they were put down, patronised and infantilised by professionals whose attitudes are long past their due date.

Time to stand up to this and call BS.

Oh and fair play Meghan, you smashed it. 💪



🖕

06/05/2019

If anyone wants to see what a post-birth oxytocin high looks like then watch this beautiful film and a very proud new father. Birth can be the most awe-inspiring, bonding event. Clearly this family were supported to have the birth they wanted and we send them our best wishes.

06/05/2019

It feels as though almost as soon as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex announced their pregnancy the way they choose to birth has become a topic for public debate.  I have seen numerous articles circulating the world of social media, I’ve read many and….. I’ve been guilty of sharing the odd ...

23/04/2019

Based on the best available data, this year at least 7,998 African-American infants will not reach their first birthday. Since one of four African-American babies born in the U.S. is a little Texan, our state [...]

23/04/2019

And the award goes to Kristofer Hivju 👏👏👏🏆🏆

03/07/2018

What do you think about bed-sharing?

This is Fatherhood.
30/06/2018

This is Fatherhood.

A few things I forgot between babies four and five: Dads, when your has been fed, changed, and is still upset, swaddle them up and hold them. Check in with them. Feel their face on yours. Talk to them. Rub their back, sway gently, hum, make the “swishy” sound in their ear to replicate the sound of Mom’s heartbeat in utero. If they’re still crying and it breaks your heart... that’s fatherhood. If you move past heartbreak into exasperation... that’s fatherhood. If they start screaming and you find yourself wanting to say “Oh, C’MON!” out loud... that’s fatherhood. If you feel helpless and inadequate and like you’re staring at a final exam full of questions you couldn’t possibly have known to study for... that’s fatherhood. And if you push through that... become more present than you’ve ever been, discover instincts you never knew you had, and summon up more love and patience than you’ve maybe ever shown anybody... and they either take it, or get tired, or finally work out that fart that was bothering them and fall asleep on your chest... and you suddenly feel like you beat the system, got nominated for a Nobel Prize and got told “I love you” by the first girl you ever loved... THAT’s fatherhood. Welcome... Glad you’re here. 💙

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