27/10/2021
In part 8 of my mini-series of posts exploring the idea that CHILDREN DO WELL IF THEY CAN I want to expand on what I mean by the words 'danger' and 'threat' which are often used interchangeably with the word 'stress' when talking about nervous system dysregulation.
Particularly in Polyvagal Theory, which I posted about yesterday, people speak about 'neuroception of safety' and 'neuroception of danger' so I really want to dig in to those terms a little bit more. The words 'danger' and 'threat' can be really off-putting to many adults trying to understand what is going on for a child or young person because they can make staff and parents feel like they are doing something wrong. "I kept really calm and didn't shout or threaten and I tried to give options so what do you mean they felt threatened and in danger??!!"
It can be really helpful to understand that when we are talking about threat and danger in relation to our nervous system we are talking about an unconscious, automatic, and neurally encoded response rather than a logical thinking process. 'Danger' in this context is anything in our inside or outside worlds that we BELIEVE could cause us physical OR emotional pain. Our threat detection system is constantly and automatically scanning our environment, other people, objects, our internal physical state, and our thinking and imaginings for any hint of danger.
Important take-aways from that paragraph are that emotional pain or distress is equal to physical pain or distress, and that imagined danger is equal to real danger. (Now reread that sentence).
If you can wrap your head around that sentence then you can really begin to understand, reframe, and respond differently to dysregulated humans of all ages. For example you can move from "I gave them their math work and they kicked off because they don't like math and don't care about anything" to "When I gave them their math work they didn't believe they could do it well enough to avoid feeling like a failure or stupid. That is such a painful way to feel inside that it makes sense they wanted to avoid such a threatening feeling and they tried to get away from the danger by disrupting the class so much they would be told to leave"
You can read a bit more about neuroception and how important it is to all our human relationships here: https://www.modernintimacy.com/neuroception-how-your-brain-decides-if-your-world-is-safe/
